Random thoughts...

It's amazing the thoughts that you think when you can't sleep at night.... some of them make absolutely no sense and other things seem to be perfectly clear.

Recently a sheriff's deputy was shot as he responded to a domestic disturbance call... he was shot several times, his vest likely saving his life. We know him from around town. We have had several opportunities to talk to him and really like him. I wondered what in the world a person must be thinking to get to the point where they would shot round after round at a police officer... or anyone for that matter. Thayne was at the Priesthood session of stake conference and I man that we respect a lot, who knows the man that did the shooting said that he is a good man, he just let alcohol and his temper get the best of him. The man that shared this is a man that we truly respect and admire and I know that if he says that this man was a good man, that it is true. The fact that he let alcohol and his temper control his life is what hit me! How many people give away their 'control' through alcohol and having no self control. I have heard people say, "I have a temper." as if it is something that they have no control over. I have heard people say that they have the right to drink, or smoke, or take drugs as if it had no effect on anyone but them. How many lives have been hurt, or even ruined by somebody thinking they are in control, when they simply are not! Lives were changed in the blink of an eye because a man let alcohol and his temper control the decisions he made... some lives will never be the same! His life will never be the same, but what about that officer who was doing his job and now will have to pay for another person's choice for the rest of his life? What about his children? Why do we forget to think of the consequences of our actions? It is something that I always, always try to tell my kids... think first, because sometimes you cannot undo the choices you make! We have seen it in many ways... sometimes in a good way, and sometimes in a bad way. I think that is something we will talk about for Family Home Evening... the fact that you can be a good man, or woman, but allowed something to control your life. I thought about what I allow to control my life. Is it good, or do I need to re-evaluate my decisions and see where I fall short?

And speaking of evaluating life... we had our stake conference and this time it was a broadcast from Salt Lake. I love stake conference. It happens 2 times a year and I look forward especially to the Saturday night session for adults, and of course dinner with Thayne, Buffy and Tracy. I was thinking about how grateful I am for their friendship. We laugh and tease that nobody else will have us... but it is so wonderful to have friends that are just there. If we don't see each other for a while, it doesn't matter, it's just what it is, they are there. They are the kind of people who drive over to Salt Lake when Nate was in the hospital on a Sunday night knowing that we had nothing there, no car, nothing except the clothes on our back when we were flown there, and took us to dinner, made us get out of the hospital and then put cash in our hand as they left to drive 3 hours home. To have a friend who does not judge... they don't judge how we parent, how we think, how we act, or react. They make us laugh, even sometimes when we want to cry. I am just grateful to be able to look forward to going out with them, and laughing, and knowing that they are there, true friends. Thayne and I were talking about this Saturday night. He said he feels a strong desire to be kind, and even forgiving to others. And I feel that so strongly. I struggle though... not with being kind or even forgiving. I just sometimes struggle to find a balance. I was betrayed by someone I considered a true friend, someone that I opened my home and heart to... and then to find out that I was being judged in a way that was not only inappropriate, but it wasn't even an accurate judgment! And I wonder, do I want that back in my life? I wonder about judgments...do some people judge so harshly because they are worried themselves about being judged? Sometimes I wonder about that... those that seem to judge others more often worry the most about being judged. The older I get, the less I seem to need to make everyone happy. And yet I care, sometimes too much about others. Or can you care too much? Maybe it's just that I don't have the energy to give so much to people now? I don't know. But I don't want to become... well, not bitter, I don't want to get to a point where I stop caring. It's all about balance. I just haven't found it yet. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf spoke in the broadcast. He asked us to evaluate where we are in our personal journey back to Heavenly Father. And then figure out what we need to do to put our lives where we need to be. I am taking that seriously. I want to find the things that I need to fix, change my attitude in some things, work a little harder in other things... but also recognize the good things that I am doing and not take away the things that I am doing right! He said that nothing can divide a family that will serve our Heavenly Father. I have seen that also. I love to see our family in a place where we are all moving in the same direction and making positive choices. We believe that families are forever. And I love to watch my kids working together to be that forever family! I love watching the kids work together to accomplish things. I love how they love each other. I love how they accept each other. There are moments when they don't get along, but that is a natural state of being human... we aren't always perfectly happy... but they take care of each other. They rejoice in each other's accomplishments and lift each other up when their world comes crashing in. I love watching them scoop up their nephew or little brothers, or little sisters and do whatever they need to do to take care of them. I love the joy they find in each other and how they pray for their siblings. Nothing can divide a family who will serve our Heavenly Father... we are taught that when we serve our fellow man, we are serving the Lord. I see them doing that.

