Kassi is legit

Well... 3rd time is the charm.... well, no, it didn't really take her 3 times to take the drivers test. But due to a series of unfortunate events that did, and didn't have anything to do with her, Kassi is finally, at long last a legitimate driver with a real and true driver's license to prove it! Finally... finally I can... um, I mean I will be able to legally send her on errands. She no longer has to sneak to the mailbox to check the mail. Of course tonight she had a million reasons to drive. Well, she really did have to go to the church to decorate for the Young Women in Excellence program that she created as part of her Personal Progress. It was awesome by the way. The theme was Mothers In The Making and it was fantastic! So she got to use her new found skills of a real driver.

After her test we had to go to lunch to celebrate her success!!! Here are Nate and Kassi making a face to send to their dad because we tried to talk him into sneaking away from work to have lunch with us. He respectfully declined so we made faces to send to him. Isn't modern technology wonderful!!! Thumbs up... Kassi DID IT!!! Yay Kassi! Now you can pick kids up from basketball, church, work, friends... well, until you get bored with the wonder of driving!

Yay Kassi... Yay Kassi! Congratulations on your successful drive! And really... who needs the emergency brake, or to be able to parallel park... truthfully, it's much easier to drive around until a big space comes open anyway!!! Yay Kassi!!!

Time with Kimi

It was so nice to be able to spend some time with Kimi.

We cried some, but then we laughed and talked and enjoyed our time together.

I want to be like Kimi when I grow up.

Even in her pain so has so much faith.

She trusts that she will get through this and that

one day soon she will be holding a sweet baby or her own.

She knows that she will grow and learn and become the best she can be

if she gets through his trial with courage and grace.

I hate to see her in pain.

As a parent I wish I could carry it all for her.

But I can't...

So I just continue to love her.

We did a lot of shopping...

shopping can't cure all,

but it can sure make you find reasons to smile. :)

We watched movies and talked,

laughed and joked,

cried a little more

and ate yummy food.

We hit the Olive Garden

and had a piece of yummy pumpkin cheesecake.

Indulgence in junk food was just what the doctor ordered.

I am grateful for Matt.

That he loves Kimi so well

and takes such good care of her.

He is a gift to our family.

I had to leave her before I wanted to

and I cried on my way home

because I know how badly it hurts to lose the baby you have dreamed of.

I know that no matter how long you have known about that baby

you love it, dream for it and feel protective of it.

I know that Kimi has a mother's heart.

And I pray that very soon the desire of her heart is fulfilled.

I love you Kimi!

You are an amazing young woman

and I am so proud to be your mom.

I am praying for you constantly

and

hope that you come through this trial

quickly

and that your heart feels peace.

Love you!!!

If I start crying...

I think if I let the tears start flowing
they may not end.
My sweet daughter is losing her baby.

And right now I am not there to hold her,

and cry with her and tell her it is going to be okay.

Even though I know it isn't going to be okay right now.

That is a pain that just doesn't go away.

And for a long time after she will go on like her heart isn't breaking...

but I will know it is.

This sweet girl,

who has dreamed of this baby

for as long as she can remember.

She joins that club, that nobody ever wants to be part of.

It is still so fresh in my heart...

and now I not only cry for my own baby girl,

but for the baby she wanted

and the baby I wanted...

the grandbaby I wanted to hold,

and spoil and love!

Kimi, I will be there soon...

and we will cry together for the loss of our dream.

And I will pray everyday for understanding...

because our heart never really mends.

And I will pray even harder that you get this dream

very soon.

I love you more than you can know right now.

I hurt for you,

that you have to feel this pain.

And I pray that you let it wash through you,

and grow from it and that you will come through this

even more compassionate, and more understanding

than you are right now.

Unity

Sunday evening our new bishopric presented a youth fireside on unity. It is something that I constantly think about as a family. It is something that we strive for and something that I feel like we should constantly be working towards. It is something that we are supposed to strive for in the Church also. The scriptures teach us, "And he commanded them that there should be no contention one with another, but that they should look forward with one eye, having one faith and one baptism, having their hearts knit together in unity and in love one towards another."

