A New Nose

Am I vain to say that I have always hated my nose???
Okay, I will take it, vanity got the best of me...
Because I have ALWAYS hated my nose.
Not necessarily because I wanted to have a movie star nose or anything.
I just wanted it to allow me to breathe like normal people do.

And to not have the weird tweak and dip on the right side.

So okay, maybe not about vanity as much as functionality...
Functionality... the quality of being functional.
THAT was not my nose!
Not functional at all!

On the right side, there was no room for even air to go through.
My septum was really crooked.

But I always had a good excuse to not get it fixed.
Mostly because I am a big chicken!

 

A couple of years ago Kailee got hers fixed
and it made a huge difference to her breathing, infections, even migraines.
The doctor told me anytime I was ready, to just call.
It took me almost 2 years to get the courage to do it!
Then a change of jobs, which means a change of insurance
moved this to high priority in getting it done.
I mean, let's admit it...
When deductibles are met you take advantage of it!
Sooo...
We scheduled an appointment with Dr. Mobley
(I cannot say enough good about the man... he's amazing!)
and he expressed his excitement to do the surgery.
(I don't understand why he was so excited, but he kept looking at my nose and shaking his head and telling me he could fix that!)
He sent us right down the hall to scheduling
and Thayne told the man that by the end of the month would be

AWESOME!
Only problem is that Thayne HAD to be in Vegas for training
the 23rd, 24th and 25th.
And they do surgery on Mondays!
I wanted to tell Thayne there was absolutely, positively NO WAY
I would go under the knife without him with me.
He insisted that I not put it off any longer,

and he and Kailee and Kassi plotted against me.

Sunday night found Kailee and me driving to Utah,
George Strait playing on the stereo and lots and lots of junk food!
Because they told me I could not eat past midnight.
So we took advantage of it and got our fill of food and drink!

The Surgery Center was amazing,
the nurses fantastic, and fun...
(they did, however mess up my really BIG Utah hair!)
Before the surgery they had to do a pregnancy test.
I told them I wasn't pregnant.
They told me they had to check anyway...
Because I have a history!
Ha!!!
The surgery went absolutely perfect.

Kailee said Dr Mobley came out grinning from ear to ear
and told her everything went great!
In fact, he told her that it was FUN.
Seriously...
Fun?
He then showed her the video of it that he had on his phone.

She got to watch as they pealed back my nose and fixed
my very crooked septum.
(He told me to bring a jump drive so he can send the video home with me)
He also took a piece of cartilage to fix the weird tweak in my nose
(so thankful he was able to take it from my nose
and didn't have to take it from my ear)

and the next thing I knew,
they were waking me up from a really pleasant dream.

Nate told me I should have them give me his nose.
I told him I LOVE his nose, but that might be strange
because then I would have his dad's nose!
So I stuck with my own nose,
Just slightly better than before.

It hasn't been really horrible as far as recovery goes.
Mostly just obnoxiously uncomfortable because of the stints inside my nostrils.
It kind of drives me crazy because I want to blow my nose,
and can't.
The stitches come out on Tuesday,
and the following Tuesday I get the stints out.

Noah has bumped it a couple of times,
And Thayne did once when he hugged me.
(I think he wanted to cry more than I did.  He felt so bad!)
This should really help the congestion, and even the morning migraines.

Right now it is really swollen...
But I think in time I am going to like my new nose!

He's 14!

And....
He's 14!!!

We made it through the first teen year
without a problem!
Wyatt is an awesome kid

and always makes me smile!

My little boy with that sparkle in his eyes
is growing up to be the most incredible young man!

Happy Birthday
Wyatt Thayne!

Love you so much!!!



I didn't forget!

I really didn't forget Kalli's birthday!
We celebrated... I just didn't get the pictures on the computer

as soon as I had hoped.

I cannot believe that my sweet Kalli Shai is 11.
She is already excited that she gets to go to camp next year
with the young women.
I am NOT ready for that.
She is supposed to be my little girl.

Who told her she was allowed to grow up???
I sure didn't.

Kalli started middle school this year.

It's not her favorite year, that's for sure.

But she loves hanging out with her friends,

and her big sisters.

 

I wish time would slow down...

Happy Birthday Beautiful Girl.
Hope you enjoy every moment of the year to come!

