ARGH!!! I hate the first week of summer!!!

I woke up with a migraine this morning! Maybe it's because I didn't really wake up, since I am not sure I even went to sleep for real last night! Nate was really fussy last night which is completely out of character for him. I thought he was getting sick but he got up fine and happy as could be this morning. Kami came in about midnight and asked if she could sleep in my bed. I tried to convince her that if she wasn't going to sleep in her own bed, to sleep on the couch. She was having nothing to do with THAT plan! I wasn't even in bed yet so by the time I got there she was sprawled out on my side while Thayne was smack in the middle of the bed. I'm not sure when Hayden showed up and climbed in on Thayne's side because of a 'nightmare' (I'm not buying it! lol). So I am cramped, and uncomfortable. I moved Kami to the floor with a big, warm, fuzzy blanket. That lasted just long enough for me to think I was going to fall asleep. She had to sleep pressed against my back. Didn't matter where or how many times I moved her. Nate's monitor kept going off and he was fussy, wouldn't eat before bed. So I finally put him in bed to nurse him to sleep. He was happy with that. I wasn't, because now I had a baby in the front and a 3 year old clinging to my back. I kept kicking the quilts down because I was hot, but then would get cold. There was no winning last night. This morning, I was so hot from the quilt and Kami was still smashed against me and I hear her mumble, "Mama, your bumbum is HOT!" That is probably the only humorous thing I will have heard all day!!!!

Then I hear my usually emotionally stable 15 year old fighting with the 11 year old over CEREAL!!! Yes, FOOD!!! My 8 and 9 year old boys are downstairs fighting about, well, I am not even sure I know what they are fighting about. I put them both on the bed. My 6 year old sounds like she is starting the melt down she has at least once a day. Let's hope it is only ONCE today! Not to mention that at the moment it is 49 degrees, but at least it says it will be mostly sunny... which is a big jump from the SNOW we had yesterday! If I hear, "MOM... can you tell..." one more time today I think I will explode! My head is still throbbing. I need to shower and get over to the video store and I still have a mountain of laundry to fold and put away and another mountain to wash. It usually takes a couple of weeks for everyone to settle into a routine but I am not sure my sanity will last that long! My heart is aching over my 18 year old, but that would be a whole other post I am not sure I am ready to write!

Oh, the joys of summer! From 6am on I hear, "Can I have a popcycle, can I have a treat, can I have milk, can I have.... " fill in the blank! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA, the joy of being a mother!!! Is it Friday yet? I need a date night!!! Of course tomorrow is our 22nd anniversary so it better be a REAL date night!! I can't believe that 22 years ago today I was waiting to marry my best friend. I was so excited. I was so naive! :P Who knew having kids would be the greatest gift, and the greatest challenge???!!! Who knew that it was possible to love somebody so completely that it feels like breathing to be with them!

I guess it's time I find something to eat so I can take something for this migraine before it puts me down for the count!!! Wish me luck!!!

Sometimes life is just tragic...

And there is nothing you can do about it. I went to a funeral today. For a 6 year old boy. To see the casket that small is heart wrenching. We know the grandparents, who basically raised him. They were in so much pain. His 15 year old sister was driving the car. She barely had her learner's permit. It was at about 1:30am and another kid that we know had serious head and neck injuries. There is peace in the gospel and knowing that he is fine. But even with the peace, there is the matter of living day by day without him. Isn't that always the case? You can know and believe something with all of your heart but living it is something completely different. I know when I am struggling with severe depression I feel like there are two of me. One has absolute hope, absolute faith in the Savior and the atonement and all that I know is very real and true. But the flesh is weak. While my soul is happy, my body is aching. It makes no sense, but makes absolute sense just the same.

