So Much Fun....

Thayne and I met Ed and Talitha in Salt Lake and it was so much fun!!! Who would have thought that a friendship started on the internet around 9 years ago would turn into something so wonderful! Talitha and I always laugh when people ask us how we met... and the kids were so funny when I told them we were stopping to visit a friend that I hadn't actually met in real life. It's still a big joke that mom let them stop at some lady's house to eat her food and play with her kids. But oh how glad I am that we did!!! That visit was the start of many and it is so fun to watch our kids hang out together and become friends also. She tells me that the kids that come to visit when I go see her get into her heart... but it is the same for me. Her kids feel like they could be my kids too and that is why sharing Bri's wedding was so wonderful. So having the opportunity to have Thayne and Ed get to know each other better was amazing! I knew that they would hit it off because they have so many of the same great qualities and a whole lot in common. And it was fun to see Thayne open and laughing and having a good time! We joke that the reason they would get along so well is because they both don't like people! :) Of course they do, but usually it's a little harder for Thayne to open up... but it wasn't with Ed and Talitha! It was so nice to have nothing to do but hang out. Walking around downtown Salt Lake on a beautiful afternoon, laughing and talking was just what we needed! I hope we get to get together again soon!!!

After Talitha and Ed got on the road we were able to get to the temple and then shopping for the weddings! It started raining cats and dogs but we were hungry and The Cheesecake Factory was calling our name so we ran through the parking lot with rain pounding down. The water was only ankle deep so we were okay... wet, but the food was delicious so it was worth it. We found dresses for the little girls, a dress for me and pants for some of the boys. Yes, we are going to pull these weddings off... we will!!!

Thanks for the fun get away Talitha!!! I can't wait to do it again!

The bond that links your true family
is not one of blood,
but of respect and joy in each other's lives.
--Richard Bach

I guess I am still emotional or something but I have sure been counting my blessings lately and realizing how blessed we are to have so many wonderful people in our lives... people that are not related by blood, but are there for us like family in so many ways I could barely begin to count!

I was dreading the D&C Wednesday, with all of my heart I wanted the outcome to be different than it was, and I was dreading going through it. And while the purpose of the surgery was horrible, I was so grateful for the wonderful people who stepped in and took care of me, and treated us like family while we were going through a difficult moment in our lives. I went to a hospital where 5 of my kids had been delivered.... doctors and nurses who had taken care of me for 5 c-sections there... for ear tubes and tonsils removed and an appendectomy.. a place where they knew us, and cared about us. When I pre-registered for the surgery on Thursday, it didn't matter that I haven't seen some of them in years... they had tears in their eyes as they told me they were sorry that we have to go through this. And I knew they meant it! And then... the day of the surgery, the same nurses that had been there to share in the joy of the birth of my children was there to cry with me at the loss of a very wanted pregnancy. The sweet nurse that knows how bad I hate IV's and numbed my hand, and then covered the needle so I couldn't see it. Who told us they felt like we were part of their family. The nurses that kept me calm and talked to me about happy times. Who have been there to take care of my babies at birth, and during surgeries were there to comfort me that day. And then, when I felt like I was going to break down, there is Marian... she came in and held my hand and talked until I fell asleep. The first time I truly met her was when she was helping me... setting up lights because Kassi had horrible jaundice, and then, in the most compassionate act, when I was literally dying she took her to her home and watched over her while I had a life saving surgery. She has a heart of gold, and I feel honored to count her as my friend. And here again, she was right where I needed her to be... holding my hand and giving me the encouragement to get through this. I love her as if she were truly family... because as the quote says...it's not flesh and blood that makes us family, it is respect and joy we find in each other's lives. I am grateful for doctors like Dr S... who does more than just take care of 'procedures' but who treat you like they really care. It was interesting when I was talking to him how much he remembered out my previous surgeries. He doesn't practice just to practice... he has compassion for us and what we are going through. There are so many people that bless our lives that we kind of take for granted! But I am grateful for them all...for knowing that in times of heart ache, times of pain, there are people that will carry the load with you, and make the burden lighter! We are blessed to know so many wonderful people... and I am grateful for each and every one of them!

Because it's been a while...