At the fireside one of the speakers talked about the Emperor Penguins. He talked about how the male penguins care for the egg while the mothers are out gathering food. He spoke of how they huddle in masses to keep themselves and the eggs warm and how they take turns moving to the center of the group to warm up and then move back for another to get in the middle to get warm. Without working together as a group they would surely freeze to death... and I have thought about this a lot since. They do not have the 'me' mentality. They aren't worried who is right, or wrong... they just know that they need each other to survive and to fulfill their very basic needs. How important is that example to us? They are driven by instinct to take care of each other. They don't determine that one is not worthy of the warmth and shun them... they just huddle together and take care of one another. I think that if, or maybe especially, WHEN somebody is struggling, they need the warmth that comes from the huddle! Wouldn't that be amazing if we always had the same instinct? I think sometimes we are more like sharks, where we smell blood, or find a weakness in another and then attack. Henry B. Eyring talked about how to be united. He said that we need to be humble. Going back to the penguins, yes, I realize they are penguins...but it seems that there would be no room for pride when they are busy taking care of each other. It's not about who deserves the warmth, or who is better, or right, or wrong. It is about the need that they ALL have to be warm! I think that often we judge falsely, and sometimes we even judge with evil intent, though I don't think that most people do that purposely. I sometimes find myself judging incorrectly... more often than not I find myself with at least a little compassion even in my judgement, but still, it is judging. Understanding that there is likely a reason that they are doing what they are doing. It's a great thing to know that the Savior is the only One qualified to judge us perfectly. He will be able to judge our physical, chemical and emotional make up. Elder Eyring said that more often than not we have a choice in judging. A choice. We get to choose if we are going to judge with a harsh judgement, or assume the best, and even be willing to forgive if we think somebody is doing something wrong. And even more, it is not our place to decide if someone deserves our forgiveness. Elder Eyring said that as we get better and better at forging unity, we will think of a scripture when we are asked our opinion of another person: “And now, my brethren, seeing that ye know the light by which ye may judge, which light is the light of Christ, see that ye do not judge wrongfully; for with that same judgment which ye judge ye shall also be judged." ~See that ye do not judge wrongfully. Isn't it the truth that there are always more than one side to every story, and even when we are certain we are right, we likely do not know everything... and even when we think we do, we still have no right to determine who deserves to be able to be kept warm. Didn't the Savior talk about leaving the ninety and nine to go in search of the one? Why would He leave the 99... well, it's simple. Because they are already in the circle, being kept warm. Taking care of each other. That one is still so important to the Lord. There is safety in numbers... in being united! Every where in the scriptures it talks about the way the Lord 'judged'... even the woman caught in adultery was shown great love and compassion by the Savior. I can't even imagine how amazing it would be if we all did that... if I always judged like that! I think of how many people I know, personally, who would rather stay away from the 'group' because they are left out of the huddle to brave the cold alone. I think that sometimes we all feel alone. We aren't ever really alone, but sometimes it feels like it. I think I want to be more like the Emperor Penguin... I think I want to work hard to pull others into the huddle and keep them warm, to protect them from the bitter cold! I am grateful for the gift I have often been given, to discern how to pull each family member in and keep them warm. I want to be able to take care of those that are hurting and left alone, I want to judge less, and huddle more!!!

I am a miner

As I make my way into the darkness,

I think of my family and what I leave topside.

I am a miner.

A member of an elite group of men that make their living

thousands of feet underground.

If she starts to creak and groan,

if all hell suddenly cuts loose,

Remember this...

Kiss the kids.

I love you and I'll see you

on the other side.

I am the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am a miner.

Best Friends...

A best friend isn't a person who you have to see and talk to everyday, it's a person who will always be there for you no matter what, and feels like family ♥ You best friends know who you are! ♥ Thank you for never standing behind me or in front of me....thank you for standing next to me through all of life's challenges! ♥

Thank you to those who love us enough to walk beside us, lift us and are there no matter what. I am not sure what I would do without you!!! Thank you for not condemning and for with holding judgment because you will assume the best and know that even when we make mistakes we are walking forward the very best we can, just like you are. My dad told me when I was young that true friendships are hard to find and if you have one true friend you are lucky. I am lucky, because I have had more than one true friend in my life... those that stand beside me in the good or the bad. And to them... thank you, thank you. You make the hard stuff easier!

Date night + Wendover = The Bellamy Brothers!

We have been waiting for this concert to get here for a few months. As soon as the tickets went on sale Garrett grabbed us up the tickets to make sure we got to go, since he and Tiffany had gone with us the last time they were in Wendover. Then Garrett changed jobs and couldn't have it off. And sadly for Garrett, this concert was even better than the last one so he missed out. But Thayne and I didn't miss out since we went with Darin and Sue and hit the big buffet and then enjoyed the music for the next 2 hours. Thayne and I love their music and it never fails to remind us of those first dates with the Bellamy Brothers playing on the stereo. They seem to improve with age and we all had a great time tonight. Hanging out with Darin and Sue was really fun too. Glad they were able to go with us! We were actually sitting close enough that my camera would have worked really well but I left it in the car so we were just stuck with Thayne's cell phone camera, which is a little better than mine at least! It was fun to watch them... and fun to watch some of the audience that had far too much to drink stand up and dance to some of their songs. Can't wait to go to the next one... hope it doesn't take 2 years for them to make their way back to Wendover so we can go again!

