Home Sick...

I want to go home. I am so home sick for my family I can barely stand it. I miss my other babies. I miss Kami-hen's sweet loves, and cuddles from my Bummy and well... I just miss every single one of them. I hear their voices and it makes me so sad. I want my little man well enough to go home. I want to sleep in my own bed and shower in my own shower and kiss my sweet husband good bye in the mornings and hug him when he gets home from work. WAHHHHHHHHH!!! I just want to go home!!!

But I know we have a lot to be grateful for so I shouldn't complain. I just miss my family!

And it's barely 7am and the crying/screaming has already started. The same one that screamed all day yesterday has been at it for over an hour. Even the nurses are a bit stressed at the screaming.

There's no place like home, there's no place like home... there's NO place like home...........

Busting out.....

The great news is that Nate is improving. The bad news is that he is recovering and BORED! He usually has 24 arms reaching for him at any given moment of the day. He is usually entertained every minute of his waking hours. And he has my personality I am afraid... I hate to sit! I have to get out of the house everyday. I am sitting here in a hospital room going crazy. He is too! And it doesn't help that there have been babies screaming every single minute of the day all day long!!! So finally at 6pm we decided that we were busting out of this joint! They took him off his IV feedings and he was free of tubes so they told us we could go on a walk. He loved it! He was smiling at everyone, checking out everything. He was so happy!!! We walked down to get me something for dinner. I think we will be taking lots of walks until they let us out of here for good!

Chest tube OUT!!!

His chest tube was removed!!! I have to say that it was disgusting. It looked really freaky just sitting there before they pulled it out, a hole in his chest with a tube coming out. YUCK!! But his oxygen has been great, his respiration good, he's comfortable now and we only have the PICC line in which will be in for the next month they say. I am not looking forward to going home with it in, but if it is for the best, how can I complain. I just am not looking forward to home health again for a once a day antibiotic. One doctor says I can do it myself, another says something different. I will surely get to the bottom of this though.

Now we just have to work on eating. He eats small amounts, and ounce or two every couple of hours. The goal is to get him eating normally again. They talked about an NG tube at night. I told them I won't compromise his health but PLEASE let's not go that route if we can help it. I am up all night anyway, I will just work on feeding him all night. Last night wasn't a great night. We had a new nurse. By new I mean young and new to nursing. After all the bragging I did about Rose, we got a not so careful nurse that seemed to barge in every 2 hours and have him crying. I am thinking she is just very young and doesn't have any kids and probably thought I was an overly protective mommy... she would give him the whole dose of meds at once and he would gag and choke. I told her that even when he doesn't have a throat full of mucus we have to give him meds slowly... I finally just told her I would do the meds. It was just not a good deal. But I will let them know that tonight I will be caring for him and they just need to bring me his food on demand!!!

I kind of feel like my mind is going to explode sitting here hour after hour. On both sides there are crying babies. And they have cried for hours. LITERALLY!!! I can't stand to hear my babies cry... I feel so bad for the little ones that I am sure are miserable. It's breaking my heart. We got Nate a sponge bath and he is settled and napping so I think I might go for a walk and see if I can unclog my brain. The hours and days seem to slip by until I don't know what day it is... I need to get out for a minute! Thank goodness Rose is here to take care of him!

And of course I have to add a picture for brothers and sisters... here he is smiling at me after I fed him. He is laughing and being cute and I am so grateful to see his cute sense of humor coming back!