Because it has been a while since I blogged about our sweet Gabe I decided it is time!!! Simply because I can! He is growing so much and always has the biggest smiles for us. The kids still adore him and Nate thinks that Gabe is his best buddy. Today we picked Gabe up while Tiffany worked and Nate has an old cell phone and made Thayne take a picture of Gabe so it would be on his cell phone! The exciting thing is that they may be buying a house out here and I was thinking about how amazing it will be to watch Gabe grow up close to us. Today I was so tired, had been up until after midnight with Kalli who was sick and then got up at 4am to open at Curves and desperately needed a nap. Gabe and I decided to take a nap together and I love that he just cuddles right up and naps with me and then wakes up with a huge smile on his face! He is a sweetie and we are very blessed to have him in our lives!

Gabe in the red hat... he wasn't sure about it but the rest of us thought he looked adorable! And of course anytime Gabe is around Nate has to be close to him too! WHAT is this thing on my head???? :)

Jace is always grabbing poor Gabe's lips! At least he was asleep and unaware of the torment he was going through!

Nate giving his Gabe loves....

Measuring their feet....

Just relaxin'

Catch up on Kimi...

Since I didn't get her birthday cake pictures up I might as well just do it now with the big, amazing, wonderful announcement that tonight Kimi got her temple recommend and we are now planning a wedding for this sweet girl on June 25th!!! I could shout from the rooftops... she was glowing when she came into the house tonight and said, "I PASSED!!!" as if that was even a question... what she meant was that she met with the bishop and after her interview she has her temple recommend in her hand with the stake president's blessing to go to the temple anytime!!! Matt just bought her a cute house and they are looking forward to starting their lives together. She loves his family and they love her... she is so excited! This is such a great time in her life and her dad and I are absolutely thrilled about it all! The only bad part is that she will live 4 hours from us... but Matt already promised they will visit often. He said 3 times a month! :) I am just so grateful for the amazing people that are joining our family. Tiffany, Caitlyn, and now Matt... Kassi said that in this family there is no such thing as 'in-law'... that we are all just FAMILY! And it's true... they become ours when they love our children and we are so happy for this wonderful time!!!

So Kimi.... it was amazing to celebrate this birthday with you knowing that this year would be the beginning of the most amazing time of your life! May you always be at least as happy as you are now... but then, we know that this is just the beginning and that you will find that your love will grow stronger year after year! What wonderful things to look forward to! Kimi is so good to Nate... I think that will be the hardest part of her moving because the kids are so attached to each other!

We flew away....

We got to fly away last week... well, Kailee, Kassi, Kinzee and I flew away. It was a wonderful get away and a much needed distraction for all of the 'stress' we had been dealing with and I can't even put into words how it filled me. And even better... I got to take my amazing and beautiful daughters to share in a very special event... a wedding!!!! Bri and Jordan got married and it was such a privilege to get to share in that special day! I am so grateful to have been able to go and forget the world for a while, and laugh. And oh! Did we ever laugh!!! I was thinking about how blessed we are to have such amazing friends... and I was sent this text from Talitha (Bri's mom) that put it all into words how I have been feeling...

The bond that links your true family

is not one of blood,

but of respect and joy in each other's lives.

--Richard Bach

It is so amazing to have friends that welcome you in like family no matter what is going on. And the feelings are mutual! It was such a wonderful and amazing time and I will forever be grateful for them sharing their weekend with us. And that I got to make more memories with my girls. On the plane flying home the lady Kailee and I were sitting next to told us that it seems very obvious that my kids are my best friends. She was so right. I love the friendship I share with my kids and hanging out with them is absolutely wonderful! Hanging out with Talitha's family and watching our kids interact with each other was a joy to experience. And we laughed until we could barely stand up! I needed this weekend! I am always so happy to get home to the rest of the family, but I was thrilled to have the memories made from the wedding and the weekend with friends who should really be family!!! Thanks for putting up with us Talitha, you are the best!!!

This is the reason we went... Bri was absolutely stunning in her dress. It truly looked like it was made for just her and it was fun to see the love that they share! May their lives be as wonderful as it was on their wedding day!!! The love on Jordan's face for Bri was so obvious.... and you could tell she feels the same!
Her dress was amazing, and Bri IN her dress was breath taking!!!

