Live and Learn... or get burned!

Well.... we have had a wood stove for many, many years!

And have only had an occassional little burn...

nothing serious.

We always warn the kids that it isn't a place where you mess around,

and that you could get hurt very bad.

Now they really believe us!

We had some friends staying over,

and because boys are boys,

joking became...

OUCH!

Thankfully it wasn't his face,

and thankfully it wasn't as bad as it really could have been.

But this is one of those examples of

if you are going to play with fire,

you really might get burned!

Poor Willie learned the being burned is very painful!

Poor Hunter offered to help him with his homework!

But they also learned a very valuable lesson

that nobody will forget anytime soon!

Gabriel is ONE!!!

Sweet Gabriel turned one!

How blessed we have been this year...

It's so hard to believe that a year has gone by already.

I can't believe how quickly he grew and

how he has everyone wrapped around his finger.

I felt so blessed to be there when he was born...

It is amazing how each new life brings such an amazing spirit,

and how close heaven feels right at that moment.

It was so amazing to see my grandson born,

to look into his eyes and feel such an overwhelming sense of love

and protectiveness for this little life.

I remember standing with Garrett by the bassinet while they looked him over

and I looked back at Tiffany,

and saw concern on her midwife's face.

Tiffany had delivered him naturally and was so strong,

but for a minute things could have gone wrong,

and I felt fear.

I looked at her,

and realized that I truly loved her as a daughter

and I went over and held her hand,

knowing that while they were doing something necessary to take care of her,

she was in pain...

and I wanted to take that pain away!

I felt so blessed to have her in our family,

and so grateful that she was willing to go through so much to give this little boy

life!

He was so beautiful...

he still is so beautiful.

He has such a fun personality.

Our favorite new thing he does is pull his ears out

and make monkey noises.

He does it because he knows we will laugh at him.

But then he pretty much knows that any time he is around

we will be loving him, laughing at him,

cheering for him!

I love how he knows that he is adored

and how happy he is when he walks in the door.

Like he knows that the world is going to revolve around him

and how content and happy that makes him!

Happy Birthday sweet boy...

you are enriched our lives so much,

you have given us so much joy and added so much love!

Don't hate me because our trials are different...

Have you ever wanted to scream,
"Don't hate me because my trials are different than yours are!!!"

Because sometimes I DO!

Several things have happened recently,

whether in real life conversation

or on the Internet that have left me thinking a lot about this.

We were all sent to earth with our own set of circumstances

that would help us grow closer to the Lord IF we are

willing to walk through them with patience

and with the knowledge that we were given them

to become the person that we are supposed to be.

I love the quote (I think by Ezra Taft Benson) that says:

"Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that

He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can.

He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds,

strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings,

increase their opportunities, comfort their souls,

raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose

his life in the service of God will find eternal life."

I have thought a lot about how we are supposed to

'rejoice with those who rejoice'

and

'mourn with those who mourn'

but how often it seems that some people think

others should mourn for them,

but that they don't feel they have to mourn for others.

And rejoicing seems more like a competitive thing

where you don't want anyone else to have what you don't have!

I think of the wonderful examples of people in my life.

I think of the friend who lost her daughter to strep pneumonia.

I mourned for her when it happened.

But I can honestly say that the reason I fought so hard for Nate

was because of what she went through.

She taught me through her pain.

She encouraged me to fight for him.

Because of her, Nate is alive.

I would have given anything for her to not have gone through that pain,

but even IN her pain she rose above it and taught others.

Over the past couple of years,

another friend and I went through multiple miscarriages,

often together.

We prayed for each other.

We mourned.

She recently lost another sweet baby.

But she rejoiced when she heard we had a heartbeat!

She didn't begrudge me, or wish for a different outcome for me.

She REJOICED with me...

and through her pain,

shared my joy!

What is it that makes some people walk through a trial

with peace and even with joy in the good things,

while others turn hateful, or jealous, or bitter.

We all have trials... our own special set of them.

Just because yours are different than mine

doesn't mean they aren't there,

and doesn't mean they aren't just as hard to carry.

What is it they say about walking a mile in someone else's shoes?

I would be willing to bet that while we are sitting back

with envy thinking someone else has something we don't...

if we truly walked a mile in their shoes we would

ask for our own trials back!

One comment on a board I go to was that the person was bitter

when they see large families at church.

I understand what she means...

but just because a mom has a large family doesn't mean it came easy,

or that their life is easy right now...

there may be happiness but none of us have it easy!