What a great nurse

Nate has had the sweetest little nurse the past 2 days. Her name is Rose, and she is Chinese. I love to watch her with Nate. She comes in to take his vitals and talks to him like he is a little man, explaining everything she is doing to him with her accent. He obviously doesn't like to be poked and prodded because he hurts from the chest tube, so he starts fussing when the nurses start checking him out. Every time Rose goes to check him she starts telling him she is just going to 'touchie, touchie, not hurtie, hurtie' him. She tells him she is listening to him breathe and should she count in Chinese for him. I have never met anyone so excited about my child's pee, poop and gas and she cheers him on for poopie, poopie. She even made me stand back so she could figure out how much he 'peed' on me today since it leaked through while I was holding him. She would make him laugh as she congratulated him on how heavy his diapers were when she weighed them. She is the only nurse to flavor his loratab because she knows he likes the orange flavored Motrin. She apologized to him when she had to suction him. This is a woman that loves her job and I love her because she has taken such good care of my little man. It's nice to have nurses that are so amazing to these little ones. What a gift they are!!!

Turning the corner....

We think we are on the mend here... it will still be several days the doctors say but they think he turned a corner. They clamped the chest tube and hope that he doesn't develop anymore fluid in his lungs and the tube will come out tomorrow if it all goes well. His Andersen tube was taken out (that was sucking the contents of his belly out while he couldn't eat) and he ate a couple of ounces. We are going to try to get him to eat more and get his stomach moving. It is distended but the x-ray showed that it is just air. Poor little guy. The blood transfusion was a success. His anemia improved a bunch, from 20 to 30. And he looks so much better! He was actually laughing today. He's hurting a bit now but he's been up and moving and eating so we gave him his pain meds and hope he can rest really well now. It was so great to see him laughing at me though. And he thought it was hillarious when he peed clear through his diaper and left me soaking wet!!! It's been a week today that we were flown over here.... I hope the next few days go by quickly!

End of the day update....

Nate did good today. He went for his chest x-ray and to have his stomach checked out. Good news... the chest tube looks to have done it's job. They may clamp it off tonight and have another x-ray tomorrow and hopefully... .maybe, just maybe get his chest tube taken out. I am hoping and praying that this happens. He seems to be so uncomfortable all of the time with the tube. Other great news... his stomach and intestines look great so no worries there. He got his blood transfusion and is now resting comfortably with monkey and bear by his side!! He smiled again today so I am thinking he must surely be feeling better!

One step forward.... 1/2 step back...

I don't think I ever believed you could be so tired. I am so exhausted that everytime I sit down my head starts bobbing. I think I fell asleep talking to Garrett. My mind is tired. I am so tired of worrying about my baby boy. Everytime I think we are making a step forward, the doctors come in and shoot me back. Right now they want to give Nate a blood transfusion... a packed Red Blood Cell transfusion. He's anemic and working too hard to keep his oxygen levels high enough. I wish I understood the technical/medical terms they throw at me. Oh, they are great and will explain everything, but my mind is swirling and I am never sure exactly if I know what they were talking about or not. His stomach is distended. He's swollen. They think it is because of the chest tube, taking so much fluid out, and protein, and lipids that his body can't get rid of the fluids they are putting in. He's hungry, he wants to eat, only they keep trying to give him stuff that he doesn't want to eat so he pushes it out with his tongue. I hate seeing him in pain. I know there are others in the world that are suffering worse, and it makes me sad. But this is my baby, he is My little man and I can't stand the thought of him hurting. We've been here almost a week.... he should be better by now. They keep telling me he is going to be here a while. I am so home sick for my other kids. I hate being away from them. I'm just so tired I can't see straight!! We just keep praying and waiting and trusting that he will be fine through this!

One tiny answer to prayers

I am amazed (though I shouldn't be) at how the Lord hears our simplest prayers. I am amazed at the number of people praying for Nathaniel and I know the power of prayer can change everything. But sometimes we overlook the small stuff while praying for the big miracles. Nate has not smiled in 8 days. Not even a hint of a smile. And this is so unusual for our little smiley man. I didn't realize how hard I had been wishing/hoping/praying to see his smile again and wondering if I ever would see that sweet smile. Tonight while the nurse and I were caring for him, I was teasing him that he has put on weight (he is really bloated because of the chest tube) and kept laughing at his double chins and then he gave me the biggest smile! I was able to snap a picture of it on my cell phone and sent it off to several people.... the kids at home and some friends. One sweet friend, whose family had fasted and prayed for Nate today, told me that this smile was a direct answer to her prayer for me today! What a gift it is to have such simple, yet direct answers to our prayers. And what a blessing it is to have friends that care enough to pray those prayers for me! Thank you!!!

