I never knew how much love a heart could hold, until they called me mom

Sunday, July 9, 2017

My Broken Heart


He held my hand for 17 years. 
He will hold my heart for all eternity.  
His beautiful heart stopped beating at 11:05 pm. 

I am grateful he was never too old to hold my hand. 
I am grateful for his beautiful smile and his gigantic heart. 
I'm grateful for the incredible way he loved me as his mom.  
And that I got to be his mom.  

I would take 17 years of having him, and have to give him back
To his Heavenly Father,
Than a lifetime of never knowing him.  
I am grateful to have witnessed his adventurous spirit
And the way he lived life at full throttle. 
I am grateful to have witnessed the way he loved the babies in our family. 
In any family. 
He just loved. 

I don't know how we move beyond this moment.
But I know that we will. 
Because Heavenly Father's plan is not about the here and now. 
It is, oh, so much bigger than right now.  

I will honor his beautiful life by living my life
The way the Lord has asked me to, and cling to the promise
That families are forever.  
Because it isn't something I hope for. 
It is something I know to be absolutely true!

Oh my beautiful Hayden Robert. 
I already miss everything about you.  
Rest In Peace Buddy. 
Until I get to hold you in my arms again,
And see those beautiful eyes and that incredible smile. 
My heart will never be the same.