Curves

It's official... I went back to work at Curves. It will only be 2 days a week, Thursday nights and Friday mornings, just enough to make me feel like I am doing something good, without it feeling like just another thing on my to do list! I forgot how much I love working with these wonderful women and watching them achieve their goals! I am hoping that it gets me back in a good place, where I am in shape again. The last 2 years have done something to me that I cannot stand. It isn't me. And I am tired of it. So it's time to work on getting in shape and feeling good and finally losing this weight! I know it's bad because I cannot even stand getting a picture taken. I can't stand the weight that seemed to just show up on it's own... I know that the stress and worry and pain of the last crazy 2 years have done it to me, but it's time to take back my life! So Curves it is. It worked so great before and I am hoping it works great again!!!

You know you want to know...

You know you have always wondered exactly what it would look like if you were so busy running that you got several days behind on the laundry and then when you try to go down and catch it up you realize that the washing machine is no longer working so you are forced to take all of the clothes to the laundromat and you had to use every single washing machine in the place and people came in looking for a washer and stared at you because you are the only one in there and there are no empty machines...

Come on, admit it, you HAVE wondered!

But don't wonder anymore... this is what it looked like!

But the positives are that 3 of my amazing daughters hauled them all in and washed them and had a blast doing it, but then these are girls that can have a blast doing almost anything!

Of course I got the pleasure of folding it all, but in truth it took less than 2 hours and nobody stuck around because they thought they would have had to fold with me! This of course doesn't count the 4 baskets of socks to match but those just went in my closet because I refused to do them on my birthday weekend!

The other positive is that Thayne is taking the washer out to the garage to strip it down, clean it really good and fix it. And I was forced to go in and order my new set... my shiny red set that I have lusted after in my heart for years... and they will be delivered on Tuesday and then, when Thayne has my other washer fixed I will finally again have 2 sets! Some girls have their hearts set on gold, diamands and pearls...

But not me!

I only want to have 2 working washers and dryers!

See how easy to please I am!!!

And still more...

For no other reason except that I can... and I want to! We have so much fun with this sweet baby boy! He's growing fast and I watch him and just want to hold onto this wonderful time because before I know it, he will be running around with Nathaniel! He had some big smiles for me but I couldn't find my camera and once I did he acted like it was too bad I missed the Kodak moments!!! It's so fun to be able to have him in our home and the kids love being able to take care of him.... poor baby has had a sick belly but he's still sweet and is very content being held all of the time. Which makes it hard for his mommy to get anything done during the day... although we would be willing to come and hold him while she works!

His lips are movie star quality and he already knows how to pout to get his way! :)

See..............

We love this sweet face! We feel so blessed to have him. Gabe and grandpa's favorite activities is falling asleep while they are supposed to be watching tv. There's nothing better than a baby to snuggle and we love to snuggle this little guy!

2 is better than 1....

I have always liked having my birthday the day before Valentines day... because you know that there was always going to be a party at school... and there are 2 days to celebrate instead of just one! Yesterday I received a box and when I opened it, I found the most beautiful chocolate covered strawberries....there were white chocolate with coconut, milk chocolate with nuts, milk chocolate with chocolate chips, white and milk chocolate.... oh they were yummy! They were beautiful, but the great thing was that the strawberries were HUGE, and they were so sweet and yummy! And today another box showed up. Out came 3 dozen of the most beautiful, long stemmed red roses! They are beautiful! My sweet husband gave me some of my favorite things... roses, chocolate and strawberries. I smile everytime I look at them!

Keeping Gabe...

Have I mentioned lately how grateful I am to have such an amazing daughter in law like Tiffany??? :) She is such a blessing to our family in so many ways... but I have to say that the fact that she shares this precious little boy with us makes me love her even more. She works at the video store that I manage and she lets me take this little man so he can come to our house and play while she is working! The second we walk in the door with Gabe, Nate pounds his chest and says, "Me, Mine!" He will share him, but only if you ask! We have to ask him if anyone can touch him, look at him or hold him! He always says yes, but you definately have to ask!!!

This little boy has added so much to our family. I love to watch the way the kids love him. They talk about him all of the time, they think he is so wonderful. They love life, they really do! I went to a Relief Society Meeting on Tuesday night, I was teaching a class but I was definately taking Gabe with me! I felt like a kindergartener taking my first show and tell! It was fun showing him off and bragging about being a grandma! We love this little man....

Love this sweet little face...

Sweet boy....

Jace showing Gabe the fan... Jace scoops him up and talks about all the wonderful ways he is going to teach him to torture his dad... you gotta love uncles! And the love between brothers! haha!

What a face!!!

Nate loves to help 'feed' Gabe.

Let out our breath...

The power of prayer is amazing...

I think of how often I had an army of people praying for us when Nate was sick. I remember how the nights were, how alone I felt, and yet... just when it got the darkest I could often literally feel something warm wrap me up, and there was hope again.

We have prayed so hard this weekend that today would bring good news.

We kind of felt like we were holding our breath, like we almost didn't dare hope again for another miracle. We have been blessed with so many miracles. Isn't it amazing that even when we have seen so many, the Lord still hears us and He is willing to grant us even more?

