Lunch with my sister

I love to go to lunch with my sister! Life is busy, very busy for both of us and it's a treat to be able to get away and hang out with her. There are some things that you just can't talk about to anybody else, that only a sister understands. So we had lunch, got to laugh and talk and hang out for a while.... then back to real life! Hopefully we will get to do it again very soon!

Something to blog about #2

We were talking about blogging and the kids started showing off and teasing about blogging about how amazing I think they are! And since I do think they are amazing, and fun, and cute, and wonderful... I told them I would blog about them! This was Tallin's way of getting out of cleaning. He had pulled all of the chairs to the middle of the room and while he HAD the broom in his hand, he didn't do much with it and somehow managed to get out the door to work without actually cleaning anything! Smart boy that one!!! I love, love.... LOVE watching my kids interact with each other. I love to watch them love each other, and be silly with each other. I feel very honored to be the mom of all of these truly incredible children!

School and sledding?

I'm just wondering who thought sledding at school would ever be a good idea? Really? No, seriously, put 500 kids on a sled hill and think that it will be fun? My kids sled all of the time.. in fact it is 7:44pm, pitch black outside and somewhere around the freezing mark, and they are out sledding down our hill. It's a steep hill too, but they love it! Last night they were talking about how the school is going to let them sled. My gut instinct was OH NO YOU WILL NOT! But I didn't want to be a mother that over-reacts to things like that! But I had this moment of fear thinking it was not going to be a good thing for at least one of my children!

It should be no surprise when today the school nurse called and asked if I would pick up Wyatt when I picked up Hyrum from kindergarten. It would seem that while he was sledding, a friend of his jumped on his sled, on top of him, and it slammed his head into the ground of course meeting a rock that made a big long scratch along his head (it could have been sooooooooo much worse, just counting my lucky stars!). He was dizzy and nauseated and crying. I told the nurse I had a feeling last night that it wasn't such a good idea to let kids sled at school. She asked me to please tell the principal that because she has the same gut feeling that I had!

Something to blog about #1

My kids have become obsessed with my blogging and often I will hear them taking pictures and saying that "this is something mom can blog about" and it makes me laugh!

Nate was trying to help load the dishwasher, and clean the fridge. The girls kept taking pictures to blog about...

I guess the only thing to say about these pictures are to tell Nate that he is NOT helpful. I know he thinks he is. I know he likes to be in the middle of everything... but really, he is not helping!!! However the fridge was a disaster... the kids had spilled red kool-aid in the bottom and everything had been thrown in from the holiday and Kailee cleaning it so well WAS helpful, taking everything out and washing and putting it back in the ways it was supposed to be... was VERY helpful, but I don't have any pictures of her doing that!

And this is what we got when we told him he WASN'T very helpful!

Pour some sugar....

Last night we got home from Salt Lake and walked into a clean house with the smell of brownies still lingering. The kids were downstairs and the baby was asleep. They were wrestling, laughing and teasing. We yelled down at them that we were home but no response. Thayne yelled down again but they just kept laughing and playing and I told him they didn't even know we were home. We spent several minutes laughing and listening to them carry on downstairs and they were really having a great time. I finally peaked over the stairs where Kailee and Hyrum were thumb wrestling. Kailee yelled that her thumb didn't bend that way and leaned her head back laughing when she saw me leaning over the edge. She let out a scream that had Thayne and me laughing so hard! I scared her good! Told her she never knows who is watching and to beware of her actions!

But the secrets are slowly coming out about the day while we were away! My kids are serious 80's music freaks! Don't know where they got it, but you can put just about any song from the 'classic rock' (really... WHEN did that happen? Classic rock? Hardly!) and they can sing right along! Def Leppard seems to be the music of choice lately and Kailee goes around singing Pour Some Sugar On Me. Hmmmmm... And then I hear from a little birdie (thank you Bummy!) that Kailee was singing this song while she threw spoonfuls of sugar at Kimi!!!!

I have to say that since there was no sugar left on the floor or on the furniture, I can almost convince myself that it didn't happen! It's just better that way!!! Pick your battles and ignore the rest... it really does work better that way!

