Gratitude 2013 Day 12

Today I am grateful that I get to be a grandma...

and Thayne gets to be a grandpa,

to (so far) 6 of the most adorable children ever born!

It is amazing to watch them grow.

It's amazing to watch their parents grow.

Our hearts just keep getting larger and our lives keep getting richer.

I count my blessings every day,

and they are at the top of that list!!!



Gratitude 2013 Day 11

Today I am grateful for flowers...

and a husband who will bring them home randomly

to cheer me up and let me know he loves me!

 

I am also grateful for our veterans and the sacrifices they have made

in our behalf.

I am grateful for their families who also sacrifice so that we may remain free!

Gratitude 2013 Day 10

My Sunday gratitude.... 

I am grateful for the gift of faith. 

We had some pretty amazing conversations about faith over the past couple of days

and I am grateful to see how faith has blessed my life.

  Having the faith to trust The Lord isn't necessarily always easy,

 but looking back over my life I see how me trying to decide,

or even demand life work out exactly the way I wanted it,

 or thought it should,

 would have robbed me of the most incredible blessings. 

Looking back,

I wonder why I thought for one minute that I could even think I had a better way. 

We know that the only thing we truly have to give to The Lord is our will

 and I will forever be grateful for that moment when I had the faith to let go of my will

 and give it to Him.

Because He has far better things in store for me than I ever have had for myself. 

Faith is my reason for being on this earth. 

To walk by faith. 

To become like the One that sent me.

  Yes, it takes faith in something I can't "see" at the moment. 

But the tangible evidence of the blessings are enough to keep me believing.

Gratitude 2013 Day 9

Today I am grateful for being a mom. 

I am not just grateful for the sweet times,

or those amazing smelling newborn babies,

 but also for the heart wrenching times when I feel like I am failing in every way.

  I am grateful for the teaching moments.

 I am grateful to know that my heart is capable of loving not just one,

but many human beings so completely and so perfectly,

 and even when "I" am far from perfect,

I know that my love for them IS perfect. 

I am grateful for the ability to sacrifice and for the ability to pray for my children

 and for the tiny miracles daily that prove to me

that though I love them to the best of my abilities,

they are loved absolutely perfectly by our Father in Heaven.

He loves them even more than me.

  He gives me light, and hope that He will help me.

  I am grateful to understand that giving more than I thought I ever had,

has made me better than I ever could have been.

I learned what it means to know that you would lay down your life

 for another human being. 

I am grateful to have learned what life is really about.

  I am grateful that I got to feel life grow within me time and time again.

  I am grateful for those nights when I lay in bed with my hands on my belly,

 feeling kicks and turns and dreaming of who that little soul would be.

  I am grateful for the tears I have cried,

and the nights I lay awake wondering what to do,

because I learned that I never walk alone in this.

  I have felt the Savior wipe my tears

 when I did not or could not do anything else but pray.

 I am grateful for the lost nights of sleep while I rocked a crying baby,

 because I now know how quickly those years went by.

 I am grateful for the joy I have felt

as little hands give me dandelions 

and drew me pictures

and hugged me when I am sad.

I am grateful for the times when they have shown me

 fierce loyalty and great compassion,

when they encircled me as I mourned

 and give me courage when I am afraid.

  Nothing has ever taught me more than I have learned

 by being a mom to these amazing people.

Gratitude 2013 Day 8

Today I am grateful for the opportunity I have to pursue a dream that I almost doubted would happen.  I am especially grateful for my husband and children supporting me while I accomplish this dream, because it takes time away from them. 

 

I committed to taking a 9 month class by www.wedofeet.net and it has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life.  What I am learning brings me so much peace, and joy.  I have to travel one weekend a month and be away from my family, yet I have gained some wonderful relationships with the women teaching, and participating in the class. 

 

It is also something that I have wanted to do as a way to bless my family and friends, because it truly IS a blessing.  It is a way to heal both physically and emotionally and I look forward to the next several months as I complete the class!  I have already had so many experiences that have reinforced the decision to do this and makes me excited for all of the experiences to come!

Gratitude 2013 Day 7

Today I am grateful to live in America. 

Every time I hear the National Anthem I get tears in my eyes.