Sunday....

I can't believe it is Sunday. I guess Saturday ran into Sunday so quietly that I was too busy to notice.

Last night was a bad night. It seemed like once Thayne and the boys left time just began to drag on and I felt like a deflated balloon. One one hand I was glad that Thayne would be home to manage the house and be there for the other little ones. On the other hand, I felt like I was left alone to deal with the ups and downs of Nathaniel's care. And that is what it truly has been. One minute it looks like things are going good... the next I am holding my breath and wondering what horrible thing they are going to tell me. I hate it when doctors say, "I've never seen this before!" All night I heard that from the doctors and nurses when talking about his chest tube. What it all came down to was that the tube is draining, but air is getting into the space it isn't supposed to.... technical term would be something like, 'A pneumothorax or collapsed lung is causing issues because of the accumlation of air in the pleural cavity because of the pneumonia'.... basically the lung is damaged from the pnuemonia and air is getting between the lung and the lining of the lung and is compromising his breathing even more. So 3 chest x-rays later in the middle of the night we were able to decide that he would sleep on his stomach with his head inside an oxygen tent (I told the kids earlier that I was going to keep Nate in a plastic bubble so nobody can get him sick again... I took pictures to prove it to them!!!). The tube has continued to drain and with Nate on his stomach it manages to get the air out too. He is so bloated. So much protein is going out with the fluid from the chest tube that he isn't making enough protein to urinate all of the fluid being put in him through the IV. He's double his normal size. They tell us this is all very normal for how sick he was. But it doesn't feel normal. We tried to feed him some gatoraide but he didn't want anything to do with it. I just can't wait for him to turn the corner and really start healing. I want my baby boy to smile again!!!

More on the roller coaster....

Another day, another ride on the never ending roller coaster ride. I am so tired. I am so tired of seeing Nate hurt. And now I am waiting for them to get back from x-ray yet again to see if the chest tube is leaking. I am praying it is doing it's job so he doesn't have to get a second tube in. One is painful enough. The doctors said this morning that while it looks like he isn't making progress... he really is. It's just that we take a step forward, and take a baby step backwards. Considering how sick he really was, I guess I shouldn't expect minacles. But I do. I trust that we will get that miracle. I just want him better!!!

Friday morning update....

It is Friday morning, right??? The hours and days seem to flow into each other in a way that I lose track of what day it is. I guess because most everything that really happens seems to happen in the middle of the night and you don't know if you have crossed over from one day to the next.

Nate did well in PICU yesterday and a little before midnight we were told that they had a huge trauma night headed their way and we would be moving back up to the 3rd floor instead of waiting until morning so they could have the room. Sometime after midnight we got settled and Nate was wide awake when we finally left to try to get a little sleep. I will be staying here with him at night after Thayne goes home. We stayed at the Ronald McDonald house the last two nights. I am dreading being here alone. I just want this little man healed up and ready to go home!!!

He's still really swollen which they say is normal. The drainage from the chest tube slowed in the night. He should be getting another chest x-ray today to see if the fluid is going down, or gone. I hope it works quickly so that he can get the chest tube out. It causes him a lot of discomfort and pain. He had another fever last night but they aren't as high, aren't as often and don't take much to break. He's waking up a little more which is good but he still won't smile. I guess we will know he is on the mend when he finally smiles at us. The nurse said she finally put his monkey in his arms last night and he settled in and slept comfortably with monkey. Although the picture of him here with his monkey he doesn't look happy... the pain meds have worn off and he is hurting pretty bad. I just hate knowing that he is in pain.

Jace is coming over today. He can't stand being away from Nate any longer. Tanner and my parents are coming too.