I was thinking of how I see Tallin's old shoes that Willie sometimes wears now sitting on the porch and I come in the house expecting to see him. And I miss him sometimes so much that it hurts. But I am so happy that he is in Fiji, serving others, and serving the Lord.

I also thought about how grateful I am to be married to a man who takes time to pray. Thayne's schedule was changed and he was working rotating shifts. It was frustrating knowing he felt like he couldn't do his job as well as he wanted on this new schedule and quite honestly I hated the fact that he was now working a couple of weekends a month, which meant missing church or going to work on a Saturday morning and missing the time with our family. It looked like they were going to keep it that way. He was meeting with his boss and the other general foreman to decide what they would do. He told me that he was a little upset headed to the meeting and that he stopped and prayed for peace and for the choices that needed to be made. And that he felt the peace and was able to share his feelings in the way they needed to be expressed... and now is back on his regular Monday through Thursday schedule that works best for him, and for our family. I love that he is a man that prays for and about his family and that he puts the Lord first and loves us so completely and so selflessly!

And I think often of this miracle growing inside me. I am still so amazed at the gift we have been given. I love feeling the flutterings of this new life, and I feel so much joy... and gratitude that after so much loss we were given the opportunity to welcome another son into our family. Thayne and I were talking about it driving home Saturday night. He said that it is amazing how you can feel this little person's spirit, almost like his personality fills our hearts long before his birth. I have felt that so many times before with our children, but each time amazes me more! I feel so grateful for this blessing.

I really need more sleep at night so I don't feel like I am dragging through the day... but I am not sure how to shut my mind off at night... the random thoughts seem to dance through my mind every night. But I guess there will be plenty of time for sleeping when I am dead???!!!

Bittersweet

Last week I got the news I had half way been expecting. It is bittersweet. Four years ago this month I got myself involved in something I had never considered before...but it seems to have our lives revolving around it ever since. I got a call from a man I had never met. A friend who had done some legal work gave him my name and he wondered if I would be interested in managing the video store he was opening out here. I was a little bit, well, I was shocked. At the time I was the Relief Society President, was dealing with nearly constant, daily migraines and within a month would be pregnant with Nate. Yet, we decided to do it! It has become an unofficial member of the family... no matter what we were doing, we had to consider what was happening at the video store. Who was working, how was our plan going to work around the store? There were times it was a nightmare, times we had to change our plans even. Holidays took on a new craziness because it had to be open. I remember sitting in the hospital with Nate talking Kailee through the 'summary report' and how to do the deposits. And now, it is closing. I am not surprised. Renting videos from a store? Who does that anymore? We had a few faithful customers who don't 'do' computers, who won't rent from a Red Box, who like the interaction they get from coming into the store and talking to the kids working. And the kids... wow. What an opportunity for them to learn to work, to learn to deal with people in all kinds of circumstances. They learned how to handle people who were mad, rude, angry, disgruntled... but they brought joy to lots of people. It probably cost us more in running them to and from work than they actually made, but how can you put a price on them learning skills that a lot of kids don't learn anymore? I often have people stop me in the grocery store to compliment the kids on something they did at the video store. One night Willie asked a very mouthy, very rude man to watch his mouth since there was a child in the store. The child was with his dad, but Willie was so offended to have this guy swearing in front of the little boy. The dad finally stepped up and stood up to the guy with Willie and then told Willie how impressed he was for saying what he did. Isn't it funny that a 'child' himself knew enough to demand respect from someone when the grown up was willing to tolerate it because that's how people can be? All of my kids from Kimi down to Wyatt have worked there. It's been a place that many of my friends' kids have worked, where Tiffany works also. It's been 4 years. So many things have happened in those 4 years. The first thing Kailee said when she heard was, "Well, maybe it is for the best, then we can all be there when the baby is born!" I laughed at that. There are days when it has been a real pain to get the schedule made, make sure people were there... who can work when??? I think I am the only 'boss' in history that let the kids working give me THEIR schedule. It drove Thayne crazy. He told me to work them when I needed them and let them work everything else around it! I couldn't do it that way. Maybe it is the sucker sign that blinks on my forehead??? :) It will be sad. I have been paying for Tallin's mission with the money. I know things will work out and that it will be less hectic around our house. For a few days! But it was sad walking into the store last night and seeing how empty it is becoming. We will be able to go on vacation without worrying about it now, but it has been fun to get to know the people that have come in over the past 4 years... like I said... bittersweet!

