A wise man once said, "In all living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." We have weathered storms that tried to break us, but through it all, we have always tried to find the joy in our journey. Watching our family grow has given us more joy than we ever thought possible. There is joy in the journey, even in the middle of the storms!
I never knew how much love a heart could hold, until they called me mom
Monday, January 21, 2008
Will I ever sleep again?
I have to wonder if I will ever get a good night's sleep again? At least anytime in the near future. My poor husband has been known to sleep though a minor earthquake or a major world war but he can't sleep anymore! We are awake constantly watching the monitor. The first night we had Nathaniel home I was awake all night worried that he would run out of food, or that I would miss his oxygen dropping. I was just worried! Last night I was feeling better about everything, or so I thought. I did sleep in between being awake, if that makes sense! :) He had a good night. But poor Thayne did not sleep well at all. And he had to get up at 3:30am for work. Everytime I moved, he looked up to check Nate's oxygen level. Is there hope of ever getting a good nights rest again? Will we forever be worried that if we close our eyes he will stop breathing? Will he grow out of this? Will he need oxygen long term? Will his throat heal? Will we get him healed enough from the reflux that he can eat normally again? Just questions that seem to go through my mind every second of the night. But then we all know that nights are worse than daytime. Everything seems scary and we blow it all out of proportion. But sometimes I feel like I am mourning all of the things I am missing out on... like being able to cuddle and nurse him in the night. I'm sure it is normal to feel this way. Maybe it is just the lack of sleep. I feel so tired that I am not even tired anymore. One day I will sleep again I am sure. Hmmm.... I wonder when that will be!
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3 comments:
Kim
I am so sorry this is going on. My son (who is now 7) had severe asthma as a baby. At first they thought it was reflux (but they never did the testing like they did on your son and so he took all the meds for no reason) and he went through the same things but thankfully only in for a few days (3-4).
For the entire first year though we went through this. His asthma was so severe that he was getting neb treatments every 4 hours around the clock for the entire first year. Sometimes if he got a cold it was bumped up to more and we spent almost every day in our pediatricians office or at the hospital.
I hope and pray yours ends soon and your able to get some rest. For both you and Thayne as well as baby.
Hugs to you all
Amy and the 4 monkeys
I'm sure it will get easier but of course you need to mourn those things that you love doing with your babies! That doesn't mean you aren't grateful for what you do have. It's okay to be sad about those things. Maybe it won't be for too long. We'll pray for that.
Oooooooh, I just ache for you! I wish there was something I could do. I tell myself that maybe I will get a good night of sleep during the millennium!
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