Well... before I could finish this I have seen a couple of doctors and nurses and have a little more information. They identified the infection. It is a strep pneumonia and she said there was nothing we could have done to prevent it. It's not even one they can vax against. They are going to put a PICC line in because he will be taking antibiotics for quite a while. Something new I get to learn to take care of. They took the tube out that was draining the contents of his stomach and we will be trying to feed him on clear liquids soon. Hopefully he can eat enough but if not he will get NG feedings for a while. He at least has had his eyes open today... acknowledged us and his face lit up as he hears his sister or brother on the phone, but he is still one sick little boy. I wish I could just wish away the next week and have him better, but it doesn't sound like he will be completely better for some time. He's our little trooper though and we are grateful for the tiny steps.

Another update....

We think they have things under control. Nate was moved to the PICU and the doctors there were all over his case. They found out he was given too big of a dose of morphine and it made him comatose. They were able to give him a drug that reversed the effects and he woke right up. His blood tests were coming back a little off but this afternoon he is doing good, except in a lot of pain from the chest tube. Apparently he is very sensitive to morphine. The chest tube is doing it's job. So far the drainage is equivalent to 2 pop cans full of fluid and pus. They tell us that is a good thing, that as long as the pneumonia is raging his immune system is making fluid to try to fight it. They also had to put an NG tube in to suck out all of the fluid from his stomach. His bowels aren't working right now and they don't want his stomach filling up with acid and making him throw up. The kids always called him our tube baby.... if they could see him now. He always holds the tube to his oxygen. The nurses were worried that he would try to pull the tubes out but we told them it's more like a security blanket and he just holds it. Sure enough... that's all he does. He still is critical. But his awesome nurse told us that he is going to do just fine, that his body is fighting the way it should be and he thinks Nate will be back up in a regular room by morning. I know all of the prayers are making a difference because we had one sick little boy on our hands. The doctors and nurses have been terrific. I am so grateful we are here. The chest tube is causing him a lot of pain, he moans and moans and I wish there was something more I could do for him, but I am grateful that we live in a time and a place that they are able to do what they have done for him.

It's easy to get scared and afraid. But sitting in PICU and seeing so many others suffering in so many more horrible ways, it makes you step back and count your blessings. I noticed a guy that I thought looked familiar. I noticed he kept looking at Thayne too. Thayne finally noticed him and knew that he was a guy that worked for him at his last company. We had heard there was a shooting in our town. A boy had walked into a house, shot the kid in the head and then went out and killed himself. The boy that got shot is his 13 year old stepson. They are waiting.... he is missing too much of his brain and they are waiting to see if there is any activity and then have to decide to take him off life support. Another little 4 month old was taken off life support after the mother's boyfriend shook him. So many senseless things happen in life. So much pain. While it is hard to watch my little man suffer, I know that he is loved and adored and taken care of. The true pain is watching these people suffer when it was so needless. I can't imagine!!! I am tired of waiting, when the outcome seems to be health in the end. What horror it would be to know you are waiting for the end to come. I am so grateful for what we have, and even grateful to go through the trials because in them we all learn. As bad as it is, everytime we have had a health crisis with Nathaniel I have watched my family grow in so many ways.

I know that many have been praying for him. I wish I could thank each of your personally. But I want you to know that we have felt the prayers. When it gets hard we are lifted and comforted. What a blessing it is to have so many wonderful people be part of our lives.

Here's Nate holding his tube.... and a close up of the chest tube.... modern medicine is just amazing!

Nate

Just a quick update.... he had a downward spiral, not a good night at all. His blood gases are not good, they had to put a tube into his stomach to drain everything out, he's just really having problems. We will be headed down to the Intensive Care Unit soon. The good news is that the fluid around the lung is shrinking. It's amazing to see all that can come out of there but the tube so far is doing it's thing. They tell us that the first couple of days on antibiotics you can actually see a decline first. But that doesn't help me with my breaking heart for this little man. He is so precious to us. I just have to believe with my whole heart that he will get through this.