Perfectly Blog-able Pictures

Perfectly blog-able pictures... at least that is what Kassi and Kailee told me! They showed me pictures they took, mostly of themselves and told me that they have perfectly blog-able pictures. I think I have truly raised them right! :) Have I mentioned lately how happy they make me just by being them. I love to watch our kids find such joy in little things in life, and in being together, being friends and making others smile wherever they go! It never fails when I go into our local grocery store that one of the cashiers tells me they just saw one of the kids, or several of the kids, and then go on to tell me whatever crazy thing they were doing. I am grateful that they bring joy to life, to others... I am glad that they have much fun and laughter. There is never a dull moment in our home because somebody is usually laughing... maybe at somebody else's expense, or maybe their own... they aren't afraid to laugh even at themselves. It isn't unusual to hear someone scream, "BOO!!" and somebody else scream at being scared. I do have to say that the funniest is when the big girls manage to scare their dad... he is such a tease that they love to pay him back. I love these amazing, funny, silly human beings that don't even mind that I am blogging about them!

Wyatt... in Nate's coat, doing his ballerina dance. It's just better not to ask sometimes! See what I mean about not asking....

Watch out when they are out on the town together....

Awwwww... kissy kissy! I think we made him blush! ;)

Kailee and her aunt Candice...

Again... notice the finger in the ear....

Showing off Candice's flower...

Visiting after the baptism...

Cereta and Kami... trouble times two! Loved having Cereta there to sing. She loves to sing, knows all of the songs and sings at the top of her lungs, and had us all smiling! Love these two girls!

Some people are there through thick and thin, friends become family when you have friends like this!

The amazing daughter in law, and a tired little grandbaby! Love these two so much!

Kinzee and Harlon... it's great to have a cousin who is your buddy too. They were born about 6 weeks apart and even as babies they seemed to have a pretty special friendship...

Sweet baby boy hanging with grandma!

These are the perfectly blog-able pictures according to these silly girls....

Sisters by birth, best friends by choice! Or maybe it is because not many people really get the sense of humor this insanely crazy family has so they have to be best friends so someone will laugh at their jokes!

Uncle Jace loves this baby boy... I tell Gabe if he plays his cards right he will be as spoiled as Nate is with Jace!

Again... there are just no words!

I think we have hundreds of these types of pictures....

Bummy and his side kick! Two of mama's boys!

Hayden and Jarom... cousins and friends!

Jayson and Kailee...

Gabe loves his grandpa.

My sweet baby............

Told you this was getting blogged Jace!!! If he closes his eyes and can't see me, he thinks I can't see him either! Just like when he was little! Jace and Caitlyn!

Two of my ladies... Kinzee and Kami

I'm surprised they didn't draw a beard on their faces.... Hey Kailee, Hey Kassi... I like your beard! :)

A Special Sunday

Two very important events happened recently...

The first is our little Bummy turned 8!

And 8 is a very important age because that is when they get baptized.

Hyrum has been very excited for his baptism.

And it just so happened that about the same time,

Willie turned 14.

Which is another important age for young men.

They will then be ordained Teacher in the Aaronic Priesthood.

What made this particular Sunday really special was that we decided to do BOTH!

Both of these boys are amazing.

Both have such wonderful personalities and traits,

and both are so good to their mom!

I am so blessed to have them as my sons.

I looked around the room and there were so many people that we have known.

Maxine played the piano for us.

Reta not only led the music but she also is part of the Stake Primary Presidency.

They were 2 of the first people I knew and worked with through church callings

when we moved here.

Reta told Hyrum that she was at both Garrett's and Jace's baptisms

and how amazing it was to see them both witnessing his baptism.

She has been a part of my kids lives from the time they were small.

She has been their teacher, the Primary President and her love for them

is very apparent!

And it has been amazing to watch her life change also.

She was just getting active in church when I met her.

And not long ago her husband was baptized and they have since gone through the temple.

Maxine has always been there whenever anyone needs anything.

I love these women.

And to see Bill and Janice who have also been here,

so much a part of everything.

It was really a wonderful event.

I can't believe Willie is 14.

Going to the church dances now. How is that even possible???

And Hyrum... baptized!

