Willie....

Willie wanted to wait to celebrate his birthday (except for the enchiladas he wanted for his birthday dinner) this weekend so he could have his cousins here... so we saved the cake until last night! Still can't believe that he is 12 years old!!!

Crazy girls...

Pictures from the dress finding trip! And tonight is the dance.... yipppeee!!!

Kids, cousins, fun...

My brother's kids are staying with us tonight while they go out of town to celebrate their anniversary. The kids are loving having their cousin's hang out here. It's fun to watch them interact with each other and it's great to watch them develop friendships that will last their whole life through! It's amazing to watch how much alike they are in so many ways... some things you can't help but laugh at the fact that it's just in the DNA!!! Now I can only hope that we manage to get some sleep tonight. They are much too excited to be together and sleep is hard to come by when there are lots of kids thinking up all kinds of things to do! Kami loved having Cereta here all day... they have played and played and played. They've dressed up, changed clothes a million times, had Barbies and dolls and paper and pens and then they started all over again. I think those two are the only ones that are completely worn out!!! I think I need to have her out more often. This is the first day in a long time that Kami hasn't told me how completely boring it is with only Nate and Romo to keep her company!

Just sayin....

Every day I watch the news after promising myself that I won't! Politics frustrate me more now than they did during the election and sometimes I feel so much dread I have to just turn off everything and turn on some loud 80's music so I don't have to think! A friend shared a picture that a friend of hers took at the inauguration and though Katie is worried I will now be put on a national watch list, I am sharing the picture anyway! :)

Just sayin'......

Crazy, fun day!!!

What a GREAT DAY!!! Everyone should have a girls' day every once in a while. Kailee needed a dress for the dance this weekend. So it was decided that a trip to Utah was in order since there are absolutely no cute, and modest dresses in this town. Katie wanted to go... Buffy was supposed to but got sick (and we missed you!!!). Kimi was even able to get off work and off we went, Kailee, Kassi, Kimi, Katie and me! ROAD TRIP!!! Lots of 80's CD's had been burned and in case I haven't mentioned it, my girls were born in the wrong era... they LOVE 80's music! And so do Katie and I!!! Laughter is good for the soul... and our soul's are feeling pretty good today!!! So are the soul's of complete strangers that had the privilege of driving anywhere near us... especially the couple at the stop light that were laughing so hard they were doubled over! I'm pretty sure Katie has some serious head banging in her past, but I could be wrong! The poor Excursion was shaken, rattled and well... we didn't roll anything but there was a lot of the shaking going on! And Kassi... for the record, a mudslide isn't a dessert you can order at Applebees!!!! And thanks to all of the gang at Olive Garden that sang Happy Birthday... even if my birthday isn't until NEXT week... and though it was flattering to have the cute waiter hit on me ;)... I totally know he was lying and I don't get it because he wasn't even our waiter so we couldn't leave him a big tip! LOL!!! The girls loved it though and we have decided that we need these fun shopping trips a little more often! The dress is bought... and Kailee is gorgeous in it. I managed to spend far too much of Thayne's hard earned money... and by the way, thank you Thayne for taking off work and taking care of our babies at home while I ran off with your daughters and forgot to act my age! Oh, well... the girls told everyone I was turning 25 so maybe I DID act my age!!! :) And Katie and I are really looking forward to September when Rick Springfield will be in concert... haha! Kailee and Kassi are just sad that you have to be 21 to get in!

And remember my pretties... what happened in Utah STAYS in Utah! And that is all I am going to say about that!!!!

(Pictures to follow... I'm too tired tonight!)

I like my kids!!!

I know...it's a shock, but I really LIKE my kids! They are really cool. They make me smile. They do make me really crazy and sometimes completely mad... but I love them a LOT! I subbed for Jace's primary class Sunday and I got to watch my kids, and other kids, and I decided I am glad that I am the mom to MY kids! Because they are really awesome! And they behave! Oh, I know they aren't perfect. But they sat and listened to the lessons, they paid attention to those that were teaching, or leading music or sharing with the group. I watched them look at the people teaching and I realized that kids don't look other people in the eye much anymore! But they did! I love that so far, my kids haven't figured out that I am a complete mess and don't really have it all together. :) Jace and I were talking about Caitlyn's hair that she got talked into dying dark... and how she is working hard to get it back to the natural blonde it was (and too cute by the way!). He said, " I told her that you do NOT mess with your hair like that!" I do highlight my hair but have been extremely frustrated with 2 of my girls that tried to do a home job that ended up looking well... um, just bad! But I thought it was funny that Jace assumed that I have never 'messed with' my hair before! I like that I can go out to eat with my kids and carry on a conversation with them and laugh with them and have fun with them. I can even tease them! Of course it goes the other way and they tease me too! I love that my kids love 80's music and tomorrow the girls and I are going to Utah to dress shop for Kailee's first semi-formal dance and that we will get to listen to 80's music and dance and sing and likely they will sing out the window and embarrass Katie, Buffy and me!!! I like that we can go out on dates with our kids'.... at their request! I just really like my kids and today my heart is full and mushy because I was watching them hang out and talk and play and laugh and it hit me that I like that I really like them, and not just love them cuz I have to for being their mom! ;) lol

Willie Kade -- a young man!!!