Company Picnic

You know the end of summer is coming
when it's time for the company picnic.
Although this one was kind of different because
this would be our last 'company' picnic...
for this company at least!

From here on out Thayne is his own company...
So the kids and I decided that next year
we will have our company picnic at Lagoon!

The kids had a great time though.
Nate and Gabe love Bubbles the Clown...
she always makes them the best balloon animals!
The kids just hang out and run around, playing in the park
and we get to enjoy the last few days before school starts
and we have to go back to the craziness that fall brings!

An end of an era

Today was an end of an era...
And I am trying very hard to control the tears.
It's crazy, really.
Because I know that the step we are taking is right,
I just wish it wasn't so hard, or so emotional.
I have tried to ignore this day...
tried really hard!
Pretended like it would never come,
But it came anyway!

So this day has been spent fighting back tears.

Or not
(fighting them back I mean!)
I tried to fight them off...
and after the 4th (or so) pumpkin chocolate chip cookie,
I just gave in and cried.

I wondered why it bothered me so much
that Thayne is quitting the mine.
Then it hit me.
Except for the first two years of our marriage,
my life has pretty much revolved around mining.
My earliest memories are of being on the West Desert...
my dad was mining there.
I remember being very small and going underground with my dad.
I remember looking up and thinking the lights above
were stars, shining in the middle of the day.
My love of 'underground' started then...
and it has never really gone away.
I was not much older than Nate is now, running around the desert
outside of Lovelock, with my little brother.

Another mine.
It's what we knew.

Some women like a man in uniform...
Me?
My heart always beats a little faster
when I see my man in diggers.

We are leaving the familiar, and stepping into the unknown.
And while I know that this IS a good thing,
the right thing,
it is a scary thing!
It's different.
I know it is right, and I know that the Lord gave us this chance...
a chance for growth beyond anything we ever considered before.
So why do I feel like I want to stomp my feet and shake my fist
and demand to know why this hit us out of the blue,
with such surety that we couldn't deny it...
 it's NOT what we wanted.
Not what we asked for.
Couldn't we just go blissfully along???
The Lord sure has a great sense of humor!
I know He knows that I wouldn't necessarily go looking for growth.
Growth makes us uncomfortable.
Yet here we are,
ready to step into the darkness,
waiting once again to see the light.
Ready to see the amazing things out there.

I have absolutely no idea what this new job entails.
But I know that I am married to a man
that can accomplish the impossible.

And that is all I really need to know because
I love to watch him shine!

So today,
I drove to the mine,
and cried.
I watched my husband walk up to the gate to let me in,

my heart was kind of sad,
and I had a hard time not crying as he walked out of his office.
I think, if we are honest, he was having a hard time too.
When I looked at his hard hat on my lap as we drove away,
I did cry.
And so did he.
But then we smiled...

Ready
Set
GO!

Let's see where this new adventure takes us!!!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!!!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes... that is the tune that has been rolling around my mind the last few weeks.  I have barely dared say it out loud, but there finally came a time when we had to face the music and make a life changing decision.  I can't say that it was a hard choice to make, but it certainly wasn't easy.  If that makes sense at all.  It almost doesn't to me, but here we go!

I hope this doesn't get long and rambling, though, you know me... which means it probably will!

Several weeks ago, after getting ready to leave for home, Thayne was approached about a job opportunity and an invitation to get together to discuss it.  He called me on his way home from work and I mostly just laughed at the idea and how ridiculous it was to even think Thayne would leave the mining industry.  It was what he did, it was who we are and have been for the last 24 years.  It's what I have always known and Thayne had taken to it like he was born to it also.  He started out at the VERY bottom... as in he used to clean the dry (the area where they changed from their regular clothing, into their diggers, and back out again).  He worked up pretty quickly and now is in a position that you don't just quit.  Yet... here we are, having given his notice, he is ready to leave the job he has worked his whole adult life to achieve!

This idea, that seemed to come out of nowhere suddenly started feeling as if it had always been meant to be.  I wish I could even begin to put into words all that has happened to open the way.  In such an incredible way! 