  This is still the land of the free and the home of the brave. 

I am so grateful for the heroes that have fought for our freedom,

 now and in the past!

 

(Taken at the Real Salt Lake soccer game)

Gratitude 2013 Day 6

Today I am grateful for the many reasons in my life that I have to smile!

Gratitude 2013 Day 5

Today I am grateful for many things that living in the year 2013 provides.

  I am grateful for new hot water heaters that warm my water up instantly

 instead of having to warm water over a fire to do dishes by hand.

(I did that today... heated fire to wash my dishes!)

  I am grateful for Facebook and having friends know what was going on

 and offering to help,

and for friends that wanted to help but had trials of their own.

  I am grateful for washing machines that allow my laundry to continue all day long. 

(Instead of having to do all of that by hand too!)

I am grateful for hot showers.

(even if I have to ask my daughter in law if I can borrow hers before mine was fixed!)

  I am grateful for cell phones that allowed my husband to do his work from home

between working on fixing the mess from our shock and awe bomb.

 (aka old water heater!!!)

I'm also grateful for my kids being willing to work so hard

 to get things back together

 and for taking care of each other so well. 

It makes me smile to listen to your conversations

and I feel really blessed to think that you guys can be mine forever!

  And...

a couple other little things that made me smile today in the middle of the chaos!

Blessings In Disguise

Well...

 Instead of crying in despair over the garage

 and two bedrooms in the basement being flooded,

 I will instead cry on gratitude that angels protected my home

from what certainly should have burned out home to the ground. 

Yes, just this morning they used to be a nice,

 normal looking furnace and water heater.

The water heater literally gave up the ghost.

  As a positive we now get to move the five thousand plus pounds of wheat

 and other food storage in the garage out and clean behind it all. 

See, the silver lining.

  And just to put it out there....

You won't win Satan!

You may get me down but you won't break me!!!!

Gratitude 2013 Day 4

 



Today I am grateful for angels.

Those we see and those we don't see.

 When I left my house this morning,

 I prayed that angels would surround my children

 and watch over them,

 and also that angels would keep watch over our home.

  I am thankful that while it seems to be storming,

at least we are being watched over and blessed in the storm! 

I am grateful for the angels that seem to come to our rescue

(...I am pretty sure Buffy and Tracy have shown up at just the right time

for more than one emergency of ours!)

and for my boys willing to step up and clean up.

 And for the one that brought me a hot chocolate

just because he knew I was stressed.  

  I learned a long time ago to look for the blessings

 in the middle of the trials

 and find a reason to rejoice even when it's hard.

  So tonight I am grateful that my pizza kids brought pizza home

and that we have a wood stove to keep us warm tonight

and sons that help their dad

 and sisters that take little ones to their house to spend the night.

 Rejoice in all that we have and

we won't think about what we don't have.

Gratitude 2013 Day 3

Day 3

 

I am grateful today for the freedom to worship how I choose.

 To be able to go to church and partake the sacrament,

 and renew my baptismal covenants with The Lord.

I am grateful to be able to have my spirit fed,

 and hear messages that will lift my soul. 

I am especially grateful today for the gift of the atonement

and to know that I do not ever walk alone.

Gratitude 2013 Day 2

Day 2

I am grateful for a God that performs miracles.

 I am grateful to have seen miracles of Biblical proportions in my life,

 and for the knowledge that with faith,

those miracles will continue to happen.

That we do not have a quota for the number of miracles

we can have in our life...

 

And I am grateful that when I pray,

 those prayers are heard...

 and answered.

Gratitude 2013

I love the month of November...

and I especially love reading 'gratitude' posts on Facebook.

It motivates me to stop and smell the roses

and reflect on things that I am truly grateful for.

 

Day 1:

I am thankful for my husband.

 For all he is, for the way he loves us, and works so hard for us
and for the absolute peace I felt the first day I met him.

  For not just being the right one,

but for making sure that we are working for more than just now...

 he has always made sure we are working on forever!

 For being my very best friend.

  After all these years I am still not sure where I stop and he begins. 

 

Thank you Thayne for giving me a million reasons to be grateful.