This guy looked like he was plucked from the middle of a rock concert and brought lots of fun at the concert. He does a great job playing in the youtube song Jalapenos... just lots of fun watching him dance around and play so well.

Safely in Fiji...

Yesterday was the day I have been waiting for, for more than 9 weeks. Tallin was headed to Fiji. He called me for a few minutes after checking in at the airport in Salt Lake. It was SO good to hear his voice. He sounds wonderful. So grown up, mature and so happy and at peace with his life. I loved talking to him, hearing his excitement to be heading out. I asked him if he felt like he was ready and he said that his trainers thought he was so that must mean he is. He said that he feels like there is so much more to learn but that he knows he will learn it in the mission field and that when the new district came in and were asking them questions he realized that maybe he knew more than he thought he did. He then flew to LA where they had to wait several hours to fly to Fiji. It was going to be an 11 to 12 hour flight straight through and he lost a day on the way. He called while he was in Fiji and was able to talk to everyone in the family that was here. He sounds AMAZING!!! He was so excited and ready to get on his way. His one complaint with the MTC was the food... he said he ate some form of eggs every day but otherwise, the rest of the experience was just wonderful. He has made friends that will last him his whole life.

Tonight we got a quick email saying the flight was wonderful and that Fiji is beautiful and they had just had dinner with the mission president and his wife and he was headed out to meet his new companion and get on with serving! I loved listening to him speak the Fijian language. It sounded like it rolled right off his tongue but he thinks he has a ways to go. Monday is his P day so I am looking forward to another email and hearing more about it all. But tonight it made my heart very happy to hear that he is there, safe and happy to be there! Only 22 more fast Sundays before he comes home!!!

Silly boys, dresses are for girls! :) Okay, no really he thinks that them getting to wear sulu's makes him more like he fits in! I love this boy and miss him more than I could even say... but I know that he is right where he is supposed to be and that he will do great things while he is there!

Zone leaders and the Vegas district... he hopes that we get some of them to serve here! He said that he made some amazing friends.

He said, "Don't ask!" So I didn't!!!

Trunk Or Treat

Saturday was our trunk or treat at the church. It was kind of a cold day but the kids were so excited to get out and get some candy! Thayne went to the store and picked out Gabe's monkey outfit. He said he walked all the way around the store with 2 in his hand trying to decide which one was the cutest... he decided that the monkey was PERFECT for him and it was! He was laughing and smiling and clapping as we cheered for how cute he is as a monkey! The kids got a ton of candy... oh too much candy! And now another year is over... whew!

I can't wait to see Jace with babies of his own. He finds so much joy in Gabe. I just can't imagine how wonderful he is going to be with his own baby... I do not understand what the thrill of jumping off the fridge is to these boys but even Gabe is now getting in on the action!

Our sweet little monkey hanging in the tree...

Ready to trunk or treat...

Kalli and Kami and the little girl Kimi was babysitting for the weekend...

Wyatt, who wasn't sure what he wants to be for Halloween... and Willie who is a bum! :)

Will work for food...

Jace didn't want to pose for a picture but Cait has the cutest smile!

Matt and Kimi and the little guy she was babysitting... he slept through the whole thing!

My little monkey... oh I love this little man!

Sweet boy blowing grandma a kiss!!!

Trunk or Treat...

Hey Lorna...

Beth, Bummy, Kassi, Wyatt and Wyatt...

Thayne called these two Reid and Pelosi... nice.........

My talk on Faith...

Elder Robert D. Hales said that believing in the Savior and His mission is so essential that the first principle of the gospel is faith in Jesus Christ. What is faith? The apostle Paul taught that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

I am grateful for the opportunity to talk on faith... FAITH has always been my favorite subject but it seems over the last few years I have had what I thought might be constant trials of my faith and I think that along the way I lost hope. Thankfully we have the scriptures, and the words of our prophets to remind us that without faith, we cannot have hope. The prophet Mormon, himself no stranger to difficult circumstances understood this and taught us this doctrine:

"And again, my beloved brethren, I would speak to you concerning hope... behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ... and this because of your faith in him according to the promise. Wherefore, if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope."

