Moments that change us...

I always loved being in Utah on the 24th of July....
It was such a celebration and so much fun.
And I found it ironic that 4 years ago I WAS in Utah on the 24th...
Except the only thing I could see was the roof of the hospital,
Where Nathaniel was fighting for his life.

That experience was one of those moments that changed me.
Changed our whole family.
I would like to say it changed me only for the good.
In many ways the change was good....
I saw the power of prayer literally... LITERALLY save him!
I cannot discount that Heavenly Father carried me in the darkest hours,
While we were waiting to see which direction he would go...
And it could have gone either way.
The doctors didn't really hold out hope that he would survive.
I cannot forget listening through a fog as the doctors and nurses talked to each other
after we made the life flight trip to Primary Children's.
I had come alone this time...
Thayne drove.
And it seemed to take forever, because of road construction...
I ached to have him by my side, to hold me up, and to tell me all of the horrible things
I was hearing, could not possibly be true.
He would not die...
He was not septic...
Why did they not listen to me every time I took him to the doctor???
Begging for them to give him an antibiotic.
Babies his age do not get strep.
Except MY babies do!!!  HE did!!!

Every single moment of the day was filled with medical information.
Words I had never heard before now became part of the conversation.
Prayers said every moment...
It seemed to change with the tick of the clock...
Can we will someone to live?

I don't know... I guess sometimes we can, but we always, always have to ask the will of the Father.
So each prayer ended in "Thy will be done."  With the hope that no matter what,
I would accept His will.

Too many times we came too close to losing him.
Once, they overdosed him on morphine...
Only they just told us that he was in respiratory failure and to not plan on him surviving.

His lungs were so full...
His body so sick.
Yet I saw prayers of friends bring miracles.
A friend prayed that he would smile for me...
And after 8 days... that smile came!

I was grateful for the nurse who would not let up on the doctor about the blood transfusion.
She knew it would work... had seen it work before.
And she finally won!!
And he turned the corner.

I sometimes feel broken still...
Sometimes I feel like despite the miracles, I AM still broken.
I know I don't have to feel that way...
But what happens if I let go???  Just give it to God and let him heal my soul,

the way He healed Nate's body.

I know He can.
I know He will.
He is just waiting for me to ask, the same way we asked Him to heal our sweet boy!

Recently we went to dinner with a man Thayne knows through work.
He and his wife asked about our family.
Thayne told them about Nate.
That he was a gift, sent to heal us...that the Lord used him in many ways,
for many reasons, and for many people.
It hit me that those moments with Nate were life changing...
That I WANT to let go of the fact that I couldn't save him,
But his Heavenly Father did!
It was His will that he came through it, and I need to let go of the fear that came.

I need to remember the gratitude of leaving that hospital.

It took months to heal completely...
But we saw the miracle happen!!! 
It continues to happen.
We weren't alone...we never were, and we never have to be.
For that... I will be eternally grateful!!!

Grandma time!

Sooooo... not sure if I mentioned that I ran off with Kami and Kalli and went to be 'grandma' aka babysitter for this precious little (or not so little as the case may be) man while his mom and dad ran away for their anniversary.  Got to spend the weekend getting to know him better, and making sure he doesn't forget that... "Grandma's the BEST!!!"

I admit I was a little worried... I mean, not really worried because let's face it, I have been doing the baby thing for a year or two (or 25) of my life, but I am a grandma now... could I be up at night with baby boy? Would I know what to do to make him happy???  Oh yeah, never mind, I still have a baby!  I've got this!  Though Noah does usually sleep all night, and Kimi told me that Jared doesn't always... But I felt I was up to the task though, so off we went to take on this challenge!

When we got there, Jared was all smiles.  As soon as I picked him up, he was perfectly content to let grandma tell him how wonderful he is... and when his mom and dad left, he didn't even give them a second thought... because all eyes were on him and he had two aunts who were treating him like he was a super star or something! He mostly just wanted grandma though... we bonded, and he was attached!

It went fabulous!  Bedtime came.  I wasn't worried... we could do this.  The girls fell asleep watching tv and Jared and I had a chance to tell each other stories and it seemed we had some mutual admiration going on!  He fell asleep in my arms and I kissed him good night... told him I loved him and I would see him in the morning and tucked him into bed.... And he slept the ENTIRE night!  In fact it was after 8am when I heard him start talking to himself and he continued to sound content for probably a half an hour or more after... and then I just couldn't stand it and went to get him and his eyes just lit up!  I kissed his sweet, chubby little cheeks and told him that grandma was still here!  He laughed and laughed!  I sat him down and he would turn to look at me, like he was making sure I was still there.   I told him, "Yep, it's still grandma!" and he would give me these big smiles!  Oh I love this boy!!!

