Missionaries

I recently ran away from home.

Just for the weekend...

and I came back home.

Actually home is my favorite place to be,

but running away is kind of fun too!

When we first got to Talitha's house from the airport

3 missionaries showed up at her house.

Everytime I see missionaries I can't help but think of my own.

It makes me happy and homesick at the same time.

It was fun to talk to them and hear them share their testimonies.

It is amazing to see how they grow up...

they leave as boys, and come back as men who have learned to give of themselves.

I got to talk to Tallin on Mother's Day.

We skype him, and for a minute it looked like the connection wasn't going to work out.

I don't know if I was just especially homesick and emotional but I thought I would have a break down before we finally got it figured out.

It was fun to hear the kids all talking to him and laughing...

they miss their brother!

It was good to hear that he was doing good.

It's hard when they are struggling and are so far away from home.

And he had been struggling.

But things seem to be going really well for him now.

While I was waiting to get on the plane in Denver,

I noticed a missionary and his dad and brother.

He had that look that missionaries seem to have when they are going home.

That look like they were happy... but mostly just at a loss that the real world is ready to barge into their bubble.

I watched him as he sat down on the plane,

and it made me smile.

I thought, as I watched him that his mom would be proud.

I could hear his conversation with the woman sitting beside him and I could tell that he had loved his mission and that while he was excited to get home,

he also didn't want to leave behind all that a mission meant to him!

I also thought how funny it is that I feel a great sense of peace when I am flying when I see a missionary on the plane.

I know it is silly... but I don't reallly like to fly!

And I tell myself that since I know those missonaries seem to have guardian angels watching over them that I must be pretty safe on the plane! :)

I realize that it is just a 'hope' that I have to make the take off and landing easier

but I am okay with fooling myself!

I love my missionary and am so grateful that he is in Fiji,

serving, and learning and growing into the man he is supposed to become!

Jeffrey R. Holland said of missionary work:

"I am convinced that missionary work is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience. Salvation never was easy. We are the Church of Jesus Christ, this is the truth, and He is our great Eternal Head. How could we believe it would be easy for us when it was never, ever easy for Him?"

Being a missionary is not easy.

It isn't supposed to be.

But I am so grateful to have the opportunity to know many missionaries.

And to be the mom of a missionary right now.

Merle Haggard concert

We found out Merle Haggard was going to be in Wendover on May 14th and quickly bought tickets months ago. Garrett and Tiffany were going with us. I asked Tiffany if she listened to his music before she met Garrett and she said she didn't know who he was before then... guess we ruined her! I love that my kids have such a love for all kinds of music, including classic country. Kailee's boss found her iPod one time and laughed at the different music on it... from classic country to classic rock and all of the new stuff too! We can go from Merle, to Pink to Rick Springfield and everything in between while we are on road trips!!!

The only problem with the concert was that it wasn't nearly long enough for us! His voice is still amazing, though he joked that he wrote a lot of those songs in his 20's at sea level and has a harder time hitting the notes now, but it was fun to be able to say we were there and his voice still takes me to a happy place. I love so many of his songs and have such happy memories of them, but Sing Me Back Home always makes me want to cry a little bit. My dad used to sing this song while we were traveling. I remember nights in the car, moving, or going to Utah to visit family and my mom would tell me to make sure dad stayed awake, and I took that 'job' very serious... so I would stay awake to make sure he did! That was back in the day before satalite radio and often there were no radio stations as we drove... and this was always one of my favorites. His voice sounded so much like Merle's and whenever I hear this song, I can hear my dad singing it!

We had a great time at the concert. And Thayne surprised me with getting a room with the big jacuzzi bathtub and we had a fun, relaxing little get away! I love being married to such a great man and I love just hanging out with him. He makes me laugh, he makes me smile, he makes life so much sweeter just because he is mine! 25 years ago I was counting down the days to become his wife. It's amazing to me that even now, I look at him and feel those same butterflies and know that nothing in life would have been as good without him in it! I love that he makes me laugh, and gives me a million reasons to smile. I am a very lucky girl!!!

Perfection!!!

