Just can't stand it...

I just can't stand not sharing this adorable picture

that Tiffany sent me a couple of days ago!

Is that not the most kissable face ever???

I haven't seen him all week because I didn't want him to

get whatever Nate had.... but I can't stand it anymore!

This picture makes me want to squeeze him!

I love this baby!

Last night Thayne asked me if I had seen this picture.

I told him of course!

And then he said,
"He is SO cute!"

Yep, he IS so cute!

SO CUTE!

He is so happy... he has the cutest personality!

And I get to babysit him this weekend

while his mom and dad go camping!

Yep...

I get my Gabe fix!

I can't wait!

Kassi was looking at the picture with me and said

she couldn't believe how much he looks like Garrett.

I tell Tiffany I am sorry she worked so hard yet

he still came out looking like his dad!

She said it's okay because she thinks his dad is cute too!

Which is the same thing I always thought about Garrett's dad too!

I was always okay that they looked so much like him...

because I really like him!

This little boy is so adorable...

And he will be all mine tomorrow....

Well, okay... I will have to share him with his grandpa

and his aunts and uncles. So the fact of the matter is...

You guys need to hurry and have another because just one cute baby

isn't enough!

The reason why I don't sleep well...

I have insomnia and it usually takes forever for me to go to sleep at night. And Thayne usually gets up at 3am to go to work. So between me going to sleep and him getting up I can hope to have around 3 hours of sleep... which is why I always hope I get back to sleep when he leaves. But it seems that I have little people that think that their dad's side of the bed is free game after he leaves. Which means very little sleep after he is gone. I woke up because the sweet boy at the bottom of the picture was sleeping on my feet. I finally got him moved over and off my feet only to have feet in my ribs from the sweet girl in the middle of the picture. I got her pushed over and got a foot right in my face by the precious little toad at the top of the picture. As I pushed his toes out of my teeth he flipped over and got comfy in the middle of all of the pillows, and I gave up and got out of bed. I did manage to get this picture before sweet Nathaniel woke up and jumped off the bed and waved at me and said, "Hi mommy!".... which makes it all better for sure! Well, almost better. I still wish I could get a nap, but with those sweet faces I guess sleep can wait until they are all grown up!!!

The more you love...