My little Tater Bug...

Our precious little man is so sick. I can't even begin to think about how close we really came to losing him over the past few days. I have never seen him like this. Even when he was sick before he could always smile. This time he didn't even smile. Last week I had taken him to the doctor where I was told he had coxsackie, a viral infection. I had such a strong feeling that it was something more. We had several kids on antibiotics over the past couple of weeks and I felt that Nate had a bacterial infection also. The strange thing is that his doctor is usually so proactive. She told me he would be really sick with this stuff . He was burning with fever again all night and couldn't keep his oxygen levels up at all... I called the next day to ask if they would please give him some antibiotics. She was going on vacation and didn't call anything in... remember coxsackie is painful. But this was not normal. His temps were close to 104 degrees at times and no matter what we did, it wouldn't break. We barely made it through the weekend. There were times his oxygen dipped really low but again, I was told it was from his viral infection. By Monday I was trying to get him into a doctor. 3 of the 4 pediatricians were on vacation, and the other could see us on Thursday! Tuesday morning we finally forced the issue to get him in and we finally found the doctor that would help. She took us directly to x-ray and sent us right to the ER. I had told her what horrible experiences we had at the ER, she and another doctor told us to go right to the circle where the ambulance parks, walk in those doors and they promised help would be waiting. They must have called and told them not to mess up because we were treated like royalty. That... and it was very apparent that we were dealing with a critically ill infant. They got him stabilized and had life flight on their way. Thayne drove over and I flew with Nate. I was alone for a couple of hours before Thayne got there (love road construction) and in the ER in Salt Lake I was told that we had beat the clock, BARELY. The doctor said that the coxsackie was likely the start of this, but the inflammation caused his lungs enough irritation that a bacterial infection was introduced. The type they think he has is a strep something or other and it's not a good thing. His entire right lobe of the lung is full. On top of that there is fluid around the lining outside of the right lung. But the doctor said that we were literally hours from a catastrophie! They worked all night and all day today to fight the fever. It finally broke around 5pm tonight. It was then decided that a second ultrasound would be done and a chest tube put in. I guess I am overly tired because when they told me it would really hurt him, and that he would be uncomfortable, that I really lost it. I started crying and I couldn't stop. He is my baby. We have fought to keep him alive so many times. Yesterday wasn't a day I would like to live over, except that it it showed the absolute love and devotion the kids have for each other. While in the ER Garrett, Jace, Kimi, Caitlyn, Hyrum were there. Jace just cried and cried. Kimi held him and cried and cried. Kailee sobbed. Everyone stood around with tears in their eyes. The other kids were home saying prayers over and over for him It was really emotional to watch them. Kimi and Kailee went to the airport and sat and watched us come in on the ambulance and then stayed until we flew out. They are so incredible taking care of each other the way they are.

Tonight they put a chest tube in to drain the lining of his lungs. Nate is relaxed right now, thanks to the stuff they gave him to knock him out. He's awake, and doesn't seem in pain. And it's already started to drain. We are praying it drains quickly and he can heal just as quickly as he did before. Everything about this little guy is a miracle. And we are so grateful for him. The word is right now that he will be in here for a the very least a week if not 10 days to 2 weeks.

Making new memories!

