Cheering and Marching Band

The girls had begged to please let them do the cheer camp. How could I say no when they begged so hard! The high school cheerleaders put on a camp for elementary school girls a couple of times a year and so... I told them yes! They went to the video store with Kassi so she could curl their hair while I hurried to make some bows for them. Then off to the football games. They were so cute. It was so fun for them and we loved watching them dance and cheer. They loved it!!!

Willie is also marching in the high school band. 8th grade, but a few of them were asked to march with the band. It was fun to see Willie out there... kind of funny because he looks so small compared to the high school kids! Nathaniel had a great time being at the football games. That kid is happy to be out doing something all of the time. He loves to watch people, had a great time hanging out and watching the game. It was pretty chilly... we dug out the coats. But it was fun to go out and support them and watch them do a great job!

Silly girls ready to go.... Waiting with Kinzee before it was time to cheer....

Kalli is SO excited to be a 'future' cheerleader!

Kami cheering with the Kindergarten and 1st graders.... so, so cute!

Kalli cheering.... 4th grade!

Best Buddies.... after the first performance!

Kassi....... and Beth but really.... KASSI!!!

Sadly I hate my camera and need a new one... so THIS is the best picture I could get of Willie marching... so exciting that he is marching in the high school band.

Guess who lost a tooth????

This sweet little lady has finally lost a tooth!

She has hoped to, wanted to, tried hard to

lose a tooth for oh so long.

Tonight, in the excitement of getting ready to cheer

at the JV and Varsity football games

she let her dad get close enough to give it a tug!

So tonight... sweet little lady

is hoping

for a visit from the tooth fairy.

I sure hope the tooth fairy isn't too busy

and doesn't forget.

I mean, I am sure she would

NEVER

forget.

But just in case...

I hope the kids go to bed soon

so she can get in and out early!

Yay Kami Dene!

(yes... she is wearing make up because her sister did her up for the show!)

Early Morning Phone Calls STINK...

Jace and Caitlyn were here talking until about 1am so I got to bed late... or early I guess. My phone rang right before 6am and I saw it was my mom. I thought it was strange that she was calling so early. She told me that she had received a phone call last night around 11pm from a police officer telling her that my aunt Janice had passed away. I am so sad. Mom was getting ready to head to Salt Lake to see if she could help Johnny. Janice loved us so much. She was always so interested and concerned for our family...

Rest in Peace Janice. What a wonderful reunion is taking place right now in heaven. I am sure grandma and grandpa were excited to have another one of their children home with them. It hurts for us but she is in a wonderful place now.

Missionaries Impersonating As Miners

What a fun day! This morning I got to drive 6 of the area missionaries out to the mine to go on a tour. Unfortunately Thayne wasn't able to take us on the tour so he passed the buck (ha) and we went anyway. I like his tours the best but beggars can't be choosers so we took what we could get! I think the Elders liked it... what's not to like right?! We laughed that mining is the perfect 'boy' job. Big Tonka trucks to drive around, dirt, machines... pretty much everything a boy dreams of when he is young. At least that is what our boys like. Elder Davis goes home in a couple of weeks and he was really looking forward to going. I had fun watching these boys who have given up 2 years of their lives to serve the Lord! It made me less homesick for Tallin, and more homesick for him all at the same time. It's funny that it seems like yesterday that we were the same age as some of these boys, and now I feel protective of them like a mom. Where does the time go???!!!

It was fun to hear the guys that gave us the tour talk about the mine and the miners that work there. They are all very proud of the work that gets done and the job that everyone does to make it a great place to work. It's the largest producing gold mine in Northern America and they deserve a pat on the back!!!


Big bad miners... in their diggers and ready to go!!!
Elder Jennings and Elder Davis...

There's gold in them there rocks!!!

The elders all laughed at this one... too funny, and maybe true??? hahaha

Elder Brown holding on in the cage...

They weren't even scared..

Elder Brown....

Hahaha... notice the sign!

The signs make me laugh.... Elder Davis looked at it and then looked at me like, "Are you SERIOUS???"

Checking out the drill...

Nap time perhaps???

Thankfully we had no reason to use the refuge chamber!

In the cage after the tour taking us up 1,700 ft in about 2 minutes! :)

All of them safe and sound, and accounted for.... I felt a little like I do when I take a bunch of kids to the store with me... kept looking back to make sure we didn't lose one!

Silly Girls

These girls make me laugh. Sunday between General Conference sessions the girls were downstairs. They had been hanging out talking... like this... and fell asleep. Kinzee was laughing so hard when she took the picture. Honestly only these two could fall asleep like this. They are more like twins, so often they think the same and act the same and always, always make me smile! They are so lucky to have each other!

Kinzee Jo

Happy birthday sweet Kinzee Jo!

I cannot believe she is 15 years old.

I really am in denial that my girls are growing up so fast.

I have said it a million times but I remember so clearly

the moment of birth...

that moment when I met Kinzee for the first time.

The feeling of love, the amazement,

the gratitude that she was here safe and sound.

The absolute joy of having another daughter.