Temple with a friend

I had the greatest privilege this summer of going to the temple with my friend, Sharice.  She asked me to be her escort (which just means that I have been to the temple before and I got to go with her and make her feel like she isn't the only one who is still just learning!)

 

Kassi, her friend Beth and I went to California for the weekend.  Sharice went to the Oakland Temple.  It was great to go to that beautiful temple and it was amazing to get to be with Sharice on a day she has been dreaming about and working towards for a long time!

It was fun and amazing and we only almost died on the crazy California freeways once!!!

Emmett's Blessing

(Finally catching up on the really important things)

Emmett was blessed by his dad in July.

There really aren't many things more amazing

than seeing the men in your life,

especially your husband and sons,

standing in a circle with a sweet baby in their arms.

Seeing your son blessing his own child is priceless.

Emmett is such a beautiful little boy.

His brothers seem to adore him,

though I see Tiffany having her hands full with those three little boys

in the future!

I am grateful for Tiffany,

for her desire to have these children and be such a great mom to them.

I love to see Garrett as a dad.

He truly loves his boys.

He teaches them to do the things he does, by example,

but also hands on, by experience, working side by side with him.

 

I am grateful for this beautiful family that they are creating together.

 



You can learn a lot about life from a two year old

 

We had to make a trip to Utah for the orthodontist

to get Kinzee's braces removed (yay!).

Since we had to be there early,

and since Tallin had an appointment too,

it was the perfect time to go spend the night at his place.

Added benefit was Noah got to see his 'In'.

Noah was SO happy.

Tallin probably wasn't as happy since he had to share his bed with Noah.

It's kind of amazing to see the love the big kids have for the little ones.

Noah and Tallin have a pretty great relationship,

and I have no doubt that it's just as hard on Tallin

as it is on Noah, being apart.

 

After the braces were off,

we still had a few hours to kill waiting on the retainer.

I went to the temple while Kinzee took Noah for lunch.

We walked the temple grounds

and I realized I still had a lot to learn from a two year old.

Everyone should take the time to see life through the eyes

of a two year old and see what really matters.

 

We stopped at every fountain of water.

Each was as exciting as the last, and deserved to be appreciated.

We stopped to look at each flower

(there are a lot of flowers on Temple Square).

You couldn't just go 'up' the elevator or escalator.

You had to go down too, and then back up.

Trucks were something to be excited about.

Men riding in golf carts, working on the grounds, had to be waved at.

Stairs.

We got to count them going up.

And back down again, only to start over.

Everything has to be done without help.

We climb up to inspect each fountain.

Sometimes you just have to touch the water.

Sometimes you have to dunk your head in the water,

and then squeal with delight!

Everything takes longer.

Yet is so much more enjoyable to have no place to be,

no need to hurry,

and nothing more important to do

except just enjoy the moment together,

walking hand and hand.

 

Thank you Noah.

For loving, and giving love and for your joy of life.

Thank You Heavenly Father for giving me this rainbow baby,

who makes me stand back and enjoy the rainbows AND the rain.

 

Life Keeps Changing

 

I can't believe how much life has changed recently.
Our family has gone through so many growing pains lately.
  Ok, well...
maybe that should be
 MOM has gone through the growing pains.
  The kids are just growing!

 

We are down to 8!

We had 12 kids living at home at the beginning of summer,

and now we are down to 8!

This is where I usually burst into song,

singing, Living On a Prayer.

You know...
half way there!

 

I told Thayne that if we had stopped when my mom told us to,

we would be empty nesters.

Not that this is in any way appealing to us right now.

It seems strange to even think about yet.

There are days the house is so quiet, I feel like my ears are ringing

from the silence.

 

We moved Tallin to Utah to start school there.

Thankfully he is able to continue working for our company there.

He starts school on the 16th and is nervous, and excited.

 

Kinzee and Kassi are sharing a place.

All summer Kinzee worked four (count them... FOUR) jobs

preparing for her first year of college.

She is now enjoying her ONE job,

and a full load of college classes.

She is so happy...

and not even 18.

I admit, I had a hard time agreeing to her

moving out of the house. 

But Kailee was moving to Idaho

and Kassi needed a roommate. 
To be honest,

it's much easier letting them go together that it is alone.

 

Kailee is helping Caitlyn with Maelynn this year

while Cait finishes her last year in dental hygiene.