Hope comes from faith in Jesus Christ. He has already overcome the world and has promised that He will wipe away our tears if we will only turn to Him and believe and follow.

I have felt in recent years the way Elder Willford W Andersen described, "Some who at this very moment feel desperate or discouraged may wonder how they can possibly regain hope. If you are one of those, remember that hope comes as a result of faith. If we would build our hope we must build our faith." He said that faith in the Savior requires more than belief. The apostle James taught that even the devils believe and tremble but true faith requires work. the difference between the devils and the faithful members of this Church is not belief, but work. Faith grows by keeping the commandments. We must work at keeping the commandments. From the Bible dictionary we read that miracles do not produce faith but strong faith is developed by obedience to the gospel of Jesus Christ; in other words, faith comes by righteousness.

I realized that I have perfect faith in many areas... but struggle in others. I have had a great yearning lately to evaluate my life and figure out where my strengths AND, or maybe especially, my weaknesses are and develop faith in the areas that I struggle with. Which means I have to be very honest with myself when facing my shortcomings and make goals to increase my obedience which will then increase my faith in those areas. It sometimes feels easy to get caught in the middle of the chaos of the world and I ache to feel the constant peace that comes when you know that you are right with the Lord. There is truth in the words, "Sometimes God calms the storm... Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child." President Monson has warned that if we do not have a deep foundation of faith and a solid testimony of truth, we may have difficulty withstanding the harsh storms and icy winds of adversity which inevitably come to each of us. He said, "Mortality is a period of testing, a time to prove ourselves worthy to return to the presence of our Heavenly Father. In order for us to be tested, we must face challenges and difficulties. These can break us, and the surface of our souls may crack and crumble - that is, if our foundations of faith, our testimonies of truth are not deeply embedded within us."

It takes faith to believe that we are here to be tested. I have always wondered how I could sit down with such great people, like Joseph Smith and others in the Celestial Kingdom if I have not gone through great trials here on earth. How could I hope to inherit that, if I did not earn it here.... that is where faith comes in. Elder Orson F. Whitney said, "No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender, and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God... and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven."

It is THROUGH sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation that we gain the education we came here to acquire. So why then, do we wish those opportunities away? This is where faith comes in... to trust that the Lord knows perfectly what we need to become Celestial. Is it so hard to believe that the Lord loves us so much that He wants to make us like Himself. Yet often we fight against the very thing that will make us His... It takes FAITH to ask Him what He would have us become and then put everything aside and DO IT! The brightest crowns that are worn in heaven have been tried, and smelted and polished and glorified through the furnaces of tribulation. Ask Heavenly Father WHAT we should pray for, and then get up with faith and DO it! I realized as I studied for this talk how grateful I am for the opportunities I have been given to build, and then use my faith. I remember as a young mom, facing the very real chance that I would lose my first daughter. I remember those first few hours almost demanding that the Lord heal her. And then, as I sat alone with her, waiting for life flight to come... my heart begin to soften and I began to ask the Lord what HIS will was. What did He have in store for the beautiful daughter that I had wished for so desperately. And then I knew that His desire for her was the return to Him... however I did not know if that meant right away, or if that meant many years from now. But I did know that I wanted the same thing. And so I trusted Him to do right by her. I told him that in my heart I wanted her to be healed, but that I believed in Him, and I knew that whatever happened it would be okay. And then I said the words that have become such an important part of my life... "Thy will be done." I can honestly tell you that medically it seemed impossible for her to live. But I felt absolute peace... the miracle came, but not until I had exercised my faith. Her heart was somehow, miraculously changed in that life flight trip from Price to Salt Lake. The doctors wanted to know why they had sent a 'healthy' baby. The very next year, as I again stood waiting for life flight to come for yet another baby, I thought to the blessing I had received while in labor that seemed to warn me of what was to come.... "by your faith this child will live or die." It hit home again that just a small amount of faith can move mountains. By my faith. And so, during the priesthood blessing, as I wondered what the future held, I remembered the promise... by MY faith. And I knew that I had been letting fear control me... faith and fear can NOT coexist. If you have fear you cannot have faith, and if you have perfect faith, then fear flees. And I told the Lord that if I had the choice, if it was not time for this son to be taken then I KNEW that He would heal him. I KNEW that he would live. And as soon as I exercised that faith, he was told in the blessing that his spirit would take hold of and reunite with his body. However faith in the Lord's plans doesn't always mean that they will turn out the way we want. Sometimes the answer is no. Sometimes no matter how much we want it to be another way, we have to say goodbye. That is when we must remember that no experience will be wasted if we endure it well. The miracle is that in the moments when our prayers are answered with a no is that we can still feel peace and understand that having faith in God includes having faith in His timing!