I went for my 3rd follow up ultrasound appointment today.

In truth I really didn't 'need' that third ultrasound.

The first thing Thayne said to me after they said that they wanted to

follow up was that they were looking for any reason to do another one.

It's true.

They said that the vein in his head was the large side of normal last time,

nothing to worry about they told me, but they wanted to see me again...

I told them a big head for our kids is totally normal ;)

but I will take ANY excuse to see him again.

This time was probably my favorite because he was really moving

and showing off his little personality.

I asked for a picture of his face and while they were trying to get it,

he was showing us that he didn't appreciate them pushing on his little nose!

He even lifted his leg to kick at the pressure!

He has those lips, and ears and a sweet chubby face

and I cannot wait to squeeze him and cuddle him.

I wonder how it is possible to be this incredibly, ridiculously happy!

I can't get over the miracle he is!

He is breech, but that certainly doesn't matter...

And after they did the scan and took all of the results to the specialist to look at,

she finally came back into the room to tell me

that while there are no guarentees in life,

this baby is as perfect as they come!!!

Perfection!

Just the fact that he is coming to us is perfect,

but to hear that everything looks as wonderful as it possibly can

makes me want to do a little dance.

Oh wait...

I did!!!

When I came home and showed Nate the pictures

he grabbed them and said how cute his baby is,

and then, in his excitement he leaned down and kissed my belly

and told me how much he loves Noah!

Our little Noah!!!

He is a miracle.

He is a gift!

Perfection!!!

On being a mother...

Mother's Day seems to bring out the best,

and worst feelings in women...

There are women who have a mother's heart

who are not able to carry a child,

there are mother's who don't really mother at all,

there are mother's who feel that not matter what,

they are falling short.

I hear of women who hate to go to church on Mother's Day

and even women who find offense over what is said there.

There are women who feel that they are somehow less

because they are women.

Which is probably the saddest to me!

I have always felt,

the way the leaders of our Church feels,

that motherhood is the

"highest, holiest service... assumed by mankind."

I have felt that since I was young,

before I ever became a 'mother'.

Gordon B. Hinckley told us that

mothers can do more than any other group to reverse today's

sobering social trends.

And I also believe that you do not have to bear children

to have a mothers heart.

I see so many women who 'mother' my children

simply because they love them the way I do.

They demand the best from them even when I am not around.

I am thankful for the way that women nurture and love...

usually others live up to the way we treat them and expect for them to be.

Not always...

but usually it is true!
Sheri Dew has said that
"All around us are those who need to be loved and led,

nurtured and mentored.

The spiritual rewards of mothering are available to all."

I am grateful for being a mom to my kids.

I have said before that this was my only real desire in life.

It is hard sometimes, ha, let's be honest,

it is hard almost all of the time...

but it is fulfilling always!

It seems like I have always known that I would not have an

ordinary family....

I didn't know that it meant I would have an

extraordinary family!

And while I don't expect to be spoiled on Mother's Day...

it seems like the older the kids get,

the more spoiled I end up.

With a beautiful orchid

and beautiful flowers,

and well...

an iPhone!

Which totally just blows my mind!

It shows my age when I say that a Walkman used to be an exciting thing.

And now, I get to pack around a little computer....

I used to think being able to listen to music in your ear while walking

was just amazing....

and now I can have 20,000+ songs at the touch of a button!

Oh yes, life is wonderful!

I get to be a mom

AND

have an iPhone!!!

I am grateful for my mom.

For all that she has taught me...

through her example, through her faith,

and even sometimes through her trials.

She made me who I am,

gave me faith to believe in something bigger than myself.

I am grateful for Thayne's mom,

who also sacrificed to give him life.

I can barely believe that another generation is starting...

and I hope that I get to 'nurture' that generation always.

That they will know that I love them,

and that they can count on me.

Happy Mother's Day to all women who have a mother's heart!

The bassinet...

We pretty much got rid of everything for a baby after Nate

and I admit I have had a lot of fun getting new things for the new baby.

I have always loved these bassinets and now wonder

why in the world I waited to get one like it

until the 16th baby!

I wonder how it is possible to be this incredibly excited for this baby

to be born!