Just because somebody isn't married doesn't mean they have to

be mad that I am...

just because we are different

doesn't mean we all aren't carrying the trials that will make us

who the Lord wants us to be...

every choice we make leads to consequences.

And sometimes we only get to choose how we will react.

A favorite hymn says,
"In the quiet heart is hidden, sorrow that the eye can't see..."

Sometimes we hurt,

sometimes a friend betrays us,

sometimes family hurts us,

sometimes a child struggles,

sometimes we lose...

sometimes the answer is no!

I can assure you that because I have a large family

I am not stealing babies from somebody else...

because I have chosen to be pregnant far more

than what someone feels is normal

it's not because it is easy, or without struggles.

Don't look too hard at what you don't have

while comparing it to what I do,

because we all are on in this life together

and life is too short to be mad at,

or miserable about what others are doing.

How about if we truly mourn with each other,

and rejoice with each other...

and carry for each other,

the burdens that we all have.

Don't be mad because you think that your trials are harder to bear,

or heavier to carry.

We find ourselves~

only when we lose ourselves in serving others!

Our trials are easier if we carry them together!

The Gummy Bear

Remember that fortune cookie...

The reason it meant so much is because we felt like our

dearest dream is truly coming true.

We had been holding our breath and hoping,

and wondering and sometimes even fearing

that it really wasn't going to happen.

Because in the past couple of years,

that dream didn't seem to be something that would happen again.

And while I don't really put my faith in fortunes,

or fortune cookies...

this one was kind of interesting

because we stopped to grab some food and Thayne said

to grab about 20 cookies too.

He randomly pulled one cookie out of the sack

and handed it to me.

I had seen everyone open their cookies

and they were just the silly, run of the mill, everyday

fortunes.

But I opened mine,

and held it out for Thayne to see.

And he smiled at me.

And I taped it on the fridge!

And it still makes me smile.

Because....

Tuesday we went to my doctor,

to see if that dearest dream was really going to happen.

And there it was...

that little Gummy Bear,

waving back at us.

A beautiful little heart beating.

I wasn't quite as scared as the other times in the past 2 years,

because I had heard little Gummy on Sunday night.

And so...

we sent a text to all of our kids.

And again, it never ceases to amaze me

of their love and joy at the idea of adding a sibling!

I love this family!

I love my daughters in law...

who find just as much joy in this miracle as the other kids!

They make it so worth it!!!

Cheers all around!!!

We are happy!!!

We are relieved...

We feel very blessed for this opportunity!

I am sick.

But I am thrilled to be sick!

This baby means so much to us.

Someone made a comment about my miscarriages, that

at least I had other kids.

And blew it off like it hurt less because

I already had kids.

I wonder where that idea comes from.

To me,

It hurt so much worse BECAUSE

I have kids!

I know the joy of life,

the joy of feeling that life moving within me.

I guess that is one of those things

you should never say to someone who has lost a child.

Don't make one loss less than another.

And I am not going to not rejoice over this child

because somebody might feel that I have enough...

We are not competing with anyone over anything,

we are not trying to fix something or fill something or whatever else

people think they need to know.

We adore our children!

We love what they bring to our life!

We have welcomed life

without question and without doubt

because we know that this is what we are supposed to do

for our family!

And when I see the joy that our kids feel

because of this choice.

I LOVE that they can't wait to shout it from the rooftops!

I got a text from Kassi asking,

"Can I PLEASE tell my class?"

Kami was dragging her feet Wednesday about going to school.

Kalli told her,

"If you don't hurry you will miss telling your teacher!"

And that got her up and out the door with a

smile on her face!

We are happy...

no, we are THRILLED!

I was shaking when my doctor started the ultrasound.

And then she laughed!

And asked if I saw it moving around.

Then that beautiful, tiny little heart was beating...

and I cried!

Thayne said he didn't have to see the screen to know what was going on,

that all he had to do was look at my face!

At this point the cute baby looks just like a Gummy Bear...

when I look at the miracle growing inside

it makes me feel even more that life is truly a miracle!

And every morning I hear the little heart beating

and I say a prayer of thanks that

we get to witness the miracle one more time!

Welcome little one...

you are already loved,

already so wanted

and already so adored!

Nate's day!

