We were shutting down the house last night and I stood alone in the living room looking at the stocking and all it represents.
It was finally quiet after a day full of family.
It’s amazing that one personality can add so much,
or leave so empty the space in a home.
The second Christmas wasn’t easier.
In fact in many ways it was harder somehow.
The peace I feel doesn’t take away from the fact that Thayne and I went to a grave
and cleaned off a headstone on Christmas Eve
instead of wrapping his presents.
Sometimes it’s easy to pretend he’s just off on an adventure
like the kids in Oregon or Utah or Idaho.
Sometimes I talk and I can hear him answer.
Angels are real.
They’ve always been real to me.
There have even been times I feel his arms around me.
Yet... he isn’t here.
He won’t walk through the door.
Instead of buying Christmas presents for him,
I made sure we donated some in honor of him.
Today I don’t want to be strong.
Today I want to be sitting on a beach,
with nothing resembling Christmas to make me feel this way.
Today I want to hide away and not feel like I am walking through sludge.
Today my mother’s heart aches for all the loss in this life.
Today I am also grateful for the reason we celebrate.
Because He lived, and died and lives again,
I will be able to wrap my arms around him one day.
1 comment:
Thinking of you at this time.
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