She will be working for an assisted living home and

working on getting her CNA

and possibly work on getting into the nursing program.

I miss her so much.

She was my walking buddy and I miss those morning talks/walks!

But I love seeing her so happy.

 

Jace changed jobs too.

He is working with Thayne,

and they are shaking things up.

Seeing them work together is pretty amazing,

and they are getting busier by the day.

 

Willie is now the oldest one left at home.

Thankfully I still have a couple of years left

before he starts thinking of leaving me!

 

Tonight Kassi has all of the little kids,

spending the night with her.

My house is silent right now.

Absolutely silent.

I love that the girls adore their siblings

and spend so much time with them still.

The little kids adore their big brothers and sisters.

 

The other day Noah picked up my keys and said,

"In's keys?" 

I told him now, they were not Tallin's keys.

He looked really sad and said, "NO!  In's KEYS!"
Later he was outside with Hyrum. 
Hyrum came in and said,
"Noah saw the work truck and said, 'In's truck' and when I told him

no he looked like he was going to cry."

Then he said,

"This is why the people in our family shouldn't grow up

and move away!"

I didn't know if I wanted to laugh... or cry!

But I am grateful that they love each other.

 

 

 

Writer's Block (or something)

I love blogging.   I love keeping a journal.  That is something I have done since 2nd grade.  It's something my grandma did.  It's something my dad does.  I remember nights at my grandma's house as she spent a few minutes writing in her journal.  My dad did the same.  Keeping my blog for my kids has been something that was important to me since I started one almost 6  years ago.  But the past several months it has become nearly impossible to sit down and keep up! 

I think that part of the reason is the new company.  So much was going on that there wasn't a lot of time to get on the computer when I got home.  I attempted a few posts, but looking through my pictures the past few days, I realize there are so many posts going through my head.  I am so far behind I don't know if I dare try to catch up.  I suppose my kids have even given up on me now since Kimi and Garrett don't even ask me to update anymore! ;)

I think it is more though.  I realize that some people are... well, I am not even sure what the word is.  Mean, maybe.  Mean spirited?  I don't know.  I'm not even sure how to express my feelings.  Mostly  I do not understand why anyone would waste time out of their life to 'stalk' someone, if they supposedly don't even like them.  It is hard to understand being so miserable in your own life that you take the time to link someone's blog to a private group and make fun of them.  It's strange to me to think that someone who professes to hate, or have left a religion is determined to, in private, shred a person.  I can't comprehend that.  It's not even something I can process.  Or maybe, if you don't really want to be part of someone's life, yet you feel the need to 'check in' or even call out a person trying to humiliate them... well, what in the world are  you trying to prove?  What do you want to accomplish?  I especially love the people who call out someone as a hypocrite, while acting the part themselves.  It's all so mentally exhausting.  Reminds me of Lehi's dream in the Book of Mormon.  When you are trying to hold the iron rod (or in other words, live the gospel of Jesus Christ, be a Christian knowing full well you will fall short), do the best you can, the people in the great and spacious building are pointing and mocking.  Why is it that these type of people expect you to be perfect, yet in no way expect any of that same perfection of themselves?  It's like society screaming for tolerance, yet have none themselves.

Then, there is the fact that we all have a story, but we should try really hard to not tell someone else's story while telling  your own, and lately I can't figure out how to do that.  We started a new life a year ago.  A life that we felt was the direction the Lord wanted us to go.  It very quickly became apparent that it was not going to go as smoothly as we had hoped.  Of course!  I remember as clear as if  it just happened this afternoon, I came home from work and could not even pray the words in my heart.  The big deal had fallen through and what had just the day before felt so bright and promising, suddenly felt dark and broken.  I could only speak the words, "Heavenly Father..." and then the tears started and I wanted to stomp my feet and demand Him to take it all back.  But it doesn't work like that.  I live my life with the words, "Thy will, not mine, be done" on my lips, and in my heart.  But I didn't want to do His will right then.  I wanted the optimism back.  I wanted to feel hopeful.  I did NOT want it to be so hard.   Before I could say another word, I felt like I had Heavenly arms wrap around me, and I heard the words, "I already told you it was right.  Why did you think it would be easy?"  And peace came.  Peace.  The kind of peace that you feel, even while the storm is raging.  But the problems weren't going to just go away.  Which was part of the problem!  Thayne said that if he had known what he was walking into, it would have never been an option.  Yet here we were.  In the middle of someone else's story.   A story that was so intertwined with our old life, friends, people from church, from the community, that I felt almost sick on a daily basis.  Yet the words were still swirling around in my mind.  "I already told you it was right.  Why did you think it would be easy?"  As I watched my husband shut down, and turn off the amazing and brilliant way that he did his job, it confused me, and broke my heart.  Even knowing what would have to happen to change it meant messing up someone else's story.  But I was angry.  Because another person chose not to be honest in their story, left us being 'judged' in a sense by the people who wouldn't see beyond the story being twisted to save another's sense of pride.   As I said, it's kind of mentally exhausting.