I am not sure that I have ever told Jace how his example of faith taught me... Every month after Nate got out of the hospital we would fast and pray that he would be healed enough to have the feeding tube removed. I was honored again and again to see great men stand in a circle and with their faith bless him to be healed. Each month he improved bit by bit. But Jace decided that HE was going to give Nate the blessing this time and that Nate was GOING to be healed. I had witnessed his great love with his baby brother over and over but that day I witnessed great faith when he blessed him that the doctors would be impressed with his healing and that he would be able to eat normally and have the tube removed. He KNEW that it would happen. His faith was enough. The doctors spoke to me, the very words that Jace had spoke through he power of the priesthood in his blessing and they told us to start working on feeding him... warning that it could take a while. But Jace knew. He had faith and he told me to feed him, that he would eat, and do fine. Within 24 hours of the test Nate was no longer needing to be fed through the tube and was able to eat through a bottle.

I have learned that sometimes it takes faith to get through the 'thorn in the flesh' that we suffer through in mortality. I struggle with clinical depression and there have been times when I thought that my faith should be enough to move beyond it. I had gone through a very dark time, struggling constantly with depression that felt like it had engulfed me and would surely drown me in it. I was frustrated, and I was scared and I asked for another priesthood blessing... this time KNOWING that it would be the one to remove the depression from me... I had faith. I KNOW that the priesthood is the power of God and I knew that miracles happened. At 3am I got up with Thayne before work and he gave me the most beautiful blessing from my Heavenly Father... I felt His love, I felt His arms around me, and I felt the light that comes from Him. And then, as Thayne left for work and I sat alone in the living room the darkness descended again, and because I had just been in such light, it felt darker and scarier than it had been before the blessing. And I prayed... I asked Heavenly Father what was wrong with me... what was I doing wrong, what was my faith lacking. And then the answer came. It came as a still, small voice that told me simply that it was not my faith that was lacking... that sometimes enduring to the end simply meant that I had made it through that day, and THAT was enough for the Lord. Sometimes it means that the trial will be taken from us. But other times it means that the Lord will give us peace as we walk through our trials. He wants us to KNOW, to have faith that even in our weakness He is there. In 2nd Corinthians 12: 9 it tells us, "My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in y infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." When we are weak, but rely on the Lord in faith, we are made strong. What more could we want than that? Sometimes, when the struggle goes on too long I think of this poem,

Pain stayed so long, I said to him today
"I will not have you with me any more,"
I stamped my foot and said, "Be on your way,"
And paused there, startled at the look he wore.
"I, who have been your friend," he said to me;
"I, who have been your teacher - all you know
of understanding, love, of sympathy
And patience I have taught you. Shall I go?"

I recently went to Time Out for Women where one of the presenters spoke of the scripture "Men are that they might have joy." She said she was always looking past the mark... that she would find joy when this happened, or when that trial was past... and then she realized that THIS life is where we should have joy. It doesn't matter what is going on... if we have the faith to believe that EVERYTHING that happens shall be for our good, then we can find joy in the journey, no matter what pains we are asked to walk through.

As I waited on the plane when Nate was being life flighted, I realized that I had learned to have faith in the power of the priesthood and that over and over in my life I have seen the miracles that come by having faith. But Heavenly Father loves me so much that He uses those moments to continue teaching... I sat on the plane that freezing cold night and realized the Faith it took for our Heavenly Father to send His Son down to atone for us. I felt for a moment the way that He surely must have felt as He watched His perfect Son suffer for me. I felt gratitude in the knowledge that no matter what way it turned out, I had not just one, but TWO people that KNEW what I felt... my Heavenly Father had again wrapped His arms around me and let me know that He knew what I was feeling. And the Savior, too, knew perfectly well my pain, my uncertainty. I felt safe in my knowledge that my faith was enough to get me through. I knew that my faith could move mountains when the need arose, but I also learned that more than anything else, I needed to have faith to ASK first what He would have me pray for, and then get up and DO it, no matter how hard. Then my faith is perfectly in line with His will.

As we learn faith, we can absolute hope that the Savior will carry us through anything. Helaman 5:12 tells us to remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.

If we have faith in Jesus Christ, we cannot fail. We can overcome our weaknesses and become strong... we can be who the Lord would have us be and accomplish great things for Him.