After brushing off the idea, Thayne kind of let it go.  Until Greg (the owner of the company) again approached him about meeting with him to talk about this.  Dinner with him and his wife.  I can't describe what I felt when we walked up to the table.  This incredible sense of peace washed over me.  Definitely NOT what I was expecting to feel at all.  Then instantly, a feeling of, "who are these people and why do I feel like I know them... and WHY do I feel like they should be a significant part of our lives?!?!"  THAT is when I got scared.  Peaceful... yes!  Scared... YES!  Why?  Because I was very comfortable where we are and had no desire at all to change.  Except I knew that for a few weeks Thayne had been feeling the need to, and even had a premonition of changes.  As we talked to Greg and his wife, she mentioned a couple of times how Thayne and Greg could be twins.  She told me he had been praying for a long time for a "Nevada guy!"  Greg insisted that just because Thayne might be an answer to his prayers, in no way meant that he was an answer to Thayne's... except that he WAS an answer long before Thayne even knew the words to pray.  We never really talked about the job offer that night.  We more just talked.  But it was easy to see that these were really amazing, really good people.  Greg asked Thayne, just out of curiosity, when did he start feeling like he needed to change.  Thayne told him it was about 6 weeks before.  He kind of just smiled, and his wife said, "It was about 6 weeks ago he called and told me he found his Nevada guy!"

Over the next couple of weeks they kept in touch and we got a more firm offer.  Thayne and I went to the temple to be able to really meditate and pray about the decision we had made.  We went there having decided that we needed to take this job, and go with the change that was staring us in the face.  But I was still extremely nervous.  Only because we would leave a life we have always known, for the unknown, and the weird trust that Thayne and I both felt about Greg.  In fact it has blown me a way a little as I have watched them together.  Thayne does not just instantly trust people and he really doesn't open up to just anyone.  Yet he did with Greg.   But as we sat in the temple that day, I was silently praying to truly know that this would work out... and then it happened.  Years ago, a man that Thayne had worked for, for many years, had walked into his office, put a contract on his desk and told him if he accomplishes these things, by this date, he would get a large bonus.  Thayne told him it was impossible to do what they had asked him to do in that amount of time.   After the completion of the job they asked him to do, in the allotted time, we were at a dinner with this man.   I teased him that he was trying to kill Thayne off asking him to do these kinds of jobs.  He asked me, "Do you know why we give him the impossible to accomplish?"  I told him I didn't (except that I know Thayne and really did know why they gave him those types of jobs!) and he said, "We give him the impossible, because he moves through the impossible and makes the possible happen!"  I heard it as clearly as the day he told me, and I knew that I had received my answer.  I asked Thayne why he wanted to do this.  His answer melted my heart and pushed away any doubt I had.  I know that he can do this the way he has done everything since I met him... with the determination to make this successful and amazing!!!  It wasn't a difficult decision after that!  So, upon leaving the temple, he text Greg and said we were going for it!  Greg text back, "Groovy!"  and told Thayne he would start working on the contract.  Again, it just seems amazing to see how much alike they think and how completely at ease he is with all of this.  One night Greg was here and Jace and Cait came over to do some laundry and eat.  After Greg left Thayne asked Jace what he thought about him.  His simple words burned into my heart, because I know what Jace thinks of his dad... how he honors him.  He said, "He's you dad, in 20 years."  (Greg isn't 20 years older than Thayne, only 13 (ha) but it is the idea that Jace thinks so highly of him and feels his is the kind of many his dad is.)

The following Monday he told me he needed to talk to his bosses.  I told him THAT was a step I didn't feel ready to take.  Which of course was silly since we had already decided to take the job.  His problem was one of integrity on the job.  Because before the job offer was ever brought to the table, Thayne had already made the decision to buy thousands of dollars worth of pumps from him... now he could no longer do that.  He did not want to compromise the job at all.  So he explained to HIS boss what was going on and he was told to not worry about it at all... they would have someone else take over that job and get the pumps ordered.  They gave him their blessing and it has been amazing to see how people have responded to the news.  He has been told over and over that he is going to do an amazing job at this.  People have also expressed their sadness that he is leaving (and many asked him to take them with him, thinking he was just going to a different mine!).  People have said that he is the last of his kind, that he knows this job and does such a great job at it.  That there won't be people who truly care about it like he has.  Last night I was talking to him about how much heart he has put into the job.  I believe it is true... he cares, he cares that people are being trained right, that they are following the rules, and that they go home safe at the end of each shift.  Nothing has driven that idea home more than this past week.  Last week a man at another mine the company owns, died at work.  Thayne was asked to be part of the investigation.  He was a significant part of it, because he understands the stope and what was going on.  It was emotionally draining for him and he put everything he had into it.  I have watched what it has done to him and how passionate he is about it.  There sure seems to be a lack of people in the world that care so much about the welfare of others.  Thayne is not one of them!  But, he started his career 5 years ago at this company, helping investigate the death of another miner, at another mine.  He saw things that he wanted to change, and things that he tried very hard to make sure others were doing at his mine.   He has finished the past week investigating another death and wishing that he could make changes that would prevent this from ever happening again.  Although this one changed him.  He's done.  He feels it in his heart that it is time to move on and take on this new challenge.  I told him that the saddest part, beyond just leaving the mine, is that he is one that truly cares, and if someone had to do the hard things, he always did them well.  A friend told me, "They don't all care like he does."