We are having the most wicked thunder and lightening storm tonight. The sky shakes and it flashes blue every few seconds and then lightening will light up the skies. The thunder shakes the house. It's a weird night. Sirens and lights, cops, firemen and ambulances have been all over tonight. It's kind of erie. Kailee and I got home from the video store. Thayne had the kids in bed and was ready for bed himself. But he wasn't himself. Kailee asked him if he was okay. It's been a long week... a long weekend. Nathaniel has been so sick and it's had us pretty scared. When I say sick, I mean he has been sicker than when he was flown to the children's hospital when he was a newborn and we are exhausted. But the storm really had Thayne in a strange mood. He told Kailee he has two memories of storms like this. One is of funerals, because he associates it with one of his grandfather's funeral. The other is a personal memory in his childhood that has always haunted him. He shared it with Kailee and me. Trying to lighten the mood I teased him that somehow we were going to have to change those memories and make him some good memories of thunder/lightening storms. I turned and said, "Right Kailee?" She put her hands on both sides of my face and said, "Yes mom, you know what to do... we all want a baby sister!" I couldn't help it. I just started laughing. And I am still laughing thinking about it. Obnoxious teenager she is!!! :) Real funny!!! I can't believe the nerve of that child. But she is almost as much of a baby freak as I am and she has been begging us to have another for months!

I asked Thayne if he wanted to make the kids' dreams come true. He laughed and told me to get away from him! :) But I bet the next time there is a storm like this, he will smile knowing his daughter wants him to have good memories of the storm!

Did you know?

I was doing Kami and Kalli's hair a few minutes ago. They had been reading My Little Book About Prayer and discussing with me what the book was about. Kami started telling me about heaven, before she came here, to our family. She is the funniest little girl. She got all serious and said, "Did you know that Jesus likes popcorn? And He made us popcorn and we watched a movie!" She then went on to describe that Heavenly Father has toys, and He held her and talked to her. I asked her how she got to be so smart and she told me, "Because I'm 3, and my birthday is in August and I will be 4!"

Yep... once you hit 3 you are really smart and you can tell the very best stories too!!!

As long as they're healthy????

Open mouth, insert foot! I have to say I just don't understand people sometime. It would seem that we are only allowed to have children if we can guarantee their health.

We had to make another dreaded trip to the DMV today. Thayne got home early from work and I met him there after taking Nate to the doctor (which is another post... the poor little guy has some horrible virus that is going around that includes high fevers and terrible sores in his throat. He's in so much pain that the doctor prescribed Tylenol w/codeine in hopes that he will be able to eat something). I see an older lady that used to come to Curves all of the time when I worked there. She had been looking the other way when I came in and ran for the bathroom while Thayne took the Tahoe for the VIN inspection. I got in the ridiculous line to start the musical chairs (see past DMV post if you want to know about the wonderful system they have) waiting game. I thought I heard her say something to her husband about me, and I'm pretty sure I heard him say several times "so she's CRAZY!" but I'm not totally sure! Nate was burning up with fever and his medicine was wearing off by the time we made it to the counter so I walked away and then was standing over by the lady. I said hi, asked her how she was doing. She then says, "You have another one?" I say yes. She says, "And HOW many does this make for you?" I say 15! Now I am just not feeling the love for her much. She always had an opinion about me having children at Curves but it's okay, I'm pretty thick skinned. But this was in public and LOUD! She is waiting for her son that I'm pretty sure is older than me to get his license. Ummmmm hmmmmm... not saying anything but ;) well, who's to talk about a crazy lady with 15 kids!!! She then stands up waiting for her husband and son and says, "So, are you finally going to be DONE with him?" Now... I have to say that I become like a teenager when somebody says that to me and just automatically say, "Not sure, probably not!" She then says, "Well, I guess as long as they're healthy!" I was kind of floored by that. I know a lot of people who have ONE child that wasn't born 'healthy' so I just looked blankly at her and said, "Oh, actually we have had a whole bunch of health problems with him and almost lost him at 3 1/2 weeks. He spent 4 1/2 months on a feeding tube and still sleeps with a monitor and oxygen....And we just got done at the doctor because he has some funky virus and is burning up with a fever right now, but he's sure precious to us and we wouldn't trade him for the world!!!" Then I said, "And he wasn't planned... we pretty much thought we were done before him, so who's to ever say never because you just never know!" :) Now she is fumbling for words... telling me God must have had a different plan for us and uh, oh, uh.... I said, "Yes He did, and we are thankful for it because he sure healed some hearts at our house!" I really didn't say it mean, I was just blown away by the implication that it's alright for me to keep having babies as long as they are healthy, as if a child that is less than perfect is unwanted!!! And it was very much implied by the tone of her voice! Who's to say what perfection is anyway! I was very serious about Nate healing hearts here. Before he was born, Jace was still struggling from the suicide of his best friend. It didn't matter that it had almost been two years, he still never really smiled. You know, that smile that goes all the way to your eyes, the kind that says you are really happy! And then we had Nate. When we were flown to the Children's Hospital, Jace came and stayed. He stayed with his brother, encouraged the little man to keep fighting, fought with him and is truly happy again. Nate adores him. Nate's face lights up just as bright as Jace's does when they see each other. Nate was sent here for more reasons than I can even count. So even if he did eat through a tube, even if he still pukes milk in my hair after his morning feeding, even if he sleeps with oxygen... he's still very much perfect in our eyes!!!