Rhyan saw the surgeon today. My poor sister couldn't sleep and though she had felt peace over the weekend the panic set in last night and she was scared. We all were.

Today the surgeon went over the blood and x-ray results and they looked clear.

He said he has felt a lot of lumps before, and that these feel benign!!!

Tomorrow they will still perform the biopsy simply because of the family history. But he sees nothing to worry about!

Maybe it wasn't anything at all. Maybe it was just a fluke that they found the same lump in the same place as his dad found his. Maybe it was a coincidence or something else.

But I am willing to believe that it is something more. I believe that the power of prayer changed the outcome of this day. I believe that we have seen miracles. I know it!

Gabe's blessing day...

What a day this has been. I can't believe the depth of emotions this day has brought out... today Gabriel was blessed by his dad. How could I not go back to the day my first son was blessed by his dad.... Thayne had just recieved the Melchizedic Priesthood the week before. Garrett was born on Thursday and we blessed him on Sunday, at 3 days old because my dad was going to Alaska and had wanted to be there. It was so new to Thayne and he was so nervous that I could hear his voice shaking. But he was so happy to have a son and he did such a great job. I think about how far our lives have come... the gospel was so new to Thayne, and he was so nervous that day. Yet the way he has lived his life, as a husband, as a father, he has lived his life so that today, when they held Gabe and Garrett gave him a name and a blessing, he was sure, confident and I couldn't help but think why... because of the example of his dad, he learned to love the Lord, and to honor the Priesthood that he holds. Isn't that the way it should be? Shouldn't we take what maybe wasn't so wonderful, and start fresh... and give each new generation a step up, to be better than we are. Thayne loves the Savior, and he has used the Priesthood to accomplish miracles as the Lord has allowed and he has taught his boys to do the same! And today, I once again witnessed what always takes my breath away... honorable men who love the Lord took this sweet baby boy in their arms. What a powerful thing it is to see. I thought about how many times in the past I have seen the power of the Priesthood in action, calling down the powers of heaven to bless our lives, to move mountains. And again today... I felt the love of my Heavenly Father and felt so blessed for the knowledge of the Savior, and His atoning sacrifice in my life. I saw my son hold his son in his arms and bless him. I saw the man that stole my heart 24 years ago walk up with 3 of his sons to stand in the circle to bless our first grandbaby. Who would have thought 23 years ago when Thayne held Garrett in his arms that we would be standing here now, with this family... that we would got through so many ups and downs, and yet, because we have each other we can make it through. The knowledge that our family can be forever, that we can watch generation after generation grow and become so much stronger, and better than we are is amazing to me! We are so grateful that Gabriel is part of our family... that we have the joy of him being part of our lives. What a joy he is.

We were able to have Tiffany's family out to the house this afternoon for lunch. Tracy and Buffy and their family was here also and it was so nice to have them all here. I constantly thank Heavenly Father for bringing Tiffany into our lives. She fits in so well and is perfect for Garrett. It was a wonderful day.

Tests, trials and surgeries....

We took off this morning for Salt Lake for Nate and Kailee's appointments. Jace had taken Nate with him to Idaho to see Caitlyn last night so they were going to meet us at the hospital. We should have checked the weather before we left because it had snowed and the roads were horrible... ice covered, snow covered and down right slick. We knew we were going to be late but we felt like this appointment was so important.

I called the hospital and told them what was going on. That we would be late but that Jace would be there with Nate on time. They told us no problem, they would get things going. Jace was not really excited and said he did not want to hold him down so we better hurry.

Well... the last few times we have gone to get tests done they were always really fast and efficient but we assured Jace that we would likely be there before they got the paperwork finished. It seems we lied. Not on purpose... they were just really fast! Really fast. There was no parking and I finally told Thayne to get out and run in and be there while I find a parking place. By the time I got parked and Kailee and I got in they had finished. Nate was so upset... but worse... so was Jace. In fact he was in tears. I think it was one of the most touching things I have ever seen. The love and compassion he has for his little brother made me cry. He hated thinking that he had to hold his little brother down.

The answer is that Nate has one of the worst cases of reflux they had seen in a child his age.

Now what? I wish we knew. We set up a follow up appointment with the ENT who said he would kind of lead us in the right direction, and help us get the answers we need. The swallow study said that his airway wasn't compromised.... so that was a relief. But the reflux... the reflux is horrible and they said it could be why he keeps getting bronchitis and pneumonia. So now it's back to the GI clinic, back to the pulmonary specialist and hopefully we can get this little man healthy and keep him that way. Because of the acid reflux he also has issues with his teeth which is tough because that isn't usually a problem at this age. So now that we know he won't aspirate they can put him to sleep and get his teeth taken care of.

Kailee's appointment went well... after checking out the last CAT scan and going through all of the 'homework' he sent her home with.... he said that he needs to get in there and fix her septum, and a couple of other issues that she has. Her sinus cavity was clear so it's just a matter of fixing the septum and opening it up so that she can breathe through her nose and it should her from getting constant sinus infections and could likely help her migraines too. Now she wants to run a half marathon in September to celebrate breathing through her nose! Which is totally crazy... but she thinks it will be great!