The happy bride....

The cake!

He was nice when he fed her the cake...

Kassi and Kinzee enjoying the reception...

Dancing with the siblings... it was so sweet! Cooper adores his big sister!

Ready to go....

Spencer navigating us safely through the city.... to get me a FOUNTIN!!! :)

Silly girls... I think they had been praying that Spencer could safely navigate us through the city!!! :) At least that is what they might bug him about doing!

Hanging out watching movies... though I have to say that there was much more laughing than movie watching!

Walker showing off for the pictures! It is funny that I have several pictures of everyone on the couch watching movies over the year. It's fun to see how much the kids have all grown!

If I remember right, I was being told not to take a picture.... but I did!

The girls and I went to Applebees for dinner one night. These girls are just absolutely amazing to hang out with and we laughed and laughed and ate, and ate, and then laughed some more. Then we headed to the stores to do some shopping. Have I mentioned how much I love being their mom???!!!

Live, Laugh and Love.... for what is life without memories! Thanks for the wonderful memories this weekend!!!

Prom for Celeste....

I have neglected keeping up to date... Tanner took Celeste to her senior prom and she looked absolutely beautiful... he was pretty cute too, but this is all about Celeste! She is such a wonderful young woman and I feel so blessed to know her! Tanner said they had fun and she looked gorgeous so what more could you want for a senior prom!!!

Happy Birthday Hayden

Things got a little crazy and I didn't take the time to wish my sweet Hayden Robert a happy 10th birthday. It doesn't seem possible to think that he is 10. I remember so clearly holding him for the first time and falling completely in love with him. I had a lady tell me that he had to be my first because I looked at him like I was a first time mom holding my baby and looking like I was completely in love with him... I told her he was my first Hayden!!! He has the strongest personality and is such an incredible kid! He loves to read nonfiction books (much to the dismay of his teacher who doesn't seem to appreciate his knowledge of facts about just about everything!!!!) and thinks deeply about everything... how it all works! He is so sweet, and I am so grateful that I get to be his mom!!! We had fun celebrating his birthday and he really liked his cake and presents! He got new clothes and lots of 'cowboy' stuff.... which is really what he wants to be! Happy Birthday sweet Hayden... we love you so much!!! Hayden and Nate waiting to blow out the candles...

Nate was being silly and had Hayden laughing.....

Nate thinks he is boss and helped Hayden blow out the candles and then went to work taking out the candles....

Yum, yum, the icing is good!!!

Silly Tiffany and Kami... your tongues are black!!!!!

Tanner and Celeste came to visit too!

Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes no!

We asked for 2 miracles today. We got one... that's pretty good. Yesterday during general conference there was an amazing talk that said, "Never let an earthly circumstance disable you spiritually." I realized that we have had a whole lot of earthly circumstances that have encouraged us to turn to the Lord and to tell Him, "Thy will be done" even when it hurt us to say it. Last week things looked scary and we all felt that we could be dealing with something very serious with Kailee... there were a whole lot of prayers and a couple of beautiful Priesthood blessings. Today we got to the doctor's office and I felt like I wanted to throw up. I asked Thayne if he would say a prayer before we walked in and he did. I went into the bathroom and prayed again and instantly I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and that we would see our miracle with her. It has been interesting to see Kailee during this time. She said that no matter what she knew that she would walk through it and be fine. I know that she meant exactly that... whether the answer was that she would be fine, or if she wasn't. Her faith is amazing. But I saw in my mind a wonderful miracle. We also have the sweetest pediatrician who rushed the tests through and called us immediately with the results. And after all of this... the results are that this sweet, precious, beautiful girl is completely healthy! It's weird... the bruises literally disappeared, even though they lasted weeks before. Everything we worried about was better and there was no sign of anything wrong! I know you could call it a coincidence, but we know better... we know the miracle that took place and we are grateful that this time, the answer was yes!

