In all living, have much fun and laughter.

I have thought about writing about the birth of our sweet Noah Grant for days now.
The first problem with sitting down and writing is in the actual sitting.
I have had severe swelling in my legs and feet and sitting has been painful,
making the swelling so much worse.
The other part is that I can barely think about his birth without getting choked up.
I have experienced every emotion with his birth...
I have felt absolute fear and absolute faith within seconds of each other.
I feel gratitude to my Heavenly Father with such force that I feel my heart will burst at times.
I do not have words to express the gratitude...
I do not have the ability to contain the joy I feel in having this child.
Almost 3 years ago in a Priesthood blessing I was promised that I would carry another child to term and that child would bring absolute joy to our family.
In that blessing it also said that we would go through loss before the blessing came but if we had faith we would see this blessing fulfilled.

Friday night we went to Salt Lake so we wouldn't have to get up so early and drive over Saturday morning. We had dinner with Jace, Caitlyn, Tiffany, Garrett and Gabe Friday night.
We were supposed to be at the hospital at 9:30am on Saturday.
We were walking through the doors of the women's center at exactly 9:30am when my phone rang and the nurse told me that they had some emergencies come up and I didn't need to be there until 10:30. GREAT!!! Nothing like delays to make your nerves go even more crazy!
We headed to the store to kill some time and to rub in the fact that I am starving and wishing I could eat something... anything!
It was also Thayne's birthday so we spent time finding him some new shoes and finally, finally it was time to go back to the hospital.
It was really bittersweet... I knew that I could quite possibly be having my last baby and the days had flown by way too fast... this pregnancy, that had been prayed for and hoped for constantly was now coming to an end, and while I couldn't wait to hold him in my arms, I also wasn't ready to end this very amazing time when he was only mine...

We got checked right into my room where I would be prepared for surgery, and then spend my recovery time also. The nurse was nice and we talked a lot through the preparations.
I admit that it is funny when the nurses leave the past info blank because they think that there is a mess up in the number of c-sections...
As we were about to get ready to head to the operating room, they called to say that there had been yet another emergency c-section and that my time was pushed back by yet another hour.
I was getting extremely nervous by now. It is ironic that my doctor said we could have him on Saturday because the hospital would be less of a zoo that day... instead it was one of the craziest days they could remember in a long time. They had several emergency c-section, and the full moon wasn't until Thursday!

Finally they got the call that the operating room was open and to get me down there RIGHT NOW! They wanted to get me in before the two twin deliveries needed to be delivered. It was almost comical as they rushed me down the hall and into the operating room before Thayne could even get dressed in his pretty white outfit they gave him.
The anesthesiologist was telling me how he has 6 kids and for the first time he felt like he could actually say he 'only' has 6 kids.
My doctor came in ready to get things going but I told her I lost Thayne. She is such a funny lady! She assured me she would go find him and sure enough, she brought him into the room herself! And then they scrubbed and were ready to go!
I had barely got into the operating room at just before 1pm.

She starts the surgery and almost immediately tells me she can't believe how big he looks for a 36 weeker. I asked her what in the world she was talking about since she just barely started the surgery and then I felt the familiar tugs and pulls and before I know it she has him hanging over the drape to show me my newest little man!
1:04pm
Could it have truly been so easy?
I was hoping!!!
I was thinking about the Priesthood blessing Thayne and Jace had given me Thursday night that told me that I needed to have faith and trust that the Lord would see me through this. It promised me and the baby many great things, but it said more than once that I needed to trust in Him, and have faith that He would carry me through this surgery.
And sadly I felt that things wouldn't go as easy as I had hoped in the beginning.

As soon as he was born he was handed off to the NICU nurses who are now required to attend all of the c-sections. I listened closely to him crying and praying that he would get all of the gunk out of his lungs without aspirating. I knew it was a lot to ask, but I was hoping!
I heard him gasp and knew that it had happened... he was now grunting and needing extra help to clear out his lungs.