I read a quote, "The more you judge the less you love." So I figured the opposite is true too. The more you love, the less you judge! Judging... that thought has been on my mind a lot recently because of... well, because of several reasons. Reasons like a sweet girl struggling with her feelings of self doubt because her mom often judges her and leaves her doubting who she is and what her worth is. Or teen girls being judged by grown women acting like teenagers, or teenagers judging because they think that they must conform in order to be accepted and when others aren't willing to conform they treat them badly. Or a neighbor who finds offense that someone won't reach out to them, but is not willing to reach out either. Or the leader who isn't willing to deal with her own issues and takes it out on the kids who were doing nothing wrong except being there. I have read that when you judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical. It seems like those that are always screaming "judgement" are the ones that judge the most and are the most quick to think the worst of others. Why is that? Why are we so often afraid of others succeeding? Do we think that if others succeed it somehow takes away from our eternal worth? If we think the best of somebody does it make us somehow less? I read an article on forgiving and have often thought of this statement, "How presumptuous of us to feel that we have the right and the ability to judge another's motives, the intent of his heart, and to know all the events of his life that have influenced his way of thinking and behaving. How can we presume to have the right to judge and to decide who is and who is not deserving of our forgiveness?" Why do we often expect more of others than we demand of ourselves? We are the neighbor who finds offense that someone didn't walk across the street with an outstretched hand, but never walks out of our own yard to do the same? Simply because I believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ does not mean that I have perfected my life...nor do I believe I am perfect, and in fact am my harshest judge.... of myself! Because you choose to live your life differently, or the same, or somewhere in between, does not mean I am judging you for your choices. That is not how I choose to live my life. More often than not I don't even see your shortcomings, while mine are magnified to myself. I remember talking to one of my dearest friends after her husband was murdered. She talked of a church leader telling her that she must forgive, and if she didn't forgive she was guilty of the greater sin. She told me she was angry at first. But then she learned the secret, just like we all must learn the secret.... forgiving others of their sins, their shortcomings, even their abuse or their sins against us does nothing for the other person, but it makes us free! I remember watching this friend on the stand, telling the man who destroyed her world that she forgave him. And she did! She meant it. Because she had too much pain in her life to carry the pain of hate and judgement towards this man. She gave it to the One that could carry it, and who would carry out perfect judgement, and it showed in her countenance. It's like the story of the wolf... if you feed the bad, the bad grows and consumes you. If you feed the good, the good grows and consumes you. I find it sad when people spend their lives looking to be offended. I remember being told that I would be a fool to take offense where none is intended, and an even bigger fool to be offended when offense WAS intended. That isn't always easy. But truly, it isn't worth allowing offense to canker my soul. It makes me someone I don't like. It makes me someone that I don't want to be around. And since I always have to be with me... it just isn't worth being offended. When we find offense, we allow ourselves to become victims. We lose power and when we turn over our power we give permisson for others to hurt us. And that is a terrible feeling because we cannot change another person. We cannot make them want to see the best in us. It doesn't matter what the truth is... the real truth is that it is none of our business what other people think about us. It's not our burden to carry. Because if they think badly of us, it is apparent that they haven't realized they do not know us well enough to judge us. There are people that are just going to be mean. We have to love them anyway. When I was talking to the sweet girl who's mom continues to hurt her and make her doubt her worth the only thing I could really tell her is to ask the Lord to see her mom through His eyes. It works. I know this, because that very experience has changed my life. And when this same woman called a bunch of young girls names, as a mom all I could do is tell my girls to smile, to laugh it off because sadly there must be something in her life that makes her sad, and bitter and it is our responsibility to continue to love her... despite her words, or her actions. And pray that one day she sees that she also has worth and value in the Lord's eyes. We wouldn't behave that way if we understood who we are. It is sometimes hard to not be hurt. It is sometimes hard to hear that others are judging you falsely.... thinking that you think something that you do not, thinking that you are something that you are not... thinking that they don't have to reach out but expecting you to do what they will not. But that is where true joy comes in. There is only One that really has the right to judge.... and He will judge righteously. So... to my kids.... smile when you are hurting, forgive instantly, and don't assume to know why somebody is the way they are. Sometimes people are mean because they don't have enough assurance in their own lives and they still think that if someone is happy it is going to take away from them somehow. It won't. I promise! Being bitter takes so much more work than being happy. Bitterness makes you shrivel up on the inside.... it takes away from beauty and goodness. Look for the good in others. Sometimes you have to look deep, but it is there. Everyone started out the same...as a baby, who only knew good. Life sometimes causes pain and sometimes people hold onto that pain and lashes out when what they really need is love and acceptance. And if nothing else, forgive your enemies... nothing annoys them more! :) Remember... when you are judging, you are not truly loving. If we look for the best, we will find it. In the same article it said, "Every day we choose our own quality of life. Benjamin Disraeli said it beautifully: “Life is too short to be little. There are too many worthwhile causes to serve, too many great books, lectures, musicals, trips, friends, loved ones to help — too much to be little — grumbling over past painful experiences, brooding over injuries, conjuring up ways to get even, smarting over grievances until we cannot sleep. Life is too short." Life is too short to hold onto bitterness and to be judgemental... we just can't know enough to judge right. And we will be too unhappy if we try! That is why my most favorite quote is, "In all living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." When we forgive instantly, and see the best in others we will be happy! Truly happy!

2 years ago...

This has been a long 2 weeks. Just like 2 years ago on the 4th of July Nate started getting sick... and then he got sicker. Yesterday we had another doctor appointment because, while he has been on antibiotics for 2 weeks, 2 different antibiotics in fact, he got sick again this weekend. Another high fever, headache, sore throat and his throat was filled with white spots. 2 years ago they said he had coxsackie virus and would be fine... 2 years ago they were wrong and it almost cost him his life. This year she didn't even want to say coxsackie virus... but that is what it is. That, and thrush. He has such a high pain tolerance that until he is VERY ill we just don't really even know it so it's fine to burning up with fever in a heart beat. And it's scary! We never really feel completely at ease with him... like we are waiting for the other shoe to drop... is he okay, isn't he? I looked in his throat and was so overwhelmed with emotion. Maybe next year at this time he won't be sick, and we will just be able to sail through the month without thinking about it. Maybe I won't feel panic seize my heart and wonder if he is going to make it through this next illness. He is so sweet... he has the most precious spirit in him... he handles even being sick with grace. How at 2 he has such gratitude for life I will never know, but it's like he gets it. I spent the weekend reliving the life flight trip, worried about him, listening to him breathe at night, hoping that it wasn't something worse than it is, because he had been on 2 antibiotics... it's not like there are a lot of options left... he is going to need his tonsils out, which scares Thayne and me so much, because him and surgery are a scary combination. His reflux is horrible and he aspirates badly. The last surgery almost put him in the hospital because the pneumonia was so bad. I was hoping that he would be the one out that wouldn't need his tonsils out. Dr H laughed at that... because the first 14 didn't show us that he would absolutely need them out too! They are swollen, red, deformed looking and she figures he has pus pockets behind them just like all the others had, especially from the way his glands are so swollen.