I went ahead and ordered the bassinet...

and it is SO cute!

It's fun to watch the kids come into the room and talk about

how excited they are for the baby to be in this now!

Nate can barely stand the excitement.

He tells me everyday how he can't wait to see his brother

in the new bed.

But then he came into my room and told me that he wishes

that he was 'this' tall

(he showed me the measuring tape at 13 inches tall!)

so he could sleep in the bed.

Last night I put him in the bassinet and he pretended to be asleep.

Yes, I know I am creating a monster.

No... I take that back,

he is already a monster!!!

But a sweet, really cute monster!

And one we can totally live with!

Living My Dream....

Some people have grand plans to save the world,

or be a fire figher or a police officer

or a doctor or nurse when they grow up.

Me? Well, my dreams weren't quite the same as some of my friends.

My dream was big...

but it was all about a BIG family.

I wanted to marry my Prince Charming,

have lots of babies,

and live happily ever ever.

I knew that happily ever after would take work,

but for as long as I can remember I dreamed those BIG dreams.

And with a house FULL of babies,

I couldn't wait to have grandbabies!

I was thinking not long ago that I have 3 married kids,

but only one grandbaby.

And let's face it... he's a doll!

There is nothing quite like having him come to me and give me loves.

The other day he was kind of sleepy and fussy

and was mad at his parents, and everyone it seems.

So I give him the sympathy that only grandma can...

tell him how bad it was for every one to be bugging him,

and he pulls a pouty face and lays his head on my shoulder and really,

just milks it for all he is worth!

That is living my dream...

being grandma to a cute kid like that!

But... I admit I wondered when those other grandbabies

would start coming!

And then we got the great news that Kimi is expecting.

I have to say I love modern technology because I don't just hear

that she is expecting...

I get a text picture on my cell phone showing me the positive test!!!

Yay Kimi,

Because we know how excited she is to become a mommy!

So I am thrilled and already thinking about how Christmas time will be busy

and I am glad that our own sweet baby will be a little bigger

so I can help her out.

And then...

after hoping for a long time now...

I get yet another message,

and funner still,

a picture of the positive test

and an excited phone call from Garrett

letting me know that on Gabe's second birthday

they are expecting #2!

So we will be getting a new baby in July to keep filling our house,

and another sweet grandbaby in December,

and then another in January.

Talk about living your dream!!!

I feel like the blessings of heaven are falling down all around us!

More babies to love...

More babies to hug on, to spoil...

our love has grown,

multiplied!!!

Oh... I love it when dreams come true!!

Nate's tonsils are out...

We knew this was coming... even though we tried really hard to avoid it it had gotten to the point of either doing it, or living on antibiotics, which wasn't really an option. His immune system is pretty much nonexistent! The minute he went off antibiotics he would get strep or tonsillitis again. We decided to take him over to our hometown because we really trust the doctor that would take them out. We saw him on Friday and he said it was pretty cut and dry, get them out. His tonsils are horrible and his adenoids are huge! Might even be the reason he has apnea. So we scheduled it for Wednesday but I was scared. We haven't exactly had an easy time with him and surgery and I dreaded this one most of all. Monday night Thayne, Garrett and Jace gave him a Priesthood blessing that promised him a smooth surgery and a quick and easy recovery. Which made me feel much better about it... but still hated to see him have to go through it. Thayne had also given me a blessing that said told me that Nate would be watched over and that the hands of the doctor would be guided. So, I shouldn't have been surprised when my favorite nurse peaked her head in the door to let us know that the surgery had gone well and that the doctor's hands just flew. When he mentioned how quickly the surgery went, after telling us it would be much longer, I didn't tell him it was the legion of angels that seem to watch out for Nathaniel!

He slept most of the way home and slept through the night until 3am. I got him to drink some juice but he didn't want to take his medicine. I asked Thayne to give it to him before he went to work but Nate still wouldn't take it. So Willie and I had to hold him down and force him this morning and after that, he has either napped or been up going about life as usual including insisting on pushing a little shopping cart at the store today.

