Happy Birthday Thayne....

Last night as I was fighting a migraine and couldn't sleep, I started thinking about the fact that Thayne's birthday is today and what an amazing man he is and how much I love him. A lot of memories ran through my mind and the one thing that always sticks out in my mind is how in awe he leaves me. We all have things that mold us and make us who we are. Some people use their past to keep them from thriving in the future. Thayne and I had many discussions with one of his brothers about how we all have a responsibility to overcome things that could hold us back and to overcome any dysfunction we may have. This brother went so far as to tell Thayne that as children of an alcoholic they could never truly function normally and that he should give up thinking that he could have a normal family and thrive. The one that blew my mind was when he told Thayne that he was no different than an alcoholic, that he was just replacing the alcohol with children. To which I replied that I would be willing to give him his fix anytime! I think my respect grew for Thayne even more when he told this brother that as a child he had no control over what happened in their home or even to him. But as an adult, he was free to choose how he would act, and react to the different circumstances in his life. And he told him that he chose to rise above it, to not let another generation go by thinking that it is normal or even acceptable. He told him that his children would never see their father abuse alcohol, and that he would never put them in a position of wondering if they were loved, adored and cherished. Not once in our marriage has he put himself first above any of us. EVER! I have expressed many times to our kids how lucky they are to have a father that would give everything to make sure they are taken care of. He has gone without more times than I can count in order to let his children have more. Some men rise above nothing to become nothing. Other men rise above terrible things to become great! That is who he is, what he is! I see him dealing with his job and how clearly he thinks, how knowledgeable he is, how well he takes on any challenge and not only accomplishes great things, but often accomplishes things that shouldn't have been. One of the higher up bosses told me one day that they give Thayne the impossible to do, because they know that everytime he will do it! I think sometimes he even is amazed at where he is, how far he has come and what he is doing now. He was told he wouldn't make it, he didn't have it to get out and move beyond, and yet, I saw a great man inside of him the very first time I looked into his eyes. I saw the greatest within, and knew that he just needed to believe it was there.

I remember being down in Tahoe, where Thayne would be accepting the safe supervisor of the year award. I woke up in the middle of the night to a song that was on the radio. As I listened, I cried. Because Thayne had expressed much of the same feelings that the song was singing about. I realized the first time he heard it, really listened to the words how much his memories hurt him, because he told me to turn it off. Yet I have watched him soften and forgive and move beyond and grow. His compassion is endless for others that struggle. I see him connect to the young men that he works with at church. It seems like the ones who have a somewhat troubled home life are the ones that really bond with him and that he has the greatest compassion for. But I see how he builds them up. I have seen it in his work... there was a guy that everyone thought was a bum, but Thayne took that guy and made him a better person, someone that would do anything if Thayne asked him. A guy he works with told me one time that he has never met anyone like Thayne, that can rip you apart, chew you out, all while building you up and making you expect more of yourself! I know that his memories of the past sometimes haunt him... but like the words in the song I heard in the middle of the night so long ago, "if I've learned one thing from him, it's my kids will never have to say, walk a little straighter daddy..." He is the best dad a kid could ever want, because he has always been willing to work through his struggles to become better. He has never been so proud as to say, "This is how I am, deal with it." He has always, always said to me, "Help me be better, let me be a better man." He doesn't realize that in my eyes, he is the best man he could possibly be! We are so blessed to be his family. We are so blessed to know this incredible man. I am so blessed to walk side by side with him. He has always made me laugh, even when the world has crumbled around us... we have each other and nothing else really matters! I love you Thayne and I count that day I met you so many years ago as the luckiest day of my life. You have given me so much more than I could ever give you. Thank you for letting me share the past 24 birthdays with you. Forever isn't long enough... but at least we have forever to let our love continue to grow!

Walk A Little Straighter by Billy Currington

I remember looking up
To look up to him
And I remember most the time
He wasn't there.
I'd be waiting at the door
When he got home at night
He'd pass me by to go pass out in his chair.

And I'd say
Walk a little straighter daddy
You're swaying side to side
Your footsteps make me dizzy
And no matter how I try
I keep tripping and stumbling
If you looked down here you'd see
Walk a little straighter daddy
You're leading me.

He stumbled in the gym
On graduation day
And I couldn't help but feel
So ashamed
And I wasn't surprised a bit
When he didn't stay
He stumbled out before they called my name.

And I thought
Walk a little straighter daddy
You're swaying side to side
It's not just me who's watching
you've caught everybody's eye
And you're tripping and stumbling
And even thought I've turned 18
Walk a little straighter daddy
You're still leading me.

The old man's still like he always was
But I love him anyway
If I've learned one thing from him
It's my kids will never have to say

Walk a little straighter daddy
You're swaying side to side
Your footsteps make me dizzy
And no matter how I try
I keep tripping and stumbling
If you looked down here you'd see
Walk a little straighter daddy
You're leading me.

Yeah walk a little straighter daddy
You're leading me.