The same day this little boy was killed in the accident, there were 2 other accidents on the intersection we have to cross all of the time. It's only a matter of time before somebody is killed there. I always hold my breath when I know my kids are driving through it. Anytime I see the lights and hear the sirens I take a mental tally on where everyone is. I don't relax until they are all accounted for. There was peace in knowing I could lock the door at night and know that all of my children are tucked safely into bed. That doesn't happen very often anymore. I never believed I could hurt for one of my own so much. We are watching one of our children go through some personal struggles. Fighting his own demons right now. If I let myself think too deeply I would curl up in a ball and cry. My heart aches every minute of the day for him. I can't reach him. I can't fix things for him. He has the ability to hurt me more than I believed possible. Children, at times, are horrible for your self esteem, even when you know they are way off base. I have always wondered, even as a teenager, why we all too often make life complicated. I guess my problem is that I see the world in black and white. I always have. I used to say the words, "I have to learn on my own" to my parents but even as I said them, I never, ever believed them. I listened to them and learned from them. And though I might at times walk through shades of gray, you will never hear me justify my mistakes, because again, I believe that life is black and white and it's only my imperfections that make the shades of gray happen. Believing that everything will work out fine doesn't mean that living in the moment isn't a horrible and painful thing at times. I used to have people tell me when I had 6 kids 5 and under to wait until they were all teens. I would shrug it off and wonder how it could be harder.... those 6 kids were not easy. I didn't sleep in years. I actually really enjoy my teens and my adult children (that seems so weird... I went to lunch with Garrett the other day and he carried Nate in and I had this weird flash back when I realized that this was Thayne 21 years ago!!!). But it is SO much harder emotionally to have teens. It was physical work when I had little ones. It is mentally and emotionally hard to be the mom of older kids. You can't control them. Really you wouldn't want to because it is good to watch them grow and learn on their own. But they go through some really hard stuff and there are some things they just have to walk through themselves! Oh to still know everything we thought we knew at 21. I recently had a conversation with my 21 year old. I finally told him that he simply does not have enough life experience to tell me how to parent his siblings... so when he has a few of his own, come back and tell me how it's working for him!!! :)

Here's where the 'life is to be enjoyed, not just endured' comes in. There are lots of moments that try our souls. There are terrible moments that stretch us beyond what we think we are capable. But there are those sweet moments in between that we need to remember to just enjoy. Because we never know when it will be taken away from us. I was watching Nathaniel sleep in my arms yesterday and his little face was so sweet and so amazing. I thought to myself of how I wanted to remember that moment forever, take a snapshot in my mind and keep it in my heart. Because overnight they grow up. Overnight they change before our eyes and we can never get those moments back. It broke my heart to see this family have to bury their sweet little boy. It made me want to come home and hug my own 6 year old, and hug them all a little deeper, a little longer. It makes me want to remember all of the sweet, precious times. Because we never know when our time is up!

Stupidity of Youth!

I shouldn't be surprised, but there are times when it hits me all over again how 'dumb' teenagers are. And put a bunch of them together and dumb doesn't even begin to describe it! Even really good kids, in the right setting simply lack the common sense it takes to make rational decisions. WHY? I wish I knew.

Thayne and I had just gotten home from dinner and a movie. Thank goodness we were home when the stupidity took place! Kinzee had gone down to bed. I was feeding Nate and all was calm and quiet. Until.... until we heard the most horrible scream you could imagine. Kinzee came running upstairs, shaking, crying and screaming. We finally got her to tell us what happened. There was a face in her window. Not just a face, but somebody in black with their hands and face pressed against her basement bedroom window. You know the kind... where they have to climb down into it and look in. She was completely freaked out.

Thayne and Jace immediately grabbed flashlights and ran outside. I was in front as they ran around the back but nobody was there. Thayne is barefoot and still headed down the road to where I could hear neighbor kids and a bunch of their friends. By the time Thayne got there it was silent and no kids were to be seen. But I had heard them and knew who it was. Jace drove around the road behind our house. The only problem was, there was an incident at work that left Thayne a little bit freaked out and we decided since no kids were around that we better call the police in case this had anything to do with the incident. By now Thayne is just MAD. Don't mess with his family. This isn't just an innocent prank. What they did was against the law! So he walked down to the house and this time found about a dozen kids (all kids of our friends) and he let them know that what happened was not okay. They admitted it was them and came down to apologize. Thayne talked to the dad, who was fuming too. I almost feel sorry for what they will be facing when they get home. The deputy also found them and took names, birthdays and phone numbers and let them know that they were hitting curfew and they BETTER not be out past then. Hmmmmm... just goes to show that smart kids can turn really stupid when they don't take time to think about their actions. Well, isn't that true for adults too!!!???!!!

Let's just say that there are a lot of sleeping bags upstairs tonight!!!

The DMV....

