Playing Catch Up January

It seems like there is never enough time to sit down and play catch up here.  I have the desire, but the moment I plan to sit down and type, I either get side tracked or look at the pictures and find myself staring at the computer screen a little lost and no longer motivated to write. 

January was a crazy month.  It was also quite painful and a very emotional month to get through for a number of reasons.  New Year's Eve was quiet, and mostly just sad.  Garrett and Tiffany and the boys came over to play games, but my head and heart wasn't in it and was ready to go to bed long before midnight rolled around. 2014 rolled in, whether we wanted it to or not. 

I had thought many times how tiring the last few years have been and joked that we had 7 years of famine, so it was time for the 7 years of feast.  I was ready for a year free of stress and pain.  I know...it's a lot to ask for but I was hoping!  So, I really shouldn't have been surprised when I was told that my brother Shalum was doing CPR on my mom and the ambulance was on it's way to take her to the hospital.  She had what appeared to be a seizure and her heart had stopped.  I raced to town to meet them at the hospital.  My brother, Shayne, was there when I got there and we waited for the ambulance.  The three of us sat there for hours waiting on the doctors to try to figure out what was going on and wondering if we were going to lose our mom within days of losing dad.  Her heart stopped another time that evening, and we stood outside the room waiting for doctors and nurses to respond to the Code Blue.  It was surreal.  I can tell you that things do not happen in real life like it does on TV.  It seemed like everyone was moving in slow motion and we wondered if they were going to take the Code Blue seriously.  Her heart had stopped again and finally a nurse climbed up on the bed and started doing chest compressions.  Did I mention how surreal that is?  It was a crazy nightmare, but her heart finally started beating again and sometime in the middle of the night they finally moved her to ICU trying to figure out what was going on.  Several days, and not many answers later, she was released but it felt like we were holding our breath wondering when and if it would happen again.  At the time, they thought that her potassium level was really low, and it likely caused most of the problems.  Yet it did happen again.  Her heart stopped briefly and for hours after she just stared.  She couldn't move, she couldn't acknowledge that she was able to hear and understand, yet her eyes followed us, and sometimes, a single tear would roll out of the corner of her eye.  After yet another hospital stay, she was released again with the hopes that at least her physical health was on the mend.  They are still unsure of a diagnosis of dementia, leaning towards probably not.  We seem to live day by day wondering how she is going to go on.  It is hard.  It is heartbreaking and frustrating, and the hardest part is knowing that there is nothing we can do to give her purpose and a desire to move forward.

I also spent time in Logan, Utah.  Our foot zoning classes were held in Logan for the month of January.  It was a combined class of several of the foot zoning classes and I am grateful for the friends I met there.  One in particular was a real blessing for me just when I needed her the most and I will forever be grateful that Heavenly Father sends tender mercies just when we need them the most.  I learned so much and felt like I was so spiritually fed (which happens at every single zoning class but this one was particularly wonderful after the way the month started). 

My sweet Bummy, Hyrum Craig, turned 11 years old.  Not sure how that happened.  11 years old!!!  He's such a blessing.  He reminds me so much of Tallin.  They have very similar personalities.  My darling two year old has started telling us to 'grow up'... and often can be heard calling someone 'donkey'!  Honestly, we have had too much time watching movies because Shrek and Toy Story 1, 2, 3... wait how many Toy Story's are there?  Because we watch them all, constantly, nonstop, and he knows them word for word.  I should feel bad about the bad mom I am becoming, but snuggling up to him is a good benefit of having no energy right now!   Kassi got to go to Hawaii to spend time with her new fiancé (He proposed the day my dad died, one bright spot in the horrible nightmare!), who is a Marine.  I miss her.  She bounces into a room and brings sunshine in the middle of darkness!  No wedding date yet because he is going to be deployed later in the year.  Tallin is engaged, and Tanner and Jalene decided to move their wedding date up several months and will be married in February.  Thayne is staying busy at work.  Jace is also working as a salesman and they are going to be hiring Chris, who will be Jace's brother in law.  He is engaged to Caitlyn's twin sister.  Babies are all growing so fast.  Life doesn't stop, even if we wanted it to!

While this was only a quick look back, and I missed a bunch of the every day little things that really make up the wonder of our lives, it's proof positive that there are going to be really hard things we have to go through, and if we have faith, and hope, and trust that there is something better in store, we can keep moving forward.  Sometimes we are leaning against each other, sometimes the tears come, and we wonder if they will every dry, and sometimes breathing hurts so bad it feels like we  have been sucker punched.  But we are still standing.  Still believing that in the end, this will all be worth it!