This was a big day for Nate... exciting for him. Not so much for the rest of us who are having some serious (okay, only a little bit serious, haha) issues. Jace has said that Nate is NOT going to school. Nate of course told him that yes, he had to. I teared up the day I took him for the speech testing that they needed to do. He 'graduated' from the early childhood speech where the wonderful teachers came to the house, and now he goes to the school 2 days a week. We had to get him a back pack which he thought was just too awesome! The older kids have been saying that it isn't okay to send him to school but really, as sad as it makes me I know that he is going to thrive and that he needs to continue in speech therapy so he will be caught up and on target for kindergarten. A couple of his teachers are the ones that helped Kimi when she was in kindergarten and who know our family really well so it's not like we are sending him off to some strange place. I guess it is just as Jace put it... "It's NATE, nobody will appreciate him like we do!!!" I told Jill that and she laughed and said that they certainly would appreciate him, that they love our family!

Nate was a little character today. He got up so happy and was running through the house teasing me this morning and then would run to his daddy to 'hide' from me! We stopped and bought him a backpack before we dropped him off at school and he gladly got out of the van and walked happily to class. He hung up his coat, hat and backpack and was sitting on the floor waving goodbye to me without batting an eye. I admit, a tear or two escaped. I can't believe how I felt like I was leaving a little piece of my heart in that room. He was thrilled, and I am happy that he will thrive and have fun, and it is only 2 times a week... I can do this right????!!!!

Aw, sweet Nate, he loves life! And we love him!!! He thinks he is hiding from me... I chased him around the kitchen, through his room and he jumped on his dad and 'hid'....

He has a slight obsession with lining things up... mostly his cars!

Showing off telling me 'ha ha mommy'....

Out of the car and ready to go....

Walking into the school, he's ready to go!

I asked if he was excited and he said, "Yes!" but I am holding back tears! It's kind of ridiculous on my part!

Just too cute... I know, we are prejudice but he just has our hearts!!!

Hanging up his coat, hat and backpack... teacher Jill is going to take great care of him!

Jill is truly an awesome woman! She has helped so many of my kids and is so good to our family and has been very sweet about Nate starting school! She promised me she would take great care of him and then insisted that she got a picture with me on Nate's first big day. You can't even see the tears here! :)

Shalum and Candice

I have been meaning to write about this for a while.

Shalum is my baby brother and 7 or so years ago

after he returned from his mission we talked him in to coming here

to see us... and well,

we knew this girl...

Candice!

And before you knew it,

Candice and Shalum decided they liked each other,

which was really nice for us because we liked them both

and liked them together too!

Shalum has always been so sweet with kids,

our kids love him so much.

And Candice and Shalum together thought 9 kids would be fun.

But 7 years later they are still waiting for their dream.

And I would love to see their dream come true.

They are now all ready for a baby to come to their home...

They were told that the best way to find a baby who needs a great home

is to put their names out there.

And so...

if anyone knows of someone who has to make the hardest decision,

but wants the best life for their child,

we know someone who would love that baby as their own

and give it a home that kids would dream of.

Full of love, and happiness and joy...

and lots of cousins to love it!!!

Our kids love them,

love to hang out with them,

love to be around them.

And our heart aches that they don't have the baby of their dreams yet.

Their adoption profile is here:

https://www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/22339948/ourMessage.jsf

(Sorry, don't know how to make it pretty)

We pray all of the time that their dreams will come true one day very soon!

Love you Candice and Shalum!!!

Fortune cookie

I am not really into

fortune cookies!

I think they are fun

and the cookies are usually pretty good,

but I have to admit that this fortune

made me smile!

Everyone else

got random,

silly fortunes that

you would expect to come in a cookie...

we bought 20 of them.

Many had the same 'fortune'

but out of all of them,

Thayne handed me this one

and when I read it...

I really did smile!

Just a number?