Dragging today....

My poor baby boy is sick. He started running a fever yesterday and I can't get it broke yet. He's sick!!! I'm afraid it's another ear infection. He did not sleep at all last night. Which meant I did not sleep. When 5am rolled around I seriously did not want to climb out of bed but I went on our walk. The girls are walking with us right now because they are going on a 3 day trek next week. I am dragging from the walk, dragging from the night of no sleep, just dragging. I hate seeing my little man sick! Hopefully we will get him better very soon!!!

Sisters

My sister is 7 years younger than me. We have always loved each other, but we haven't always been super close. We are now. Her husband works for Thayne and we go out quite often and well.... she is the friend I always hoped she would be. We couldn't be more different if we tried, and yet, we are a lot alike. We share the same parents, that's enough to make us companions and friends. Who else can worry about parents like sisters can??!! In March of 2002 my sister became a widow. I have never hurt for another soul like I did that night for her. She called me while she was sitting alone waiting for them to come and get his body. We cried. I experienced something that is hard to explain. I felt what she was feeling. It wasn't empathy, or even sympathy. For a few moments in time I felt her emotions as clearly as she was feeling them. We talked about some strange things on the phone in the middle of the night. She was there, looking at the body of the man she had loved since she was 16 years old. He had been my brother from the time we met because we knew that they were meant to be together. He had been Thayne's brother. They had so much in common. I will never forget that night.

So, 7 years later and I have watched her go through so many things, go through so manyt changes. Struggle with her anger and grief. She has made mistakes, she has grown. And she has become a friend to me in a way that nobody else ever could. She holds a place in my heart like nobody ever can, because she is my only sister. She is the only one that truly understands some things.

Yesterday she sent me the first chapters of the book she is writing. I read it and cried. But I smiled because, well... my little sister is really talented!!! She's amazing. She walked through the fire. She got burned along the way. But she is still standing. And I am proud of her!!!

Canyon again...

Still more pictures to add....

More canyon pictures!

Just adding some more pictures from our trip to the canyon!

Fun in the canyon

We took the kids up to the canyon because they had been begging us to go, and because a friend from a town close to us was up there with her family camping. We took sandwich stuff and everything needed for s'mores! After visiting a while, we went down to another camp site to eat and build a fire to make our yummy treats. It was so nice. It was just the younger kids, well, except Kimi. I laughed because Garrett asked us why we were going when he had to work. Ummm... son, because well, you are a grown up and you work! hehe!!! Are we supposed to plan our lives around him? He certainly doesn't plan his life around us! :) (grown up children are so fun!!! This morning he and Jace climbed on our bed, it was a late morning where EVERYONE slept in, which is so odd and were complaining about not getting personal invitations to go with us to the canyon and would we be going when THEY could go too! It stinks growing up)

The water was running fast but the kids were great about staying away from it and we just sat around talking and enjoying each other's company. We don't get to do that very often. There was no fighting, just great fun. We are going to go up for Family Home Evening and of course the kids are excited to make s'mores again!!!

