One step forward.... 1/2 step back...

I don't think I ever believed you could be so tired. I am so exhausted that everytime I sit down my head starts bobbing. I think I fell asleep talking to Garrett. My mind is tired. I am so tired of worrying about my baby boy. Everytime I think we are making a step forward, the doctors come in and shoot me back. Right now they want to give Nate a blood transfusion... a packed Red Blood Cell transfusion. He's anemic and working too hard to keep his oxygen levels high enough. I wish I understood the technical/medical terms they throw at me. Oh, they are great and will explain everything, but my mind is swirling and I am never sure exactly if I know what they were talking about or not. His stomach is distended. He's swollen. They think it is because of the chest tube, taking so much fluid out, and protein, and lipids that his body can't get rid of the fluids they are putting in. He's hungry, he wants to eat, only they keep trying to give him stuff that he doesn't want to eat so he pushes it out with his tongue. I hate seeing him in pain. I know there are others in the world that are suffering worse, and it makes me sad. But this is my baby, he is My little man and I can't stand the thought of him hurting. We've been here almost a week.... he should be better by now. They keep telling me he is going to be here a while. I am so home sick for my other kids. I hate being away from them. I'm just so tired I can't see straight!! We just keep praying and waiting and trusting that he will be fine through this!