10 Sons....???

I was asked a question recently that has been on my mind constantly since she asked. For some reason the last couple of days have been really hard thinking about the baby that I lost and missing 'him' and thinking about where I would be in the pregnancy right now. I was signed up for a 'pregnancy update' that came weekly and as we left the temple yesterday I got an email update telling me about my baby at 16 weeks. I unsubscribed, but it still comes. I had been so excited thinking about having the big ultrasound in January.... now there won't be one.

But back to the question. A woman asked me how many boys I have. The immediate response, without thinking was 10. 10 came out of my mouth before I could stop it. I didn't even realize I said it, I just knew it, in my heart of hearts that I have 10 sons! And then I wanted to cry. And have wanted to cry since... I try to keep smiling, act like it doesn't matter, act like I didn't go through this and that it doesn't hurt my heart every minute of the day. But it does matter. I did go through it, and my heart DOES hurt every minute of the day. Yet nobody really remembers. Thayne knows when I am sad... but still I feel alone as I mourn for the son that I will never know, never hold in my arms, never watch do silly, crazy things that all of his siblings do. I will never really know who he would have been.... and it hurts. It hurts so bad I can barely breathe today. I didn't get to see him, or hold him. But I feel him... Rationally I know that there was nothing I could do to change the events that took him from us. But a mother's heart aches, feeling like I let him down. He depended on me, and I couldn't save him. He needed me for everything, and I let him down. It's not right, it doesn't even really make sense. But it is how I feel when I think of him.

I guess one day all of our questions will be answered. It's the waiting. Like Katie said last night coming home from the temple... it's the Lord's timing, and His timing can be frustrating! I am trying to have faith and understand... I am really trying.

The Temple...

What an absolutely amazing day! Tiffany was going to the temple for the first time today so we got up early and headed to Bountiful, Utah! As a mom it is the greatest experience to see your children in the temple with you. But today it hit home that in less than two weeks Garrett will be getting married. It was a beautiful day, the sky was clear and it was just amazing to be there! But what a special day to share with my son and daughter to be. Tiffany was grinning from ear to ear and I love that she is so happy and in love with my son! May they always be so happy!

This is the beautiful temple we went to, and the snow and ice and sunshine made everything look so wonderful today!

Seven Pounds

Warning... if you haven't seen the movie and are planning on seeing it... you might want to skip this.... maybe not, but you might! I always cheat and read the end of the book first in order to get me through all of the stresses in the middle of the book... if I know how it turns out, I can handle the drama in between. I know... strange! But I always peaked at Christmas early too and was happier on Christmas day than I am when I have to deal with the suspense!

After rave reviews of the movie Seven Pounds with Will Smith... Thayne and I decided to go! First Jace and Caitlyn tell us that you HAVE to see the very beginning or you will be confused to the end, because Caitlyn's sister missed the first part and that was what she told them. My sister told me that she figured it out from the very beginning (but didn't tell me anything!). I heard it was good.... and technically it was good.... but I too figured out the plot at the very beginning and kept telling myself that surely it wouldn't end that way! SURELY it wouldn't! Certainly they would not make a story glorifying suicide. Maybe the people that wrote it have never had their lives touched by suicide. I don't know... but I have seen the effects of suicide more times than I care to count in my life and I wouldn't care if you did all kinds of noble and kind deeds before the final 'deed', it still doesn't wipe out the fact that in the end, they took their own life! Nope... wouldn't even want the heart of somebody that took their own life to give it to me... ESPECIALLY a person that I loved!

In the end... yep! That is exactly what the movie did. Glorified suicide!! And I must be the only person living in America that did NOT like it... but I have to say that I am just glad that I only went to the early movie so we only blew $11 getting in (for 2 of us), because it did not give me warm fuzzy feelings, it did not leave me glad that I went (except for the yummy popcorn and Hot Tamales, THAT always makes me happy and I just had to concentrate on that!), it just made me mad that once again I wasted money on something that depressed me! I guess I could look for the positive and say that we can all look beyond ourselves and find ways to help other people. But honestly, I try to do that anyway, so I don't need a movie to show me that. And another positive was 2 hours sitting next to my husband with nobody asking anything of me, but I go to movies to be entertained, to shut my mind off and feel HAPPY at the end.