 We had a great time together... we did things like... eat baby cereal with fruit in it... and he couldn't get enough, or get it fast enough!  This is a boy who loves his food... and wants it as quickly as you can get it into his mouth.  In fact he kept grabbing my hand trying to help me.  I let him know I have had a lot of practice so he could just simmer down and let me handle the spoon!  He appreciated my great skills and expertise in the matter and quickly let me handle the situation! 

And then we played with his toys.... and read a few books, and sang some songs that as a grandma I feel obligated to sing... because that is what my grandma did for me!

And I love the picture below... he had just woke up from a nap and the girls sat him up by the toys... I was sitting on the couch behind him and asked him if he had a good nap and he turned around so surprised that I was still there.  After he realized I was still around, he got a huge smile on his face and then went back to playing... but every few minutes he turned around to make sure I was still there!

We also played outside... he really does love his swing... but the wind was blowing like CRAZY the whole time we were there so we only got to play out a little bit, or risk being blown away!

We splashed and played in the kitchen sink... any excuse for a bath, he was perfectly content to splash at grandma and Kalli! 

And he enjoyed going to church with Aunt Kami and Aunt Kalli... he admits that it is much more fun to hang out with his aunts at church.  They kind of think he can do no wrong! 

 

He was NOT impressed that his mom came home and puts her fingers in his mouth... nope, not impressed at all!  He paid her back though... he bit her with his two bottom teeth that had NOT been there when she left!  Yes, she left town, left him in the care of his grandma, and comes home to find he had smiled the entire time, slept through the night and got TWO teeth in... that will teach her!!!   She was so excited that she just kept squealing and touching his teeth.  He mostly looked at me like he was begging me to save him from the crazy lady!!! 

When his mommy and daddy came home, he looked up and wasn't so sure that he was even happy about it.  He glanced at them and decided that if they were home his fun must be ending with his grandma and he was in no way excited for that... you can see that just by the look on his face!!!

I told him not to worry... I still had another day to stay with him and hang out and that we would definitely make sure that we took times like this to 'bond' so that he would never forget that grandma is the best and that he always has a friend in me!!!

Once he heard that, he quickly looked away from his parents and back at grandma and gave me his famous, happy face with his cute, cute little (big) grin... and we went back to playing and enjoying each other's company!  I love this little boy and do not like that he lives so far away from me!  I was thinking how fun it will be to have him come to our house as he gets older, or to be able to go there and 'grandma-sit' him once in a while.  I don't want him to ever, for not even a moment doubt that I would move heaven and earth to be there for him.  He is so happy, so fun and such a beautiful baby boy!!!  And as I left, and he watched me leaving like he couldn't believe I was actually walking out the door without him... I kind of felt like crying!! I miss him already! 

Some Sundays...

Some Sunday afternoons,
When the kids are supposed to be cleaning the kitchen together...
They do things like this instead...

And because cleaning the kitchen is so much less desirable than a fun family walk
We just leave it for later and go to the marina!
Where we feed ducks bread...

And Garrett tries to feed the ducks his baby brother!!! ;)
However Noah was having nothing to do with that...
He is quite insistant that he stays as FAR away from them as he can!

The big kids play a wild game of kick ball,
and once Nate has run the bases a few times,
He hangs out with his brother and nephew,
And shows us how high he can jump!
While I take pictures, and email our missionary!

And we head home as the sun goes down...
Much happier that we went for a walk instead of doing dishes...
Because look how beautiful the sky is while the sun goes down!

And then,

The next Sunday...
We start all over again!!!!

The Kiddie Parade

The kids always look forward to the 'kid parade' in Delta...
Although it really isn't that exciting.
It's just an excuse to race down mainstreet to the park to get a popcycle...
But you know, that's a fun thing to do when you are a kid ~
Or a kid at heart!!!
Which is really all that matters!  Right???!!!

Hayden!

Wyatt!

And Wyatt again!

There is just something special between brothers!
Willie and Noah

And the cousins...

Kimi and Matt (that's the 'kid at heart' part!)

 And here come the girls...
With Isaac and Gabe and Tiffany of course!

I LOVE this picture of Hyrum, Nate and Ella...
My sweet Hyrum is so tender hearted and so good to his baby brother
and seeing him walk with his brother and cousin is so sweet!

Willie and Noah... again~

My favorite boys... Jared
and...

Isaac and Gabe!
Best grand babies a grandma could every have!
And I loved that I got to share the 4th of July with them!

Hard to believe a  year ago I was ready to have this little man...
WOW!
I love watching him grow up but I sure wish it would slow down!

He really does NOT like the feel of the grass!
He's a little OCD about textures like his brother was!

 Kimi and Matt used the babies as an excuse to play in the stream!
I told them how good they would have been with twins!
I love that the older kids, even with kids of their own, are so good to their baby brothers!

Love this little man's eyes!!!