There are certain birthdays that kids in our home look forward to their whole lives! 8 is a special age. That is when they get baptized! 12 is next because the girls get to go to young women's at church but the boys receive the Priesthood! It's something that we talk about and look forward to for from the time they can understand what it means! This is Willie's day! He turns 12!!! He will receive the Priesthood on Sunday! He is a Young Man now! Now he gets to hang out with the big boys! What a day!!!

I still can't believe that it has been 12 years. The days slip quickly into weeks and on into years and here we are... he's 12!!! Is it strange that I can close my eyes and remember the exact moment I held each one of my children for the first time. I remember his sweet face and the instant love I had for him. Of course I loved him long before I knew him... I was overjoyed to find out I was pregnant with him. Around 8 weeks I woke up in the most horrible pain. I couldn't breathe and the pain had me terrified that I had an ectopic pregnancy or something. I went to the hospital in the middle of the night and after hours, they told me I had an ovarian cyst that had ruptured. But the ultrasound tech told me that there looked to be problems and to go home and wait to miscarry! That was it, just like that! HUH? I was so scared. We went to Utah and my doctor there checked things out, and there was a healthy, beating heart of my Will-Dawg with no problems at all. There was also another sac that would have been his twin but it had stopped developing. But my little man was healthy and growing and wonderful! Perfect in every way!

He has the greatest personality. He loves all things sports... basketball, football, soccer... especially soccer! He has the greatest sense of humor and is so smart! He's at that age where he isn't sure if he wants to be a little boy or a young man and trying to find a balance between the two, but is growing up strong and happy and a leader at home and at school. What a great day... what a great year he has ahead of him!

Happy Birthday Will-Dawg! I love you more than you will understand until you have children of your own!

Testimonies grow...

It is interesting as a mom to watch the testimony of Jesus Christ grow within our children... it always grows in unexpected ways and at different times for each child. I know people who say that they aren't going to 'force' their children, and that they will let them get old enough to gain decide for themselves what and how they will worship. I always felt that is a cop out to the parent. Parenting is not supposed to be easy, it is work... hard work... and choosing not to teach your child something is teaching them what you may not want them to know in the end! In fact I love this....

"When I was growing up in South Alabama, often a child became unruly or a teenager behaved quite badly especially in public. Someone would shout, "Who raised that child?" The reply came quickly, "Aw, he wasn’t raised —he just grew up!"

Being a parent is the hardest job there is... but how could bringing Heavenly Father's spirits to the earth to teach them about Him and prepare them to return to Him be easy? Why would we expect it to be easy? To me, I know that I will have to answer to Him for what I teach, and what I DON'T teach! We are told to "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." The most rewarding thing is to watch our children find out what they believe for themselves. After all... it doesn't matter what we teach, but at some time in their lives, they have to find out for themselves what they believe.

Today I watched Tallin share his testimony during testimony meeting and I caught a glimpe of the man he is becoming. He is learning that standing for right, at all times and in all places is not always easy but that it brings a lot of satisfaction. Last night he had an experience that made him dig deep and decide if he believes what he has been taught all of his life. And he came through it a better man, more compassionate, and with more integrity because he realizes that he does in fact believe. He is also learning what it means in the scripture that says, "By their fruits ye shall know them..." You cannot produce good works if you don't have a good heart! I believe that everyone is born with the light of Christ within them, but sometimes our choices drive that light away. I have always had a hard time believing that people could be dishonest or hateful, but recently I have seen that there are some that have driven away the light and choose a different path...Their fruits.... hmmmm...

But today I watched a young man, on the verge of becoming an adult testify of his love of the Lord, and share his desire to not only do good works, but help others have the same desire. As we sang Called to Serve Him.... the words seemed to fill my soul with fire and a stronger desire to always teach my children that no matter the voices that criticize or laugh, or mock... we KNOW what is important and testimonies will continue to grow because good works bring forth good fruit!! And he saw that as he was willing to share, others then had the desire to share also! Good fruit... good fruit!

1. Called to serve Him, heav’nly King of glory,Chosen e’er to witness for his name,Far and wide we tell the Father’s story,Far and wide his love proclaim.
2. Called to know the richness of his blessing—Sons and daughters, children of a King—Glad of heart, his holy name confessing,Praises unto him we bring.
Chorus Onward, ever onward, as we glory in his name;Onward, ever onward, as we glory in his name;Forward, pressing forward, as a triumph song we sing.God our strength will be; press forward ever,Called to serve our King.

Random thoughts from a confused, tired mind...

Sometimes I wake up very early in the morning when it is quiet in my house... more often than not I receive answers to prayers in the early morning hours. Sometimes I just get more questions.