Our life story changes.  Things happen, and we get to decide whether we stretch and grow or break.  I wondered sometimes if breaking, walking away from the hard stuff wouldn't be a better choice.  But easy rarely means it is right.   A friend we have met because of this new life told me once that really good men were praying for one man, even when that man was in no way concerned about the really good men that were praying for him.  At one point Thayne had to do something for the good of the job that would affect another family.  I was heartbroken.  I kept asking him if he could just not do it.  He looked me in the eye and said, "Kim, I have prayed about this, and I know this is right.  Have you prayed about it?"  I realized something...  Even in the hard things, even when it looks like it will hurt someone, the Lord gives us hard times to learn to depend on Him.  And that can never be a bad thing!

Add this to the fact that my life has been in a fog for the past two years.  As I come out of the fog, at long last, I have come to understand just how bad the postpartum depression was after Noah.  No, it has been so much longer than that.  I am sad in some ways because I am not the person I used to be, and I miss that person.  But I also know that the person I am has gone through the refiners fire.  I have been held to the fire.  I can stand up and say that I didn't give up, and I didn't give in, and I trusted that even though my heart felt close to breaking at times... I still trusted the Lord.   My heart is a little more fragile than it was, my spirit a little bruised sometimes.  Once in a while I have to stand back and remind myself that anger, and even revenge, is not the way to happiness and peace.  I have remained true to all that I believe, and all I hold dear.

So what does this have with writer's block?  Or just my lack of desire to blog?  It's overwhelming to think of catching up.  There are things that are on my heart that I want to blog about.  To have it recorded, for me, and for my kids, my family.  But it is hard for me to trust completely right now.  I am sort of protective of my heart right now.  So I created another blog.  A private one, for the deepest thoughts.  I don't want to make this blog private for a variety of reasons, but I don't know that I can always share the things that I really want to share.  Because, I still do not understand a person's need to be mean.  I will not worry about catching up.  I will catch up.  But I will just go forward and catch up as I can, without being overwhelmed.  It's not for anyone else but me...  And maybe Garrett and Kimi! ;)

Ruby Mountain Relay

Kailee and I have been walking/running in the mornings.
We usually get up early and walk to the shop.
It's a little over 4 miles. 
She also loves to run.
Which is what we were talking about one morning, on our way to the shop.
She told me she would have loved to run the Ruby Mountain Relay.
She also mentioned that she saw on Facebook that they needed someone to run

on one of the teams.
So, right there, two miles into our run, she signed up...

for the next day!
The teams would run 184 miles Friday and Saturday.
She was so excited and had such a great time.
Even though she was ran off the road by a car,

it just added to the excitement of it all!

 

Crazy girl...
She's got it in her head that we need to have our own team next year!
At least we have a year to prepare!!!


Cowboy Color Run

We ran our first ever 5K. 

 Well... we mostly ran.
It's been a few (cough, 20 or so) years since I have ran,

except to keep up with kids!

Kailee decided that we needed to run the Color Run for Autism.
We had the greatest time.

So much fun!
This is going to become a family affair from now on.

 

After the run, we walked in the parade for the fair.
Noah wanted to go with us.
I had almost taken him on the run with us but I figured he would hate getting dirty.
I should have known better.  He LOVED it!
  By the time we got half way through the parade, he was covered!

This was a fantastic day.

Can't wait to do it again!