I know this needed to be done and I am so very grateful for how well it went and how his recovery is going so far. I hope that this gives his body time to be free of the infection and that we can have a happy, healthy summer with him gaining his strength back!!! Getting ready to go to the operating room...Sweet little man cuddling on his daddy's chest while he is trying to wake up from the anesthisia.

Pictures from Fiji...

It's strange that some days I don't think about how far away Tallin is from us, and just feel at peace that he is doing what he is supposed to be doing and other days it feels like he is so far away I can't breathe. I am happy that he is there, but sometimes, especially when I know he is struggling a bit. Tuesday I ran over to Salt Lake for doctor appointments and orthodontist appointments and we went to eat after and saw a couple of Elders sitting outside waiting to go in. While we were eating a group of 10 Elders came in and sat at the table right next to us. I heard them laughing and talking the way carefree teens who happen to have a purpose seem to do. I had been really missing Tallin, worried about him and feeling like he is a million miles away... and it was like the Lord sent this group of missionaries to the very place I would be to let me know the He is aware of how hard it can be, and that Tallin is alright, and that He is aware of us all. And I felt better!!! It was fun to watch little kids as they were leaving with their parents yell out to the missionaries saying, "Hi Elders!" or "Bye Elders!" and I knew that somewhere around the world little ones are yelling the same thing to MY Elder! It just so happened that I got a disc full of pictures from Fiji also and I loved looking at them and seeing what an amazing opportunity he is able to have!!! What a gorgeous place! What a wonderful chance for him to serve others, to give of himself and to become a most amazing man!! We are about a quarter of the way there... I know that the days are flying by and I know that I will continue to feel peace whenever I get a little too homesick, because I know that he is where he is supposed to be, and I am grateful that he is!!!

Easter

Easter was wonderful this year.... really wonderful! It was one of those days when you have to be grateful for all of the little things that make life so good. Jace, Caitlyn and Kassi were all speaking in Sacrament meeting and it was just wonderful! It was Caitlyn's first big talk and she did so well. Sunday Jace gave a talk in Sacrament about the Savior. He bore such an amazing testimony of the atonement and the gift that He gave to all of us, and he shared part of Bruce R. McConkie's talk about the Savior...

I can barely even read it or think too deeply about the pain that the Savior suffered as He took our sins, our pains, our fears upon Himself... but I am so thankful that there is One that can carry everything for us, who knows how to overcome all things!

We do not know, we cannot tell, no mortal mind can conceive the full import of what Christ did in Gethsemane.

We know he sweat great gouts of blood from every pore as he drained the dregs of that bitter cup his Father had given him.

We know he suffered, both body and spirit, more than it is possible for man to suffer, except it be unto death.

We know that in some way, incomprehensible to us, his suffering satisfied the demands of justice, ransomed penitent souls from the pains and penalties of sin, and made mercy available to those who believe in his holy name.

We know that he lay prostrate upon the ground as the pains and agonies of an infinite burden caused him to tremble and would that he might not drink the bitter cup.

We know that an angel came from the courts of glory to strengthen him in his ordeal, and we suppose it was mighty Michael, who foremost fell that mortal man might be.

As near as we can judge, these infinite agonies—this suffering beyond compare—continued for some three or four hours.

After this—his body then wrenched and drained of strength—he confronted Judas and the other incarnate devils, some from the very Sanhedrin itself; and he was led away with a rope around his neck, as a common criminal, to be judged by the arch-criminals who as Jews sat in Aaron’s seat and who as Romans wielded Caesar’s power.

They took him to Annas, to Caiaphas, to Pilate, to Herod, and back to Pilate. He was accused, cursed, and smitten. Their foul saliva ran down his face as vicious blows further weakened his pain-engulfed body.

With reeds of wrath they rained blows upon his back. Blood ran down his face as a crown of thorns pierced his trembling brow.

But above it all he was scourged, scourged with forty stripes save one, scourged with a multithonged whip into whose leather strands sharp bones and cutting metals were woven.

Many died from scourging alone, but he rose from the sufferings of the scourge that he might die an ignominious death upon the cruel cross of Calvary.