When that happened with Nate, Thayne went right with him to NICU. But when the time came for him to go with Noah, we had other things to worry about and he told the nurses he would be there the second they got me taken care of.

During the time Noah was over getting cleaned up, I was listening to him, but also listening to my doctor and her partner talking. I was trying to will a simple c-section like the last one had been. He came out head down and they only had to make a horizontal incision down low.
Unfortunately there was the horrible scar at the top of my uterus that the 'butcher' had made. She had tried to fix it before but mostly left it alone since there was a vein that went through it. But for some reason that part of the old scar came open and I started bleeding... a lot!
It is a scary thing to hear your doctor asking for something, only to be told that they didn't have it in the operating room... but they could get it. It would just take about 15 minutes. To which my doctor replied that we do not have 15 minutes... we have a couple of minutes and that is all. I hear that I am bleeding out and now am wondering what exactly this day is going to hold. That is when the fear came in... absolute fear. I knew that we were pushing it by waiting those extra 3 days from when they wanted to deliver. But I also knew that I had to do everything in my power to make sure my sweet baby had the best chance for his lungs to be ready!

I have never seen my doctor get anxious... or upset. She was anxious and I could tell in her voice that she was upset. Even worse, I was now starting to panic because I could feel my right side, was able to move my feet and felt like they were sucker punching me over and over as they worked on my uterus. I could also see what was going on in the lights above me and I did not like what I was seeing. I tried to tell the anesthesiologist that I could feel it... but the funny thing was that he and the nurse were looking at dogs on the computer... dogs from the pound! At one point I asked the nurse how 'he' was... meaning Noah. She said, "Oh, he is shy but he is fine." WHAT??? Who is shy??? I asked her who was shy and she said, "Oh, I thought you were talking about my dog." Which is funny since anyone that knows me knows that I am not an animal person... but really, during a now scary delivery I am asking about her dog? No, I think not! But thank you!!! All the while my doctor is now stuffing my uterus back inside... only to say that the bleeding hadn't stopped and pulling it out again to go back to work on it.

I can now feel my right side...
I am scared, and Thayne is scared. He asked me what he could do, and I told him I really needed a blessing. I love this man more than life itself and am so grateful for him and all he is to our family. He leaned over me, we were alone at the head of the table, and put his hands on my head and while his eyes were closed I KNEW that he was calling down the powers of heaven.

I did not hear the words he said, but I felt the peace flow over my body and he opened his eyes and told me to relax. I asked him if it was going to be okay. He smiled and told me to relax and that everything would be okay.
The words had literally barely left his mouth when my doctor said that it was holding.
She then leans over the drape and informs me that this c-section was hard!
As soon as she said that I sent Thayne off to grab Jace and Caitlyn and get in to see my baby!!!
For the record, I could feel my legs well enough to help move myself from the operating table to the bed they would take me to recovery in..My doctor helped wheel me back to my room and was talking like nothing at all out of the ordinary had happened in the operating room.
I was back in the recovery room. Jace and Cait came in to see me and had taken pictures of Noah for me and we talked and laughed and at exactly the hour mark from when I got into recovery, 3pm, they were taking me up to my room.
We made a quick stop in the NICU so I could see my little man...
I was so grateful to see him!
And then I got settled into my room. The nurses were amazing there. They made a huge deal out of the fact that I had just had my 11th c-section and treated me like some kind of super star or something. I told them I wanted to get the IV and cath out the second I could. They told me as soon as I could feel my legs and start moving a bit they would bring me something to eat and get me out of bed. At 4pm I stood up for the first time and we walked to the bathroom to get cleaned up. They brought me jello and grape juice and broth and water, and Sprite! I ate and drank it all and wanted more. Jace and Cait brought me sweet potato fries and a chocolate milk shake and the nurses laughed that I was smuggling food into the hospital...
At the 12 hour mark they removed the IV and cath and we were up and down constantly to the NICU to see our sweet Noah.