Today in church a sweet older lady shared her testimony. As she shared her thoughts I couldn't help but relate to it in a very different way. She was #15 in her family and she talked about always feeling like a number. She said that she often felt like her mom didn't know her, that people at church only recognized her as just one of that family and how because of that she didn't feel like her Heavenly Father truly knew her either. She said that when her mom was mad she would yell at them without getting their name right. I heard my kids laugh and I wondered to myself what they were thinking... interesting though, my first thought was kind of laughing to myself that I ALWAYS get it right when I am mad at them! Funny, that was the same thing they said when we were talking tonight during Family Home Evening. That I always get their names right when I am mad at them! One of my first thoughts was a little annoyance because that is such a typical thought that members of a large family are somehow a number, or not remembered or known. I have friends with far less children that sometimes call their kids by the dog's name! I sometimes mess up the names, but it is not because I don't know the child... it's because I am human! But I understood her pain. I used to wonder when I was young how Heavenly Father could know me personally, and I wondered how I could do enough to have Him recognize me and accept me. To me, I learned a very clear lesson that Heavenly Father knows me personally and loves me, because of my large family. Thayne and I were talking about this and he said that when she said she felt like she was #15 that he had to think, "Who IS #15??? Oh, yeah, that is Nate and he is sitting on my lap!!!" He said he hasn't ever felt like they were numbers, but that he knows them each individually, how they will react, how they will feel, how they will think about something in any given situation. It is true. I know that Garrett and Jace will react to a situation in completely different ways, that Kailee and Kassi will handle being scolded completely opposite of the other... not that anyone is better or worse, just that each of our children will react to a situation in a different way because they ARE different. They each have different strengths and weaknesses and they are each on the path in a different place! I learned by knowing each of my children that a perfect Father in Heaven knows me perfectly! For me, the greatest gift I have ever received by having this family was the knowledge that I am loved by my Heavenly Father. I remember how I felt when a lady thought that Hayden was my first because I looked at him like a mom looks at her firstborn child... it hit me so clearly that he was my first Hayden... that I was never having the same child over again, that I was getting the opportunity to know a whole, brand new person for the very first time. That is such a gift! I think the secret is that you have to accept that you are having a child, to raise them as someone who will have their own dreams, their own hopes and their own experiences. I see parents who try so hard to hold on to their children and make decisions based on what they expect of them, or maybe more accurately they expect their children to live the life that they, themselves have chosen to live. I watch my kids grow up, start lives of their own and it isn't my place to demand that they do, or do not do something because I think it is best. We are here to gain experience and to grow by living our lives the way we each think we should... not live through someone else. We can't gain experience if we aren't allowed to grow on our own.

I guess the one thing I want my kids to always know is that I have never seen you as a number... I have seen you as an individual with your very own personality and with your very own set of strengths and weaknesses and I am also very grateful for all that I have learned by being your mom! I think that you have taught me far more than I will ever teach you... and because of each of you I have a greater appreciation for my Heavenly Father, and am so grateful that because of each of you I have learned that He knows me personally and loves me perfectly. That is such a gift, to know that you are loved. And I want you to know that you ARE loved, as completely and perfectly as it is possible with my imperfect self, I love you! I understand what this sweet lady was saying, but I mostly feel sad that anyone ever has to feel that way in a family and that I hope to never leave any of you feeling that way! Thank you for teaching me about unconditional love!!! I am blessed to be your mom!

Where we were today....

Did you even know that there was a place called Puckerbrush, NV?

Because I didn't!

Even as we have drove by it in the past I did not know.

But today I not only learned there is such a place,

but sat there for more than 30 minutes waiting for Matt and Kimi

to return Willie and Wyatt to us!

We learned that trucks can get an oil change for $149.95

and they have showers...

and half of the population was inside the truck stop that makes up

this quaint little town...

also inside of the truck stop was a Subway,

a Taco Time and a family restaurant

so really, what more could a little town want but to have

all of them right in one place!

The best part of it was that I got to spend a few hours with

the man of my dreams actually talking!

Which was funny because I was SO tired and wanted to sleep

and Thayne talked, and talked...

He could drive all the way to Salt Lake without saying a word because

he just likes to drive and listen to music

but today when I wanted to sleep he talked!!! :)

And really I was okay with that!

It was fun...

and oh how I love this man!

What we did NYE...

What we did New Year's Eve??? Why nothing! Okay well obviously we did something, but nothing exciting since Willie and Wyatt were at Kimi's and the girls had a Church dance to go to so Thayne and I went out the night before with Buffy and Tracy to dinner and a movie and New Year's Eve was spent hanging out at home with the little kids with nothing specific planned except making some bread! Jace and Caitlyn came over for a little bit before they went to her parent's house and played a game of Chutes and Ladders with the little kids, and Garrett and Tiffany, and of course Gabe came to visit but went home well before midnight. We actually celebrated NYE when the ball dropped in New York which worked out perfectly... since it is 3 hours early! :) It actually ended up being a really good night despite the lack of excitement. The kids took turns grinding wheat... yep, grinding with the hand grinder! Almost like the pioneers, but not, haha! They thought it was great. I thought it was more like a work out. I guess it was just enjoyable because we had nothing to do, no place to go, because it was FREEZING and everyone was happy to just hang out!

Happy New Year to all... I am looking forward to all kinds of amazing things happening in 2011!

Jace and Cait playing with the kids... Gabe and Nate hanging out and playing... love these two boys so much!

This is the way we grind the wheat.... oh such fun!!! And the bread was AWESOME!

Gabe and Kami taking down Jace...