He had been grinning from ear to ear all day.
The program for the baptism went really well.

Kailee gave a talk on baptism.

The primary kids that were there sang

"I Am A Child Of God"

and then Caitlyn gave her first ever talk

about the Gift of the Holy Ghost.

She did amazing!

It wasn't that long ago I was talking at her baptism,

and to hear her testimony and her love of the gospel is amazing.

It's a blessing to us.

So many people from our ward came and shared the day with us.

And my brothers and their families.

I am just not sure it could have went much better than it did!

I was thinking about the fact that 13 of our kids have been baptized.

13 of them!

I think back to when I met Thayne,

and we talked about the things we wanted for our family.

Here we are...

more blessed than we could have ever imagined back then.

What an amazing day.

A day of memories...

A very special Sunday!

I love you all so much!

He was so excited for his baptism!
Why so serious Bummy?

William Kade... 14!

Gift from a friend...

Deb always seems to come visit around my birthday. I guess it helps that her grandson was born the same month and she usually comes for his birthday party but I benefit by it too and can just pretend that she came for my birthday! We have been really lucky that she was able to be here for some really special things, like Tallin's mission farewell and last night she was here for Hyrum's baptism and Willie being ordained Teacher in the Aaronic Priesthood.

I remember meeting Deb for the first time. They moved to the area and I was soon called as her visiting teacher. We hit it off right away. So much has happened since I first met her. I remember the morning we got the call that her husband had been murdered at work... my heart nearly shattered for her. Jer was her life and their love was very obvious. It seemed that we grew closer after he died and now she seems like a sister rather than a friend. It seems that no matter what, I can depend on her to know when I am needing a friend, and she says she can depend on the same. We have shared some really powerful, amazing, spiritual experiences and she has taught me some really amazing lessons about love, and forgiveness, and how to keep going when everything in life seems to be spinning out of control and even when everything seems lost. I am grateful to know that I have a friend always praying for me... and that she knows that I am always praying for her. She said when she moved the first time that she was worried that our friendship would fade. It didn't. It won't... there are some people that come into your life and then quickly move on, and out of it. There are others that no matter where they will be, they will always somehow be there for you. That is how it is with Deb. In those moments when I really need someone, there she is.

And for my birthday she gave me this beautiful necklace. She said she wanted me to know how important our friendship is. She is my sister, not by blood, but by walking through some of life's most difficult challenges together and lifting each other up when we need it the most.

So thank you Debra Lynn for being such a great friend.... every time I wear this I will think of you and be grateful for the friendship and the knowledge of knowing that you are there.... that you love me as your sister completely without condition... that you never judge but see the best in me and in my family always!

Sweet 16...

Saturday Thayne and I planned a little trip to get a sneak peak

at our newest addition...

I have been so anxious, and so excited, and a tiny bit nervous too.

But the ultrasound was amazing

and my heart was so full of joy it felt like it was going to burst

to see our newest baby!

Even at this early stage I see the similarities in this baby

and the other kids!

Especially the ears!

There were a few little bets going on at our house

about the gender of this baby...

But in the end,

Jace said that everyone should have listened to Nate,

who is the most intellectual and spiritual of all

because he has said he is having a 'brudder'

since we told them we are having another baby...

in fact he has insisted that it is a 'brudder'

and he is right...

We are having a boy!!!

10 boys, 6 girls!

Way outnumbered now!

We are so happy!!!

He looks wonderful.

We now go for the real, big ultrasound

on March 9th.

But for now I am so grateful to have had the chance

to see this precious son growing and doing so well.

My sweet 16!

Trying to be shy here... he wasn't shy about showing us he is a boy though

It's a boy!