I wish it would have been for everything... we were so excited with the knowledge that #16 was on it's way. A few days ago I started spotting. It's not getting worse, but it is just there... so today we finally got to the ER... after waiting forever, we had blood work done, an ultrasound and some other tests. The doctor is trying to tell me that I am just not as far along as I know I am and said that I need to come back in 2 days for more blood work... that everything looks perfect for a 5 1/2 week pregnancy... even though I know that is impossible. I hate that he didn't listen to me... that he didn't hear what I know... that I KNOW it isn't possible. Why give false hope. I didn't lose a month... I am losing this baby! I feel heart broken, sad, and yet, I have felt the comfort that only the Savior can give me... I know that there are some that think it is their right to judge our lives, and feel they know what we should or shouldn't do... but I know that we have always tried to live our lives the way the Lord would have us... and I know that we are where we are supposed to be with the Lord. And that there is something to be learned even in this!

So today we got one yes answer, and one no... and I am okay with trusting that for whatever reason the Lord is guiding our lives and teaching us to trust Him even when the answer is no. We are so blessed... I am so blessed to be the mother of these children that are so kind, so good... with hearts of gold. I have the most amazing husband who carries my burdens with me, and who has blessed the lives of our family in ways I cannot even begin to put into words. His heart is so pure, and his goodness is beyond measure... he is a man with faults and fears, yet he has a humility that always allows him to grow. I have a Heavenly Father that shows His love for us in so many ways, everyday. So while I may mourn that the answer was no right now... I will trust that no experience is wasted, and that I will stand firm in the knowledge that I will not allow any earthly circumstance disable this family spiritually. They will see us standing firmly planted in the knowledge that Heavenly Father has a perfect plan for our lives and is in control when we allow Him to guide us! And I am so thankful for so many friends that prayed for us... for those that brought this miracle into being. Thank you!

Appointments yesterday...

We made the run to Salt Lake yesterday for appointments for Kassi and Nathaniel... Kassi will be getting braces in 2 weeks. And we had Nate's follow up with the ENT about his upper GI and swallow study. We got a lot of information but again we were told that he has the most horrible reflux. You know it's bad when they say it's the worst reflux they have seen in a 2 year old at a major children's hospital! We are now headed back to the GI specialists to follow up on his medication and possible to see the surgeons to see if we will need to go forward with surgery to help him. The acid is damaging his lungs because he is constantly aspirating. We will see the pulmonary doctors again to see if we can strengthen his lungs too. All in all it was a successful trip, we found some great deals at the AE store, got the imprints so Kassi can go back in 2 weeks for braces and got Nate on 2 more meds to help with the reflux... guess we'll see what happens with the next few appointments!

Monday...

Monday at 1:30pm Kailee will be going to see the doctor for a complete physical and blood work to find out why she bruises for no reason. We are concerned... we are sometimes scared. This is the reason I want to wrap us in the cocoon and protect them from the world... I don't want to see my sweet daughter go through this. In some ways I just want to close my eyes, and pretend it isn't happening. There is a concern. But I want to say this... no matter what, we will all be fine. Life isn't about getting through it without trials... we believe we were sent here to be tested. And it isn't what the test is, but how we get through that test. So while I have moments of wanting to circle the wagons and demand that we not have anything hard thrown at us, that isn't the way life works. So while we may want to stomp our feet and demand a do over, we can't do it and we know that every challenge makes us better if we face it with courage and with dignity. We know that Heavenly Father will carry us through with His love, and with the peace that comes when we completely rely on Him. I think of being a mom, being a parent to these incredible children and I find that while I will never understand what it took for Him to allow His perfect Son to die for me, when I watch my own children suffer I have a greater understanding and a greater appreciation of that sacrifice and the love that it took to do it. And I love the Savior for what He did... because I know that He felt everything I am feeling, and that He will offer perfect compassion, perfect empathy for what we face now. I don't just believe in miracles... I expect them, because I have seen them many times in my life. Of course there are moments when the deceiver whispers that we have used up our miracles... as if there is a certain quota when it comes to miracles... and I have to push those feelings away and remember that we will never be alone and that no matter what, all is well. So while we will be praying, and praying, and asking for prayers... we know that we will face whatever comes and trust that we will be better because we have walked through it.

I will not dread Monday... I will have faith that Monday will be a wonderful day!