Noah was on oxygen, and then put on cpap for several hours, but was completely off of oxygen by Sunday late evening. This is where it gets extremely frustrating. They started finding a million reasons to keep him. But in the end, the reason they had him was to monitor his glucose. Seriously... his glucose levels! They didn't have me feed him, they put him on a nutritional supplement through the IV and then constantly poked him... in one day alone they had put in 4 different iv's because they kept blowing... JUST IN CASE he might need them. By Tuesday, when we should have been on our way home, I was just sick at what they were doing to him. I was pumping and demanded that we start feeding him. They told me when he started eating more they would turn the supplement off, but that really as long as the supplement was on, he wouldn't need to eat much. By Tuesday afternoon I had talked to my doctor and to several nurses who told me exactly when the concern for glucose became an issue. Which made me even more determined to get him out of there!!! I didn't really even know who was in charge of my baby or what the plan was. One nurse told Thayne he should be in our room by Tuesday at 9pm. So when the next nurse said she had no word that this was going to happen, and that they would even likely want to see his feeding pattern developed for 48 hours, I told her she needed to get the doctor because I had something to say about it! They had even talked about all of the 'classes' we would need before he could be released. I didn't know if I was more mad, or just disgusted that they were holding him hostage. I needed my baby and he needed me... It was a fire, consuming me... that gut feeling I have had in the past when it comes to my kids, and this time it was telling me to get him OUT of there! So we explained to the doctor that our son would be in our room that night, that I would be working with him to learn to eat and that the iv's and meds would be stopped!!! They had ruled out any infection... none at all. They had talked about doing antibiotics for 7 days regardless of the test results... which we told them was crazy, and they did decide to stop them at 3 days. The doctor kept giving me reasons why he should just stay where he was. I gave her a million more reasons why he should NOT be in NICU where sick babies were. She told me that he had been sick, and had used energy to heal. I told her he was healed and that them poking him and inserting new iv's several times a day likely used much more energy than clearing out his lungs...
She FINALLY said, reluctantly I might add, that she would make some calls but wanted me to know that even if he went up to the nursery on maternity ward they would likely keep him . She told me they would cut in half, and then stop the nutritional supplements but not to expect his glucose to stay up. I think by then we had won over the nurses and they were all on our side. The pediatrician on call said she would be more than glad to have him moved up and if it made the mom and baby happy all the better! The NICU doctor wasn't happy about that but after they turned it all off, after he passed the car seat test, after he passed with flying colors the glucose test... the nurse was giddy bringing him to me! She practically danced into the room to tell me that he passed. And told me he needed to eat. So, at 1am on Wednesday, the 13th of July, that little boy was wide awake and finally in my arms. He opened his eyes and looked at his dad and me like he had known us forever and had just been waiting to have us hold him.

I was worried that they would come and get him, but my nurse told me they would get him at 3am to check his glucose again... so we cuddled up and slept a bit and I enjoyed the heaven I felt by holding my baby boy. At 4am they came in to get him for the test and I figured I would probably have to do without holding him for the rest of the night/morning. I was wrong. They brought him back, said his glucose was perfect and they would see me when the pediatrician came on to check him out and sign his release! That was it... after the huge fight... nobody EXCEPT that NICU doctor thought he was sick at all!!!
We were headed home by noon that day!!! With a perfect, healthy little boy!

Noah weighed 7lbs 1oz and was 19 1/2 inches long.

Not too bad for a baby born a month early!

My oldest son, and my youngest son...
What a beautiful sight!
To know that in no time at all those hands will be the same size!

It was hard to see him like this... but I know that we did everything humanly possible to give him the best start in life. He didn't need this very long and quickly was breathing on his own without so much as a dip in his oxygen levels after he was off.

THIS is the most joyous picture ever to me. This is when they finally brought him to my room with no tubes or wires and no iv's in his head, hand or foot. I cried when I saw this beautiful little man sleeping so soundly!

And as soon as he heard my voice his eyes opened, he looked around and then we made eye contact and I knew that he was meant to be part of our family. All of the losses, all of the pain and fear were worth it to have him in our lives!