Nathaniel's FEES test and other things that go bump in the night...

This has been a busy week. I'm glad it's Friday... DATE NIGHT!!! :) Tuesday Thayne and I went over to Salt Lake for a wedding. We came home and packed to leave the next day for Salt Lake. Nathaniel's FEES test was Thursday morning. I am not sure how I feel about the results. I could see great improvements. They put a small camera down his nose and we are able to see his throat and then watch him swallow milk with blue food coloring in it. We had prayed, fasted and Nate was given a beautiful Priesthood blessing on Sunday and I guess I just wanted him to be done with all of this. I wanted the tube to be removed and I wanted to be able to nurse my baby. Of course that didn't happen and there are moments I feel like I am spinning down into the depths of depression again. I am sure in many ways I just havae to mourn the loss of having a 'normal' experience with this child. I can't just cuddle him up in the middle of the night and nurse him. I can't pack him around the house with me as I go from room to room. I can't put him in a car seat and run to the store. I WANT to be able to do that. I WANT him to be able to enjoy the comfort of nursing. I want him to swallow normally and not hurt. I want him to be okay. My heart hurts to think how sick he was. How could we not have known? Is it something that I did? Could I have figured it out sooner? But then I have to turn it around and have gratitude that he is alive. That he was spared over and over while we figured it out. He is a true miracle. His is our gift. He has brought so much to our family. I know that in each trial there are so many more gifts. He is a gift to our family. The love the kids and Thayne and I have for him is overwhelming. He has taught his siblings things that he won't ever be able to understand.

But he is healing!!! It was like a night and day difference. The inflamation was gone and the damage was healing. Milk still was able to leak into the airways which puts him at a high risk of aspirating again or getting pnuemonia. So the tube stays. He is weaning off oxygen slowly but surely and did great yesterday off it for many hours. I see the blessings. They are real. He will be whole and he is strong and growing and doing so well. More miracles.

And while we were gone there was an earthquake about 40 miles from here. It shook the house. The kids felt it. The funny thing was that Kailee was in early morning seminary. They were discussing 1 Kings, aboout how the earth quaked, and then fire and then the still small voice. And they were discussing the last days and how the earth would shake... and the earth started shaking!!!! Talk about an object lesson they will never forget!!! :) I would have loved to see the kids' faces! The exact moment they said the earth would shake, and they feel it! Nobody was injured but there was a lot of damage in the little town it happened in . Last night while I was pumping there were some aftershocks and I could feel the bed moving 3 different times. All night Kami kept telling me if the earth shook again she would get in the doorway. She was so funny telling us about it! We really missed out on the excitement. It's not everyday you get to feel the earth shake!