Choices..... changes......

Isn't it interesting how we resist change? I used to be a 'fly by the seat of my pants' kind of girl. Thayne had been out of work for several months and got word that he may have a job in Milwaukee. MAY! Not for sure... he was told he MAY have a job. We had 4 kids, the 5th on his way. 4 kids 3 and under. And we loaded up the truck, a small U-Haul, the car, and off we went. We were somewhere in the middle of nowhere when I freaked out and stopped him. I asked him what we were doing. He told me it just felt right. Yes, it did! So we got back in and drove. We were there 18 months and it was an experience that made our lives better. We learned things we wouldn't have learned otherwise. We grew together. It was fun. We ate out a lot. It was really cheap to eat out with 4 kids under 3... they ate free everywhere we went! :) haha We moved again to Illinois without a care in the world, and then back to Utah. And then we moved to our current home 14 years ago. And here we have been. And now, the opportunity to change is here. And it sounds tempting. I told Thayne if we only had 6 kids we would have been on the road already. It sounds fun. It sounds scary. All of the things you have to think about now. All of the responsibility. As if 5 kids wasn't real responsibility. Add 10 and everything changes!!!! We lived in motel rooms and moved to several states in one year, but here we are now... stuck in a rut, or at least it feels like that right now. What used to feel like home now feels something similar to a ball and chain. But choices are scary. The what if's are very real. Too many things to look at. Grown up stuff that wouldn't have mattered back in the day when we loaded the few things we actually had to our name and left for lands unknown. Is it right? Is it wrong? Wouldn't it be nice if the answers were always so clear, the future always predictable? Or maybe not. We learned so much when we had to just go and do. Maybe it's just that I am a tramp miners daughter, it's in the blood. The thrill of the change, new job, new life, new friends. So I wonder how it is that my husband inherited that same blood. It's not a good thing when both of us have gypsy blood. Although for 14 years I have kept it under control. Now the gypsy in me is coming out again. Mabye I just am in the last 12 days of pregnancy and I want to do something different with my life. The last year has been tough in many ways and maybe the lure of a fresh start is inviting. Who knows.... maybe nothing will change. Maybe everything will change. Maybe I stay right where I am and make changes in my life that I have been feeling I need to for a long time. Maybe not... who knows. Choices.... changes.... life!