When I expressed concern over not knowing exactly what this job was going to mean for our family, he told me he has thought about it a lot and only knows that he feels this is the most right thing he has done in his life besides marrying me.  (He said THAT was the easiest decision he had ever made!!!).  He reminded me how we felt when we moved to Milwaukee.  We were unemployed, with no prospects at all... jobs were scarce.  We had the promise of a job as soon as the unions went off strike.  So we loaded up 4 babies (and pregnant with a 5th) 3 and under, had $900 in our pocket, no place to live, no idea of when the job would come and only hope that it would work out, because it felt right.  Somewhere in the middle of Iowa I stopped the car, walked back to the truck and asked him what in the world we were doing.  He said, "I don't know, it just feels right!"  And it was! Even though we couldn't see it at the time, the Lord had a bigger plan and it did all work out well.  He also told me that we went into having our family with no idea how it would work out, we just knew it was right and we did it.  Nothing stopped us!  He told me this is our Milwaukee... this is our 16 kids.  We have done the unknown, or impossible before, we will do this again!
So, we are jumping in with both feet, eyes wide open, knowing that for whatever reason, the time is right and the opportunity is perfect.  No more waking up at 3am for work!!!  He's taking on the impossible, and will make all of our dreams possible!!!

Looking In the Mirror

I was sitting in the chair, getting my hair done and did something I haven't done in a very long time... years maybe.  I looked at myself in the mirror, and didn't immediately look away.  It seems strange I suppose, that I don't look in mirrors.  I mean, I do, but only to do what is absolutely necessary.  Like doing my hair, putting on make up... yeah, I do that.  But I didn't like what was looking back.  I blamed it on the fact that I haven't lost all of the weight I am hoping to.  I dislike where I am.  And for whatever reason, my sister and I grew up in a home that, while there was much love, we were kind of taught by words and actions that our worth was wrapped up in our weight.  It's something that we both have worked to put behind us.  In a recent conversation I told my sister that I promised myself when I have daughters, that I would not ever put body image issues on them, and I can say that I have done really well.  She told me that she has had similar fears.  But... it wasn't about that.  I have lost about half of the weight I needed to lose, but that wasn't what this was about.  I saw something different in the mirror that day...

I saw someone who is happy again.  Don't get me wrong.  I find joy in my life.  I have never been unhappy about the life I am living.  This is something different.  This was something physical.  Maybe chemical, in fact most likely it was chemical.  I am sure that the stress of things life throws at you just added up and the miscarriages, a very traumatic child birth, caring for a child that had come so close to dying so many times just finally got the best of me.  In fact I 'googled' my symptoms and post traumatic stress came up.  I laughed it off in the beginning because you know... I haven't gone through a war, or anything like that.  Except sometimes I felt like I had been through battle after battle and it was all I could do but keep moving forward.  Except... I wasn't really moving forward.  I told Thayne many times that I didn't like the person I was anymore.  I used to do so much, care so much, love so much more.  I had closed my heart off.  I didn't want to get close to people anymore.  Doing the smallest things around the house was truly painful!  I always think of the 'depression' commercials on tv.  Where does depression hurt... everywhere!  I had changed.  Not because I wanted to, it just had happened one day.  But if you aren't moving forward, you are sliding backwards.  It's not possible to stop and rest and hope to not move anywhere.  Because even that is a decision.  I kept telling Thayne it felt like my heart was different.  I let offense take hold.  A dear friend hurt me, a lot, and even though I knew I shouldn't let it hurt, it did.  And I took offense.  Oh, it was easy to kept saying I wasn't offended.  But I was.  Things that never hurt me before, really hurt.  People hurt me.  I let people let me down.  Going anywhere was painful, going to church was even painful.  Going to church has NEVER been painful... but it became that way.  Mentally I knew that what I was feeling wasn't actually what was going on, but I felt like it was.  I could look at a situation and see it completely different than it was, or at least different than the way I normally see it.  I judged, where I normally loved.  I no longer cared, when usually I cared enough to help carry another's burdens.  I was emotionally empty.  And I didn't like it. 