Last night he finally slept peacefully though. The medication for thrush must have helped because he seemed to be in less pain. He sprawled out and even giggled in his sleep this morning. I think maybe he was laughing at the fact that the night before he had kicked Jace out of bed when he spent the night.... Jace ended up sleeping on the floor while Nate cuddled up to Caitlyn! Hey... Jace wanted him to spend the night! I will just be relieved when he starts feeling completely better!!!!

I still often look at him amazed at the miracle that he is. I think of all those that prayed for him and the miracles we saw on his behalf. I see the life in his eyes and the joy that he gets out of it and I say a prayer of thanks. I know it could have turned out so differently and I hope that we would have gotten through it with grace, and gratitude also... but we are so very grateful that he is here, and for all that we have learned because of him! 2 years ago we were waiting for life flight to come, and knowing that they didn't expect him to live. We have learned so much... grown so much because of him and find so much joy because of him!!!

Sleep Over....

Jace and Caitlyn were over at the house last night and Jace asked Nate if he was going to spend the night at their house. Nate said yes. Nate says yes quite often but when it comes to following through he backs out at the last minute, but he was ready and happy to go last night. (Jace kept telling Nate that he had a room for him when he moved out. After he got married he asked Nate when he was moving in. Nate told him, "Friday" so Friday Caitlyn asked if he was ready to move, Nate said, "Friday." She said, "It's Friday!" Without missing a beat he said, "No, tomorrow!" The next day she said, "It's tomorrow..." Without batting an eye he says, "Friday!" The idea of having his own bed and tv sounds like a great plan, but the reality of it is a little scary to him!) Kalli and Kami got to go too. We teased them that we weren't coming to get them at midnight...but it seems that they made it through. I asked if they had fun and they said they did. I asked where they slept and Nate told me with Jace and Caitlyn... Poor Jace and Caitlyn. I'll bet they didn't get much sleep because he sleeps sideways, upside down, kicks off covers... it makes for a long night! I, however, slept really well!!!! So thank you Jace and Caitlyn! The kids sure love you guys!

Met up with Kimi...

It was time to meet Kimi and pick up Wyatt and Hayden since Kimi is starting her new part time job tomorrow... she will be Teacher Kimi once again (that girl loves kids!!!) but it meant that the boys had to come home. So after church we met her half way between here and nowhere and she insisted that we take Nate with us so she could see him. Nate is funny. He adores his siblings but it's obvious that at times he isn't sure he likes that they have moved out and he spends a few minutes punishing them for abandoning him! Like yesterday when Jace and Cait come over before they went to Utah, Jace was leaving his car here for us to borrow and he asked Nate if he wanted to go out with him to get the keys.... Nate shook his head no, but let Caitlyn know that he would go with her, simply because he knew it would get to Jace. So Caitlyn asked if he wanted to go with her and he told her yes and let her pick him up. He smirked at Jace to let him know that he knew! After that he was willing to hug on him, but he had to pay him back first!!! It was the same with Kimi. He let her hold him, but he made sure she earned his hugs and kisses!!! Poor boy, it's rough to think you are the whole world! But in the end he was happy to see her... and gave her kisses, but he refused to let me get pictures of him kissing her... though he let Kimi kiss HIM for the pictures. And yes, we realize that he is a handful, and adore him anyway!!!

Love you Kimi Nichole... miss you so much and can't wait to see you again soon!!!

Nate letting Kimi give him a kiss...

Hayden thinks he is happy about going home... except that he will miss Kimi and Matt!

Kimi says that married life is still as wonderful as can be. She has really found her place in the world being Matt's wife and loves being married and having a home of her own! We are so happy for her, and so happy that she has someone as wonderful as Matt!

The drive home was... loud! What did we expect, it was Hayden and Wyatt coming home!!! But they were so excited they talked so fast about everything they did with Kimi and Matt. They love Matt as their brother in law and they love Kimi so much! They are already looking forward to when they can go again!

Triple Date....

Kassi, Kailee and Tawni decided they were going out on a triple date.... these 3 girls know how to have some serious fun and are the happiest, most fun loving girls. These girls aren't so much concerned at fitting in, but more about being happy... finding joy in their lives and spreading that joy to others and having fun with just about anything they do. They went to clean the church as a service project yesterday and it was their job to vacuum... they were about 3/4 the way around when the ran into the leader that was on the other side of the church. She asked them how they got done so fast. They told her it was because they danced to the music in their heads while they were working... and made her dance while she was working too. She told them she understood now, and that they really do know how to make anything fun! That's just how they are. And we are blessed to have them make our lives so wonderful! They have embraced the saying, "Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured!"

So they decided to ask Dax, Thayne and Brayden on a triple date so they could go up to the canyon and eat dinner. It sounds like they had a great time and thank you Kailee for taking pictures for me to blog!!!

