I may lose it before my kids are grown....and pictures! :)

I have decided that I am not the best mom to my adult children. Lately I think back to when the older kids were younger and I have decided that I was a much better mom back in the day! Maybe it's because my adult children have no desire to be adults!!! Hmmmm... that could be the problem!!! I feel like for the past 6 months my life has spun out of control and I have been living in a fog. That may be because I had my 15th baby and 10th c-section, my husband was contemplating a new job that would require a move, while dealing with a pretty new job that was/is time consuming and extremely stressful, and then, oh, I don't know, throw in some major health issues for the newborn, feeding tubes, oxygen, doctor appointments, doctor BILLS, postpartum depression, a few health issues of my own and sheesh, that might explain things!!! Is that why I can't get any of the baby fat off??? Stress??? I don't know! And then add my oldest coming home after being gone for 2 years, and trying to readjust to one more personality and some pretty major issues with him being home again and I am ready for the funny farm! My mom always warned me that I might go crazy. Should I just tell her 'you told me so' right now and save her the trouble? I have a constant knot in my neck from stress. My big kids don't want to be big. They want to live at home and have to be mothered like my little ones do. Well... that's not entirely true. They have big hopes and aspirations. They just aren't following through and they think that they have no accountability and responsibility while they live in the home. I'm sure it isn't as horrible as I feel it is in my horribly out of control existance but it seems like one big elephant sitting in the room that we dance around without actually discussing!!! Until recently... the discussion pretty much stinks for them because they have learned that they ARE accountable and they DO have some responsibility and while they are free to plan their own lives, they will account for the things now that they need to and they will have goals and they will work to get on with those goals. In my moment of madness I let them know that till they turn 18 and graduate from high school it is a RIGHT to live in our home. AFTER graduation it is a privilage and I will NOT have them speak to me as if they were a child, they will NOT speak to their siblings as if they are the parent and they will NOT try to tell me how to parent said siblings because they simply do not have the experience to do that and when they have a few children of their own they will be free to come back home and tell me how it is working for them!!! I am exhausted pumping around the clock for Nate though I am grateful I still have my milk. But it is getting harder and harder to keep up and I can't lose weight while I am 'nursing' (so to speak!) and I do not do well with extra weight hanging around (quite literally!). That could be part of the depression??!!

Other than that, life is a peach! But I did want to show off more pictures!!!!