A moment in time...

There are moments in life when you wish you could go back... just reverse time to the second before everything changed and your life started spinning out of control in a way that could terrify you if you let go of your feelings for just one second. That second before, 24 hours before... the day before your world changed in such a drastic way that you feel like you have been sucker punched, like you are falling in a black hole, grasping for the sides, begging for a rope to stop your fall, wanting so badly to wake up from a nightmare that keeps playing over and over in your mind... tightening it's grip on your heart until it feels like you can't survive another second. Thinking of all of the ways life could possibly change. Stopped cold when somebody says it sounds like Job... and yet, not quite like Job, because our friends have not betrayed us, but wondering if we have the faith, the courage to keep moving forward and not look back. Yet, for a moment turning into a pillar of salt sounds almost better... less painful than what you know you must face. Wishing to wrap our family in the cozy cocoon that our home has always been... like a cold winter night, with the storm outside raging, yet we are warm and cozy inside with the roaring fire...keeping the cold away. I want that cocoon right now... I want to circle the wagons and demand that the outside world leave us alone... let us go back to the moment before everything changed... before we have to face the cold dark night. We won't be alone... we have each other and we have the knowledge that sometimes the storms will rage around us and the only peace we will be able to find is within our own hearts... holding on tight to each other and praying for the winds to stop blowing, for the nightmare to end, to go back to that second, that moment before the storm began.

Yes, that is what I feel right now... and it hurts.