Kassi, Tawni and Kailee under the 'Special' sign. Although I admit these girls are very special, quite likely one of a kind... I know Tawni's mom feels the same, but we are very blessed to have these girls as our daughters and our friends! Brayden, Thayne and Dax... such 'special' boys!

See what I mean..... :)

Hey Tawni....

They must be having a good time if Thayne laughing is any indication....

Dax... seems to be pondering the universe...or something!

Brayden....(who is a good man according to the bum he gave money to... a very good man!)

Kassi??? Why are you hiding?

Hey pretty Kassi....

Sitting around the campfire. They came by the house to get some wood and Dax carried a big arm load to the Excursion and then behind him comes Thayne holding one piece! It was the funniest picture. I wish I would have had the camera out for that!

Yes Kassi, your hair is gorgeous in the back too!

Summer evenings in the canyon are the best!

Thayne... not our Thayne, and yet, he really is our Thayne...

Hey Kailee.... I like your beard! ;)

Tomorrow...

Kimi asked if Wyatt and Hayden could come over and stay for a while with her and Matt. Last Sunday we met half way before church. Wyatt and Hayden were so excited to go and have had the best time visiting their big sister. Wyatt especially misses Kimi and has even been found crying at night wishing she didn't live so far away! They have gone swimming and playing and enjoyed the beach...

And I have to say this ~ We have realized while they have been gone, but with them away we actually sleep in! I know, it's horrible to say but we can sleep with those two gone!!!! Not sure if Wyatt or Hayden is to blame. But one, or both of them manage to wake this household up at really indecent hours and with them gone it is not uncommon for us to finally be rolling out of bed after 8am... sometimes closer to 9am!!! THAT is huge!!! Usually I wake up far earlier and then read or simply enjoy the silence.

But I miss those two boys. I can't believe how empty our house feels without them. Tonight there are only 4 kids home. And it is so eerily quiet... strange even. I don't really like it either. I think I need to adopt some kids to fill the silence. I keep thinking of how strange it is going to be when school starts. What is Nate going to do? I don't like how quickly time is flying by and how everyone is growing up far too fast! I don't like that there are only 11 kids living at home right now. That just isn't enough! So tomorrow we will meet Kimi and Matt again, half way from here to there to pick them up. And then we probably won't see them again until next month for Tallin's missionary farewell.... Kimi is so happy. She has settled right into married life and loves being a wife. And I am happy for her! I love that she has a beautiful home and a husband that she adores. Yet I can't help but think of the days when she was just a tiny little girl who loved her hair curled pretty with a big bow I had made to match whatever outfit she was wearing! Life just keeps going on... but by this time tomorrow night I will have 2 of my boys back! Yay! We will see which one it is that wakes us all up far too early every morning!!!!

It arrived...

We are now one step closer to Tallin's mission... his passport arrived! We are now working on getting his visa but this is one big step that needed to be out of the way. I can't believe in just over a month we will be dropping Tallin off at the MTC and sending him off to another country on the other side of the world for 2 years. We have so much to do. But this is now done....

Kinzee is home!

Kinzee spent the past couple of weeks in Utah with a friend of hers.... funny how crazy the internet world is. They used to live here and then we lost touch only for her mom and I to find each other online again and we started talking. And then Katie and Kinzee started talking. And they realized that they still had a pretty strong friendship. Katie's family came out here the weekend of the 4th for a family reunion and we had made arrangements for Kinzee to go hang out there for a few days....that turned into more than a few days. Kinzee had a BLAST!!! She not only renewed her friendship with Katie, but made new friends too and had the time of her life. They took her to a Justin Bieber concert ~whoever that is~ haha! They went to the zoo. Kinzee went to her first drive in movie! Not sure if that is a good thing...she got to see how fun it is living in a city and we don't want her to wish she didn't live in hick tow USA! After being away for almost 2 weeks, we met half way yesterday and finally brought her home! I can't believe how much I missed her, but am so glad she got to go have so much fun with her friends! Thanks Kara for having her, and thanks Katie for being such a good friend to her!!!

Kinzee and Katie doing what most teenage girls seem to be doing...taking pictures of themselves in the mirror.....

The girls got their hair done before the concert.... Kinzee had a blast!!!

Having fun in Walmart....

Loved the concert....

Looking Gorgeious Kinzee Jo!

Ready for the concert....

Kinzee and Katie ~ still great friends after all these years! :)

Random zoo pictures!

Kinzee told me she took lots of pictures of the snakes for me since she knows how much I love snakes.... gag! She was teasing... she knows I HATE snakes but she still took lots of pictures to wig me out!

Welcome home Kinzee... back to real life...but still, so glad to have you back!!!!