Nate

I asked my friend when I would stop worrying about Nate. She said when he is 36 I will still worry about him like I will all of my grown up kids. Hmmm... she has a point! But I don't like the heart stopping fear I sometimes get when he gets sick! And he has been sick again, despite our best efforts. He had a little cough last Thursday, but nothing bad, just a stuffy nose. By the weekend he was on fire and coughing so bad that we knew that he was really, really sick. I was hoping it wasn't pneumonia. Dr H saw him Monday and said that it sounded like it was only bronchitis. ONLY, that's kind of funny that we are hoping for only bronchitis! Well, and a sinush infection. So she gave him an antibiotic and some medicine to help his extremely stuffy nose. I asked her about giving him a shot since he had been sick a few days already and without the shot he doesn't usually get on top of things. She said if he wasn't doing any better to bring him back in, I didn't need an appointment, just come back in and get the shot. Well, the last couple of nights have been horrible and his chest now rattles so much that you could hear it across the room....so I called this morning and said that I was bringing him in for the shot. They were extremely busy and didn't get the message that I had been told just to bring him in. So they wanted me to take him to the emergency room, to which I nicely, yet firmly declined and told them that they need to follow up with Dr H because I wasn't going to take him anywhere near the ER. In the end I got the call to go ahead and bring him in and as luck would have it Thayne finished with his meetings in town early so he was able to meet us and then go with us to the appointment. Those shots hurt and I had been dreading holding him down myself! But the shot is done, his breathing treatments are going well and I am confident that he will be feeling much better by tomorrow!!! And he got to pick out a toy at the grocery store for his pain. Jace will of course have to bring him a Hot Wheels Car to truly make it better.... but we are just grateful to have the shot and get him on his way to mending!

Love stocking up...

I have admitted that I really love to shop... for food! It's not that I have a food addiction, I just love watching the shelves get full. So we have been working on filling the shelves downstairs. It will be awesome to have to figure out a new place to store this stuff when it is completely full!

We got the ads Tuesday and I was very excited to go shopping on Wednesday... we loaded up on cereal, laundry soap and toilet paper. Because really... if you have cereal, laundry soap and toilet paper what more do you need??? We saved $229 and some change.... and got $36 in coupons off the next shopping order! So we went back today and bought 20 more boxes of cereal, 20 more bottles of laundry soap and got a rain check for 20 packages of toilet paper because they were out. We cleared the shelves yesterday! They asked me if I was sure I wanted 20. I told them I would have preferred 40 but we will go with 20. And I got another $18 of free groceries on the next order. There are just very few things in life that make me happier! Wait... no, my babies make me happy, and my husband makes me happy... but that's why stocking up makes me so happy... to take care of these cute little people....

Silly Gabe

This little guy spends a good portion of his days making us laugh! He knows he can do it, and he does it well! While we had him here the other day he looked at his grandpa and then made his face go red while holding his breath making a face very similar to this....

And grandpa almost rolled on the floor laughing. Which of course made the silly little guy do it even more! Every time he could make eye contact with grandpa that day he would make this face while holding his breath and his face would turn bright red... And then he would start laughing because grandpa was laughing too!

His mom showed me he would blink his eyes like he is trying to wink so that is his face for me. He knows that makes me laugh.

It is so fun to have our own little comedian to entertain us. This may be our entire purpose of having kids and grandkids... it gives us something to laugh about. And laughing makes for a much better quality of life!

Greatest compliment today...

I had to take Nate to the doctor today. He has bronchitis again and they checked for RSV but thankfully it was negative. We had to pick up milk and a few things and also grab his prescriptions. As I was checking out the cashier asked if it was my birthday. I told her it was yesterday and she said that she had talked to my kids when they had come in to get me some things for my birthday. She said that she loves my kids and was bragging about them at her church the other day. She told me that she is so amazed at how they are such great friends. That they hear them laughing and talking as the are in the store and how they treat each other like they are best friends. She told me that it is what she has always wanted for her own kids and that she wanted me to know that people notice how great they are... and that she wanted me to know. I was so grateful that she shared that with me. It really made my day!

One year older...

Well...it was that time of the year again yesterday.

My birthday.

A great friend called and sang,

"One year older and wiser too..."

I think she was giving me the benefit of the doubt there!

But I can't deny the one year older.

Although the kids think I am still 29 so we will just go with that!

I have the most amazing family.

I am so blessed to be loved by them all.

We had a fun dinner,

lots of laughing,

and lots of love.

Kailee made cheesecake

and Caitlyn made a Red Velvet Cake

AND

A Lemon Poppy seed cake.

All of it was delicious!

I don't mind getting older because it is so fun

to watch my family grow

and I cherish the years I have shared with Thayne

and always love adding that one more year on...

Thanks for the wonderful birthday...

I am blessed to have you all!

For my kids who complain that there are no pictures of me on here...

and now that there are pictures,

they should understand why I don't put them up!

Silly girls...

Beth is 'adopted' into our family

because she is Kassi's LBF

(which means lovely best friend)

Kailee and Tiffany...
Gabe totally loved grandma's cake!!!

Yum... Yum...Yum!

And just because I love their cute faces...