As if it's not enough...

That we have to worry about our kids. But now we have to worry about our parents too!!! I went with my mom to the doctor's today. We spend 2 1/2 hours there going through a test she had taken a few weeks ago to rule out any serious problems. She's had a bad kidney infection and had a CAT scan and this was the follow up. We found out that she is fine, no cancer or anything, but we did find out that she has 3 kidneys which was likely what they 'detected' in the original x-ray. It was actually really interesting but strange to think that she has 3 kidneys. And no... she isn't supposed to go out and donate one the doctor said! ;) He also told us that one in 3 girls born to women with 3 kidneys could have a 3rd one also and it runs in families. Weird! Although I have one daughter now that we probably should have checked since she has had a couple of bladder infections recently.

I didn't mind going, and waiting with her. The thing that kept running through my mind was that I did not want to have to worry about my parents getting older. I don't want to worry about their health. We were looking at pictures recently and my sister's husband asked how old my dad was in the picture. He was about in his early 40's.... just older than me and I remember how young I thought he was. Now why do they have to keep aging like my darned kids???!!! I am not getting any older, so how is it possible that my parents and my kids keep aging???

What a blessing that it isn't anything serious though. For that I am grateful!

Happy Birthday Thayne!!!

Thanks for letting me share your last 22 birthdays. Can't wait to see what the next 22 bring.... and then the 22 after that! It's amazing how easy it is to look at you and see the past so clearly, but look so forward to the future!

Love you always!

Thanks for dinner...

Jace and Caitlyn. They knew I have had a horrible migraine all day and were talking about bbquing dinner in the canyon. He asked what we were having and I told him they would be lucky if they g0t french toast since I didn't want to cook. He told me to hold on and off he went to get steaks, chicken, salad, potatos and made a great dinner for us! So THANKS A LOT FOR DINNER, IT WAS WONDERFUL!!!

She knows her business!!!

My kids make me laugh. Sometimes I think that is the only reason I kept having them, is because they really make me laugh! Kami had lots of help at the parade getting candy. So, she tells us.... "Oh yeah, everybody helped me get candy... I know my business!"

We were going for a walk yesterday evening. Some of the kids were riding their bikes. Kami has been riding a two wheeler for a while now but we told her to slow down and be careful. She slammed on the brakes, put her feet down and turned around and said, "I know, I know... I told you I KNOW my business!" We just burst out laughing. She has an attitude alright and we totally blame her siblings! And she knows it too. We were trying to get a short nap yesterday after church and she came in, jumped between Thayne and me and asked over and over if she could have a cookie. We joked that if we ignored her she would surely go away. She didn't! So we told her no, we were napping and she wasn't having a cookie. She said in the most straight forward voice I have ever heard: "You do know if you don't get up and get me a cookie, one of my siblings will get it for me!"

And we wonder why the little ones are so spoiled! Yep... that girl KNOWS her business!!!

Seriously bad hair day...

I thought maybe I could hang this picture on my mirror for anytime I think I am having a bad hair day! Kalli had her hair in pigtails and curled in tiny ringlets. When the girls took her hair out to get ready for bed it was sticking up really funny so Kailee 'ratted' it up a bit and she came up to show it off. It was the funniest looking rats nest of hair I have ever seen and she laughed and laughed and showed off missing her two top teeth! My dad teases that my sister used to do the same thing to her hair on purpose. He was joking that she would wet her hair down, get in the car, stick her head out the window and drive, and then get out and hairspray it to the point that it wouldn't move! :)

More fun on the 4th

Still more pictures. The kids had a really fun day. I can't believe how quickly the summer is going by. The kids go back to school early next month, the 18th this year which is really early for us. Before we know it the year will be over. Time seems to be flying so fast!!!

And even more....

Pictures of the 4th.... the parade, fun in the park, etc....

Pictures of the 4th....

Just some fun pictures of kids on the 4th. All in all it was a pretty good day!