Then he carried his own cross until he collapsed from the weight and pain and mounting agony of it all.

Finally, on a hill called Calvary—again, it was outside Jerusalem’s walls—while helpless disciples looked on and felt the agonies of near death in their own bodies, the Roman soldiers laid him upon the cross.

With great mallets they drove spikes of iron through his feet and hands and wrists. Truly he was wounded for our transgressions and bruised for our iniquities.

Then the cross was raised that all might see and gape and curse and deride. This they did, with evil venom, for three hours from 9:00 a.m. to noon.

Then the heavens grew black. Darkness covered the land for the space of three hours, as it did among the Nephites. There was a mighty storm, as though the very God of Nature was in agony.

And truly he was, for while he was hanging on the cross for another three hours, from noon to 3:00 p.m., all the infinite agonies and merciless pains of Gethsemane recurred.

And, finally, when the atoning agonies had taken their toll—when the victory had been won, when the Son of God had fulfilled the will of his Father in all things—then he said, “It is finished” (John 19:30), and he voluntarily gave up the ghost.

It just turned out to be one of those days that felt so good... when everything felt wonderful. I am so grateful for my family and the blessings that have come because of them!

Tanner even helped Nate dye eggs after dinner...

Somehow the Easter Bunny found his way to our house while we were at church and it looked like an explosion of candy happened all over the living room!

Gabriel is telling grandma, "Cheeeese!"

My little man... oh how I love this face!!!!

I am thinking that a lot of candy will slowly disappear over the next few days...

2 of my favorite little guys... they had matching suits for Easter!

Checking out the candy... wayyyyyyyyyy too much candy!

5 of the most amazing boys EVER!!!

All dolled up in their new Easter dresses...

My girls... who always brighten my day! I feel so blessed to feel of their amazing spirits and to just be in the same room with them. There is rarely a dull moment when they are around. They have taught me more than I will have ever taught them!!!

I love to see the temple...

This trip to the temple has been planned for a while now...

it is something that we have looked forward to,

something I looked forward to so much.

It was going to be a very special time

with my teenagers,

and with Caitlyn and Jace.

A youth temple trip to the Salt Lake Temple.

It's funny that my only real desire for my kids

is like the scripture in the Third Epistle of John that says,

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth."

And to know that they are doing all they can to be worthy

to enter the temple of God

is truly the greatest joy of all.

It always seems like there is opposition to the good,

and special things that you are planning and this was no exception.

It was like the devil himself was trying to keep us

from the work,

the experiences

we looked forward to there.

It seemed like every road block,

every atttitude,

every reason you could think of came up before we left.

But once we walked inside the temple,

it all went away.

It was powerful from beginning to end.

It started with the youth,

and leaders

meeting in the tiny chapel

and singing

He Is Risen.

How much more appropriate could it be

than to sing about the Risen Lord

on Easter weekend.

To hear our bishop,

and the temple worker

share their testimony of Jesus Christ

and

know the importance of being inside the temple.

Thayne had been worried about being able to do the baptisms

because of his back.

I believe we witnessed a miracle as I watched him perform the baptisms.

He said the strength he felt was overwhelming.

To see my children doing baptisms

was beautiful, amazing!

To feel the spirit of the Lord took away every worry and every care

and made me look at my life from an eternal perspective.

It gave me hope, and joy, and peace,

and an incredible feeling of love for my family.

Our bishop talked about being at his youngest sisters wedding,

where for the first time his mom had all of her kids in the temple.

And how she was beaming the entire day.

That... THAT is my ultimate dream!

I can understand that joy in a small degree

sitting with my husband and seven of my kids inside the walls

of one of the most beautiful places on earth.

If that isn't heaven,

I don't know what is!

I look forward to the day that I have a picture of every single one of my children ready to go inside the temple of the Lord.
The bishop talked about always living your life in a way that you can enter the temple...
that is, more than anything else in life, the thing I hope for the most for my children.
There is joy in choosing the right,
you can see it in the faces of the youth who are trying hard to do what is right.


Big brother is going to make you smile if you won't do it on your own! :)

There truly is beauty everywhere around the temple...

Wyatt...