We are all still worried about Rhyan... after finding the lump, they were able to get right in to the doctor who found 3 lumps that really concerned her. Tammy said that she was even more concerned when she heard that while they were living here Rhyan had a chest x-ray where they found a spot on his lung that they said must be bronchitis. The doctor said lymphoma has those symptoms and the fact that his chest still hurts made her really concerned. Tammy said she could tell by the look on her face that she wasn't just trying to scare her, but that there was something to be SCARED of! And now we are all scared. They said they would do surgery next Friday. But when she got home, they called her and told her that they wanted to do this quickly, on Monday at 10am! Now Tammy is scared that they are moving so quickly. This just seems like a horrible nightmare. What could it be? Why would he have the same lump in the same place that his dad had. What could this be? We are praying for Tammy, for Rhyan, and for all of the boys. Tammy said Braydon asked last night if Rhyan was going to die. They all have the pain of losing their dad, and now they are faced with Rhyan possibly having cancer. Praying that he is healthy and that the lumps are nothing serious!

So we have surgeries coming up... worried about Rhyan's on Monday. And even kind of worried about Kailee's on March 1st. They told us it would be a 3 hour surgery. That seems like such a long surgery!

And... for the positive we are hoping that Candice and Shalum get some positive news. They are working on getting pregnant and also working on adoption. Waiting for their background checks to come back... but we can hope that this time next year they will have a baby, or two of their own!

Not the year I ordered...

What happened to the order I put in for an amazing year free of stress, heartache and pain. I was very specific about it. I was even nice... just please let this year, be a year of healing for the heart and soul... a year of happiness, because after all, we have weddings to look forward to and that should bring joy! A new decade. The beginning of something wonderful, I mean really... 2010... just the way it sounds should be amazing. So no tears except happy tears... that was the plan!!!

So who messed up? Who got the order wrong? Who fell down on their watch? Who wasn't doing their job when I ordered a year without stress, pain or worry???

Why then, after my absolute knowledge that this would be a wonderful year do I have to get the phone call that starts our world reeling all over again? And why, when my sister is just getting to a place where she feels joy again in living, after losing her husband almost 8 years ago... why did she have to feel the same lump, in the same place on her 15 year old son? Why are we now waiting on doctors and biopsy results and the same feeling of dread that seemed to control our lives for so long is starting all over again. Was it only 15 years ago that we were walking the halls of another hospital... waiting? We had such faith, such hope and such desire for it to be something other than what it was, but it was just that. Cancer... that dreaded word. Melanoma... it even sounded worse. He had every reason to live. Yet in the end, the cancer won...

Or did it? It won, it took his life. Yet we believe that life is eternal... forever... there have been too many things that have proven that he is still there, that he is still their dad, that he still takes care of them in ways that only he can. But still... he is not here to hold her tonight as she cries for her son, and worries, and hopes, and prays that this time it turns out differently. And it will turn out differently this time... it will!!! We were innocent back then... we believed somehow that we had the ability to make things the way we wanted... that our desire alone was enough to keep somebody alive...

And still...this son makes her laugh, telling her that homework is not on his bucket list... this son who is so much like his dad... will make her laugh as they go through one of the hardest things they will go through, again... waiting, for news. Please don't let it be cancer. Let it be something different, but not cancer. Let this nightmare end. Let us wake up and wonder why our heads hurt, why are eyes ache from crying, and wonder, "Why were we crying?" Let it be a bad dream. Let him have some say in heaven.... let him pull some strings. Anything but this..

But I think of a great man, who suffered the worst sufferings a man could... and when he cried out to the Lord, hoping that the Lord would see his side of things... that He would take action and make the suffering stop, instead came the answer:

"My son, peace be unto thy soul: thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; though shalt triumph over all thy foes." Everything we go through gives us experience, and makes us understand that there is truly only One that we can depend on. And His purposes are perfect. This life is not about getting out of it alive... we are here to gain experience and lean completely on our Heavenly Father... who's plan is perfect always. So whatever is to be, we know we have angels walking beside us. We have seen miracles before, we will surely see them again. This is a fight that is the same, yet different... and we will still have faith that it will turn out differently this time... that health will be restored and that he can live a long life, constantly making his mom laugh!

So this is not the year I ordered...not the year I wanted at all. But the Lord, with his infinite wisdom has something for us all to learn again. I guess He isn't as interested in us having a simple year, free of stress, free of growth... because I believe that through trials we grow, and stretch and become the person that Heavenly Father desires us to be. And I want to be that person... I really do. I just wish so much pain wasn't involved!

William Kade... a teenager!

Happy Happy Birthday William Kade!!! I can't believe he is 13 years old. A teenager.... our 9th teenager to be exact! I can't believe he is 13 already. He is such an amazing young man and is such a blessing to our family. He has a strong personality and is so self assured in what he does. He has been working at the video store for over a year now and I have had comments about how well he handles himself. He is amazing, and well on his way to becoming a wonderful man!!! Love you Will Dawg... hope this year is amazing for you!!!

Cool cake....