The whole thing was just sad! A real bummer!

Twas the morning of New Years Day...

And all through the house, everyone was sleeping, quiet as a mouse.... Except Nate....

He even stayed up late partying with the kids, but NOPE, 5 something AM he was awake. I didn't go to sleep until after 2:30am so I tried to ignore him. Surely he would just go back to sleep. Surely I was wrong! I got him a bottle and he was happy and content... for about 10 minutes! Now he is demanding to be picked up. Standing in the crib jumping up and down yelling at me! Got it, you need out, a diaper change, something to eat... now PLEASE go back to sleep! We both start dozing off when the blasted phone rings!!! At 6:30 am on New Year's Day! WHY is somebody from the mine calling the house phone at 6:30am on New Year's Day??? Even better question... WHY aren't they calling Thayne's cell phone???? I missed the phone before it stopped ringing and they never did call Thayne's phone. And Nate never did go back to sleep!!! Happy New Year!!!

Perfect end to the year.....

Disclaimer...If you are a perfect parent, you don't need to read!!!

Soooo... 2008 has not exactly been the most perfect year. There were definitely highlights, like Garrett coming home! But there were a lot of challenges, a lot of hard times, a lot of terrifying times that I would prefer to NEVER relive. Now... don't get me wrong, I have seen miracles, I have seen the power of prayer in ways that I never really understood before. But a miscarriage, health problems for Nate, months of going without sleep, doctor bills up to my eye balls, and I can safely say that it was one of the most challenging years of my life! So isn't it fitting that last night, Amber (my visiting teaching companion) and I were taking dinner over to Connie, who had surgery on her foot. She didn't necessarily need dinner, but as visiting teachers we kind of thrive on doing dinner for somebody, you know, heaven pennies and all that. This week has been a very LONG week. My kids have been, well... wow, they have sure been something, but it was something from a nightmare that left me wondering what I was thinking when I thought 15 kids was a good idea! The middle boys especially had caused me many moments of breathing deeply and counting, to 10, 20... okay, 100 sometimes wasn't enough and I spent more than once locking myself in my bathroom only to hear the knife at the door.... yes, those little stinks know how to break into my room! That left me screaming to back away from the door and nobody would get hurt!!! But back to the dinner....

Thayne told me as I was leaving that Hayden and Hyrum were bored, and it would do them good to get out of the house! I kind of whined and sounded a bit like my 4 year old begging him to not make me take them, that they were mean to me and I didn't want to suffer through another outing with them!!! ;) He smiled like a patient parent and told me it wouldn't be bad to take them. You KNOW he was lying.... but being the kind, patient, loving person that I am (OH, STOP LAUGHING!) I told them to get in the Excursion! I had that feeling of dread... but what's a mom to do! So we get to Connie's house and I tell the boys... "DO NOT MOVE... DO NOT GET OUT, YOU DID NOT WEAR COATS AND I TOLD YOU IT IS FREEZING AND WHAT RESPECTABLE MOTHER WOULD LET YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE WHEN IT IS BELOW FREEZING OUTSIDE WITHOUT A COAT.... SO DO NOT MOVE!" There, I got my point across and Amber and I took the meal in, asked her how she is doing, can we bring in another meal, is she feeling okay... all of the things that faithful visiting teachers ask..... ding dong, ding dong, knock, knock, knock!!! Yep, you guessed it... those rotten boys were out of the car!!! I turned around and told them in a very sweet voice.. "GET BACK IN THE CAR BEFORE I HURT YOU!!!" Off they go, giggling all the way! And then they were back. Knock knock knock knock! Again, JUST GO! Laughing, whispering, and Amber and I leave with the promise to call and check on her. Okay, you can probably guess this but those darling, rotten boys managed to lock the doors... all of them... with the keys in the engine, my purse AND my cell phone locked in!

Well... at least Amber had her phone and Kailee had just drove by on her way home from the video store so it all worked out, but next time I say they aren't going with me... they REALLY aren't going with me!