I finally got to a point that I was done... done feeling empty.  Done!  I had started praying that my heart would be changed, healed, made whole.  I felt like I was no longer me, no longer the person I wanted to be, but more than that, I had shut myself off from even the Lord... except that I knew that the Lord was the one that carried me THROUGH the hard stuff.  I knew it!!!  I felt it!!!  So many times, in my darkest moments, the light came through and I knew I wasn't alone.  Why then, did I allow it all to take me away from the One that carried me through it so many times before?  I was in a dark tunnel... afraid and feeling alone, and wondering where the light was.  And then I saw it.  Maybe it was only a pin point of light in the beginning, but I knew the light was coming...

It's funny that the Lord knows your prayers before you ever pray them... and allows you the time to grow and find the humility you need to gain that change of heart.  Months earlier a trip to Education Week in Idaho was planned.  Buffy, Talitha and I were going to stay with her brother, who has a beautiful... QUIET, peaceful house!  Just a girls' weekend away from all of the kids and all of the stresses of life and take some time to fill our empty cups.  I had been praying that this was a weekend that would give me what I needed to feel like ME again!  I am not sure I expected it to be as amazing as it was... but I didn't just get my cup filled, I feel like I walked away with a changed heart.  I felt like me again, except something even more.  Because when you walk through trials, and come out the other side, you are different.  Hopefully better.  Stronger.  With more faith, knowing that Heavenly Father gave you opportunities to lean on Him and become more than you could be alone.

What I got there was like a breath of fresh air, water to the thirsty, food to the starving... it was food for my soul!!!  I  went to classes that filled my aching, bruised heart.  I felt like I heard the voice of the Lord speaking over and over in the words that the teachers were speaking.  At times I felt like my heart would burst with joy.  It was everything I needed and then some!  The entire weekend gave me ME back.  I didn't just feel different... I felt better.  My heart felt better.  I let go of the pain I had held onto for so long...even though I didn't realize I was holding on.  Someone told me that weekend that the burdens I was carrying, weren't mine to carry.  It is true, I can't be anyone's  Savior, I cannot even be my own.  So I gave it to Him... to the One that can carry my burdens, and I left feeling better than I had in years.  A new heart.  That is what it felt like.  Able to carry on, to make up for lost ground, and lost time, and start moving forward with much joy!  There was now bright, beautiful light the lit up the entire dark cave I had been living in.

I looked in the mirror, and saw the new me.  I still have weight to lose.  It's still the same face that has always looked back at me... but the heart was different.  My tattered soul was healed and I felt REALLY happy!!!

This is how we do things...

There is nothing better in the world than to have people who will do your hair!!!
Between Kassi and Kinzee,
I think I could get my hair done for me several times a week!
The fun thing is not that I can just sit while they do my hair
(although I admit THAT is pretty sweet!)
but the fact that all of my girls gather in the bathroom and get ready together.
We talk about stuff... all kinds of stuff!
We laugh, we tease, we joke, and then we talk some more!
There is nothing better.
It's all about the moments you are willing to find in the crazy day,
and make silly memories...
it's about taking care of each other.
These girls are amazing, and fun, and crazy...

And I love that I always get compliments on my hair when they do it for me!

Nate Starts Preschool!!!

Nate started preschool today!!!

He was so excited to go, which actually surprised me,
Because for weeks he has told us he wasn't going to go.
Boy did he change his mind!

He has a very special teacher...
Ms Kailee is his preschool teacher!
Yes, big sister Kailee!!!

They have decided this is going to be a very great year!
He will go 3 days a week there,
and then on Monday's after preschool he will go back with Ms Deb
to be able to continue his speech therapy.

This is going to be a busy year for him but he is excited and happy
which makes me excited and happy!