I have been thinking lately about the idea of being quiverful, the idea of fertility, of having children, of not having children... if you know me, you know that I love babies. I love having babies. I love being pregnant, even when it is horrible and miserable. But, contrary to a few that have said behind my back (it's amazing how we think we can ever get away with saying something behind somebody's back... it always gets back to the person you are talking about!) that I only have them to replace the baby... that I only like babies... that is completely false. I love my kids!!! All of them. I love newborns, can never get enough of newborns, but love every single stage they go through, from babies, to toddlers, to preschool clear through high school and on into adulthood! In fact I find great joy in the journey of my children growing up and especially enjoy my teens, and finding even greater joy in my adult children. It's all pretty amazing! I love watching them discover life. I love watching them show me what they are discovering. I love watching them become adults with hopes and desires of their own.

The miscarriage has brought out many feelings that I would rather not deal with at times. Should I be done? Am I done? Do I want to be done? Thayne seems to believe that I will never feel complete and that it is my call in life to be a mom, and he thinks that because I have such a strong testimony of the role of mother that I will always have the desire to have another. I told him I am not sure that is fair to ask of me... but I know that we are an eternal part of Heavenly Father's plan, to bring His spirits to the earth. We are here to be tested, to be tried, and to find joy in the journey of becoming like the Savior, and being a mother is the greatest way to accomplish that.

But... what does that mean? I hear the 'quiverful' theory, and though it may appear that I live my life by that theory, I am not sure that I even believe it! I do not believe that the Lord expects us to go through life without making decisions... I know that the Lord is bound by natural laws. That is who He is. So if the conditions are right, you will conceive. It isn't just that it was because He wanted you to get pregnant. I believe that we are supposed to make our decisions based on thought, prayer and action... non action doesn't count. For instance, I hear about a large family on tv that says they let the Lord decide, that they are 'quiverful' minded... only she stops nursing her newborn at a certain point in order to regain her fertility. So technically she isn't leaving it open to God, because she is taking matters into her own hands! Her actions determined what she would do... choice and consequences. For the most part, I allowed my choices to dictate my consequences. But we went into having our children through thought, prayer and often fasting. We did not just say "If I get pregnant it must be meant to be..." because again, I believe that the Lord is bound by natural laws... since they are His laws, and He will not overstep and stamp out our agency! I do know however that sometimes it isn't always the case. There have been times that I shouldn't have gotten pregnant and did... but I also know that all things will work together for our good and sometimes the things we expect the least teach us the most. That doesn't mean it is always the easiest... I have never known ease to be a good teacher. Some of the greatest learning experiences came from the worst experiences. But I KNOW... I know that no matter what, ALL things work for our good if we allow it! Sometimes allowing God's will means to know when He says 'no' or even 'enough'... though that means something different for everyone! I wonder why some people I love deal with not being able to get pregnant when they want. Why do they go through that? I don't know. But I have come to know in my heart that we were sent with our own personal package of trials, and those trials are to make us become like the Savior... like our Heavenly Father. I read a quote by Orson F. Whitney that said: "No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God... and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to aquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in Heaven." I know that it doesn't matter WHAT we experience, it matters how we walk through the experience. So that means that we have to take accountability for our actions, not do nothing and say that it is God's will! I think that sometimes we are more righteous by asking the Lord what He wants us to do, and then, even when the answer is no, or maybe especially when the answer is no we need to be obedient. I think often of the blessing that my brother in law was given before he died. He did NOT want to die. He had a wife that he cherished and loved and 4 boys that he wanted to raise. At the end, he was told through a Priesthood blessing... "You have been obedient in life, now it is time to be obedient in death... well done, thou good and faithful servant!" I think more than anything that taught me that sometimes we walk through things that we don't want to go through, and that more important that being obedient when the answer is yes, we need to be obedient most especially when the answer is no! And then understand that all things will work for our good and nothing will be denied to us! I think we are in a mindset that everything must be now... when we want it, how we want it and without very much effort! In the end, isn't it more important that we hear the words, "Well done..."

I guess I am no closer to the answers I am searching for... except that I know, through the quiet whisperings of the Spirit in the early morning hours that the choices I make are mine to make. Living our lives in accordance to the Lord's will is what matters... but often the decisions are ours alone to make, and the consequences are what will make us either more like the Lord, or less... choices have consequences. Now, only if I could see the end from the beginning and know how my choices will end up!

Romo is home....

Romo escaped yesterday. Thayne took him outside before he left for work at around 3:30am and let him run around but when he brought him in the house again he was so hyper and wound up that Thayne put him in the garage. Sadly when the kids went out to get him when they got up, he wasn't there. The door had been left partially open and he was no where to be found. Which was odd since he doesn't usually venture far from home!

Everyone (as in all of the kids) whined and cried about him all afternoon and all last night. They were all so upset. The pound was closed when we called yesterday afternoon so this morning at 10am when it opened Kailee was on the phone asking about the dog!!! YEP... it sounded like they had him. He was picked up probably 2 miles from the house late last night. The little party animal!!!! Kids are jumping for joy and Thayne has been properly reprimanded for allowing the door to get opened and $87 later we have the dog that I am still not convinced I wanted, home safe and sound!!! Hyrum is thrilled and Nate was so excited he gave him hugs and kisses.

So Romo old boy... we're glad you are home... but if you do it again, I might not be so generous to go looking for you!!!!! ;)

Nate was thrilled he was home, gave him loves and hugs and let him know he would be tied up constantly if he thinks he can run off!!!