There is no place in the world that can bring people from every walk of life together like sitting in the DMV. There is also no place in the world that can be more infuriating than the DMV. Today I got to once again experience the.... um.... joy of sitting in the DMV. There was the silver haired grandma who looked like she wanted to cry when they told her she could register her vehicle on the computer (what??? a computer? How do I use the computer?) or the gangster wanna-be who had to keep pulling up his pants and giving us all a wonderful view of his underwear. Or the guy sitting next to me that is now my new best friend, complete with mohawk, piercings and the nude woman tattoo on his arm but asked oh so politely if he could borrow my pen. There was also the new dad (who also borrowed my pen) excited about his 5 week old child. And the kid who had something poking out of both sides of his lip that reminded me of a catfish somehow! There was the lady with the walker there to get her handicap sticker and the two guys trying to get their license reinstated (I didn't even want to know what they did to lose it in the first place. From the looks of them I could probably guess... except you can't always judge them by their appearance!) There was the clean cut businessman, several construction workers, an old cowboy with a nice, big belt buckle and an old hippie. There was the grumpy 60 something woman who chewed out the workers for allowing somebody to go to the front of the line (hey, they had a pass!)... and let me tell you about the line. Several months ago somebody there came up with the brilliant idea to make two rows of chairs.... long rows! You sit on the last chair available and then as they call somebody up, everyone gets up and moves. Imagine musical chairs, only there is no music, and no running around to keep your chair... just an endless row that goes on and on and everyone shuffling to the front of the room.

Another really fun thing is to see government in action... Everyone WILL take their break even if there are 75 people standing in line! They did and there were! Yep, when we walked in there were 6 women at the counters. Within a 30 minute time period we moved ONE chair and 4 of them went on break while 2 stood in the same cubby helping each other!

Another entertaining thing is to watch the faces of those that walk into the DMV during this time. Some expressions are utter shock and dismay. Still others who haven't been in since they changed to the music chair routine walk in circles for several minutes trying to figure out where they are supposed to be. Some are full of fear because they only have so long to be there and they look at their watch a million times, sometimes to have to turn around and leave when they realize that only one person has been helped in 30 minutes! Some show nothing but anger and disgust. It feels kind of like being in grade school. And then you FINALLY get up to be helped and the women there usually treat you like you are in grade school.

So, we FINALLY make it to the front of the line. After signing my name on several documents I am told to go back and get in line again........ YES... I AM SERIOUS! And the line is twice the size of when we got there the first time and waited 2 hours to get through. I get back in line and wait, and wait. Finally Garrett shows up and asks if I want to take the kids and go and he will wait in line. I say YES... YES.... YES!!!

For what reason did I suffer through such torture you might ask? Well... today Kailee is officially 15 and a half! In this state, being 15 and a half is very special. Because it is the day you can get your learners permit! So, I gladly took my punishment so I can proudly say that my 6th child is now learning to drive! Remind me to call my doctor and get something to help with the nerves!!!!!!!!!!

Congratulations Kailee!!!!

Time flies, whether we're having fun or not!

I just realized that we only have a day and a half left of school! Ummm.. when did that happen and who said the year could be almost half over already? Maybe it is because life is so extremely busy that the days blend into each other and then months and then another year has passed us by. We have so many half done projects that it makes me want to scream. A couple of weekends ago Thayne started one project (finishing the last bedroom downstairs) only to realize that before he could do that, he had to fix our bathroom floor. So he tore up the carpet, put a new subfloor in, tiled the bathroom and moved on. (Which is actually kind of impressive when you consider he tore up the old floor, built a new one and we went to town, picked out the tile and he got it completely finished... except for the trim... I have some real issues with unfinished trim. It has been a year and I am STILL waiting for the trim to be finished in my kitchen and living room. It's a constant thorn in my side... why, why, why do we have such a problem finishing trim in this house??? And can I mention that at least 2 of my sons at any given time are working for a contractor building houses???!!! UGH!) Of course we desperately need new carpet in the 3 bedrooms upstairs. We were even going to get new carpet. But the money we were going to use to do that was needed to get us into a new vehicle since we have too many people needing rides to work, and not enough vehicles to get us all there. I can keep dreaming! I may have to do it one room at a time, which of course in the end will cost more money, but it may be the only way it actually gets done. And don't get me going on the deck. It only took us 11 years of being in this house to get it going. It's framed now. Please tell me it won't take another 11 years to actually finish it! I have decided that by the time I have my home done, I will have no children left at home. I"ll just use the rooms to enjoy my grandchildren by then I suppose! Or something! :) Maybe when it is all finished I will just wander from room to room (and then onto the deck) and smile knowing it took most of my life to get it done! Or maybe I will just move and forget all about it!

Speaking of moving. Before Nate was born Thayne was offered a new job in Utah. We kept it quiet because we didn't know what we were doing. But the kids had said something to a friend that had moved to Utah who then said something to somebody here (you know the drill... rumors, rumors and more rumors, though to be fair, Thayne actually enjoys rumors and figures if a new one hasn't been started he should just start them himself! Weird!) and it seemed like everyone was asking if we were moving. That was in December! Yesterday I saw a lady that I haven't talked to in months, comes into the video store to rent a movie and asks if we are going to stick around or if we were moving. HUH? It's been 6 months, we are still here. A little behind on the rumors! Guess it's time to start some new ones! :) haha And speaking of work.... (my mind wanders, what can I say!) Thayne brought home 3 certificates that were given to him at work with $200 of chamber checks on each. Yes, that equals $600 in chamber checks, which are like money that you can spend in a number of stores in the community. But that isn't the funny thing. The funny thing is what the certificates said. They had sent Thayne out to recruit guys from his old company to come to work for him. 3 of the 5 or so he talked to came to work for him. The 'certificate of award' said it recognized him for "soliciting and recruiting employees from ********** and volunteering numerous hours to convince employee to come work for *******. Thank You! ****** wishes to Thank You for helping fulfill our company's vision and values." I guess I am in a strange mood because I found that really funny. I can't complain because it is an extra $600 which I will promptly use for groceries!

Ugh... adult children can make a person crazy. I guess I don't have to wonder anymore why it seems at times that my mom has lost her mind. I'm well on the way! And that's all I am going to say about THAT tonight!!! :)

The days have flown by and another summer is almost upon us. I am actually looking forward to it. Remind me that I said that when I have a half dozen kids standing around telling me they are bored!

My little man graduates from preschool

I don't usually get really emotional as my kids reach milestones in their lives. I am usually just excited for them and love watching them grow and experience life. But my little Hyrum is mama's boy. He's been a mama's boy since birth and loves to tell people that he is mama's boy. I turned to watch him walk into the room in his cap and gown and the tears came. Maybe it is because I was a young (very young) mom when my older boys graduated from kindergarten and I realize that by the time he graduates from high school I will likely be a grandma a few times over. Or maybe it's because I know that while he says he will always be my boy and never cause me any stress, I know that just by growing up, there will be stress... :) or maybe it's just because he still loves to get into his soft warm jammies at night and runs to me for cuddles because I LOVE cuddle jammies! Maybe I was just being sentimental that day and while I love having my babies grow up, I really HATE having my babies grow up!!! Who knows... but he was as serious as could be and didn't even want to give me a smile during the ceremonies! I'll try not to blink because when I do, he will be graduating from high school!!!

8th grade social...

Kassi has waited and waited for the 8th grade social. She has been excited about going to this first 'big' dance for years! She's kind of a social butterfly so that might be the reason. She also loves to dress up and look pretty and what better excuse than a dance! Kassi is the most amazing, beautiful young woman and I am so grateful to be her mom!!!

We just monkey around!

Most of the time I feel like I live in a very crazy zoo. So it seems right that Nathaniel's most favorite toy is a MONKEY! Thayne brought me the monkey home from the airport in New York while he was stuck in a snow storm. It makes this awful screeching noise but Nate loves it. He grabs it from us and wraps his arms around it. He sleeps peacefully with it at night.

It's amazing how quickly he is growing. I can't believe he is already 5 months old. And yet it feels like he has been a part of our family forever. I can't help but think of the miracle of his life everytime I look at him. And I think the rest of the family feels the same because there isn't a day that goes by that somebody isn't found just staring at him, telling him how much we love him. I was putting pictures into an album the other day. Some of them were of the day that he was sent by life flight to Primary Children's Hospital. He looked so sick that day. And the feelings came rushing back, all of the feelings I was feeling that day. A nervousness that wouldn't let me relax, a fear that left me wondering if I would have to say good bye to this incredible little boy. What a great blessing to have him here with us, to watch him grow. To be blessed with his incredible smile... and he is always smiling. He can light up a room with his smile.

I guess living in a zoo is a good thing... Hanging out with monkeys is at least entertaining and brings me lots of joy!!!!

Pity Date.... :)

Jace jokingly called his date to the prom with Caitlyn a pity date... to which Caitlyn replied it sure was... she had pity on him and let him take her!!! Of course it is her senior year and she should go to her last prom. I didn't get to go to my last prom. Thayne and I were engaged and going to be married the day after graduation and we were both working but I would have liked a pity date!!! haha! He didn't rent a tux this year (he did the previous 2 years) but they still looked nice and had a good time.

Hayden's Baptism Day!

We always look forward to 8th birthdays in our house! 8 is the age of baptism and we look forward to it for months before it happens. Hayden's great day was Saturday May 3rd. His dad got to baptize him and it was wonderful. He was confirmed a member of the Church the next day. I can't believe he is 8! Time sure flies and these kids grow up so quickly. It's not fair!!!

We did manage to get everyone to stand together for a picture but we had tongues sticking out and other strange faces going on, but hey, it was all 17 of us and you really can't blame the faces since there were tons of people standing around staring as if we were some kind of side show at the circus! :)