I remember the joy in the delivery room,

how we were laughing,

everyone in the operating room was dancing and singing to 60's music and how

Dr M said to stop laughing or my scar was going to be jagged!

Kinzee Jo...

our intense, friendly, amazing daughter!

I asked her dad what he would say to describe her.

He said, "Brilliant conversationalist!!!"

Yes... she is.

She knows her stuff, knows what she believes and why

and steadfastly lives what she believes!

Our lives have been blessed because she is ours.

Each personality adds something to our family that I can't describe.

Without each one we would have missed out on so much.

Kinzee is vibrant and fun and strong.

She is already counting down the days until she can get her

learners permit and I am wondering how I am supposed to let her grow up...

wasn't it just last week she was driving the little jeep around the yard?

And now she thinks she will be driving the car around in 6 months???

I can instantly remember the feeling of love I felt for her that first night

in the hospital room. It was dark, the hospital was quiet

(and there was a dead body in the hallway waiting for the mortuary to come!)

and I held her for hours, just looking at her sweet face.

Amazed at how she seemed so wise...

I often think I am the student and my children are here to teach me.

Happy birthday sweet Kinzee!

May you have a lifetime of love and joy

and may you always find reasons to smile!!!

Make a wish....

Our precious girl...

so grateful she came to be

part of our family!

Unconditional Love

The greatest thing about being a grandma is

the way that this little man loves me.

Unconditionally.

Completely.

He trusts that we love him the same way.

Which of course, we do!

I often think of just moments after he was born

when he turned his whole body towards me

and looked at me,

eye to eye...

And I fell completely in love with him.

It was like he had something heavenly to tell me

and like we had been friends long before that moment.

And like when I give birth to my own children,

I grew a new heart.

He spent the weekend with us while his parents went to Utah

for General Conference.

Gabe is a happy baby with a huge smile.

But this morning he was tired.

Kailee held him while I finished breakfast but Gabe

did his best to make eye contact with me.

And when he got it, his little arms went in the air

and his little fingers starting wiggling

telling me,

"Come get me grandma, come get me!"

As soon as I picked him up, wrapped him in his blanket and sat down

he grabbed onto my shirt and his eyes rolled and he yawned and

he cuddled in and went to sleep.

He was perfectly content to sleep in my arms.

But he held on tight to make sure that I would not get away

with putting him down.

And when he did wake up,

his eyes went immediately to mine

and he smiled again!

When you are loved by a child

all is right with the world!!!

And just because he is so darn cute...
Grandpa was working on the van and needed some info about it
from the internet.
He got up to check something and Gabe went right to the computer.
Needing to check his Facebook I guess??
Such a sweet boy.
We are so blessed to have him as part of our family!

Babies, Depression, Hope and other Random Thoughts

I think my thoughts and feelings are kind of random and all over the board

and have been for a few days now. For a million different reasons.

I am working hard to stay out of a deep depression.

There are days when I can barely see to climb out of bed.

Is that where the hope comes in?

I was reading back through some letters I sent to Garrett on his mission

through dearelder.com and got to the one I wrote

right after Kevin died.

I told Garrett that I had learned more than anything that we become

what we think.

We tell ourselves over and over what we think and soon

we act on those thoughts. We become, or we do,

the thing we think about the most.

And I realized when I read it again that it is true.

I am in danger of becoming the things I think...

and I am telling myself that I will and can beat this depression.

I also told him in that letter that Satan speaks most to us

when we are depressed. It's true.

When we remember, even KNOW (or maybe especially that we know) who we are

the voice of the evil one isn't very loud and is rarely even heard.

It's easy to dislike myself when I am depressed.

It's easy to see the negative in myself and others when I am depressed.

One of the thoughts shared at Time Out For Women

was that change is not a bad thing. That we should change

what we are doing and see what thoughts come to us.

And so...

I am trying to change what I am doing and see what thoughts come to me.

I have a plan.

And new thoughts come. New ideas. New energy.

Not easy. Some days are like I am starting from scratch...

even when I made it through yesterday, the new today can be hard to face.

I tell myself again that everything I do testifies of something...

and I ask myself what I am testifying of to my children

by what I am doing today. If I can't climb out of bed

I am not really testifying of hope.

And I want my kids to know that hope isn't something the government can give...

It isn't something that any man or woman can offer.

Hope is a gift from God...

by and through the Holy Ghost.

I will not find hope if I do not get up and put myself in a place

where I can hear the Holy Ghost.

And so I will hope for a time when I do not struggle with being depressed,

because I know that the Savior offers the only true hope.

And He has promised hope in the end.

And that my small efforts to move a little higher on the path

is enough!

I am enough!

My efforts ARE enough!

If I tell myself enough I will move beyond the hopelessness

and feel true hope.

I see it is true... that little seed of hope

as I held newborn babies this week.

My heart aches, and so do my arms

for the baby I should be delivering next week.

I cry for the soul I loved so much

without ever really knowing...

How does that work?

To have a piece of your heart ripped away without even knowing.

To hold those new babies brought pain,

and blissful peace.

Funny how that works isn't it?

To know that our pain is still significant and real,

yet we are allowed peace when we remember that

the Lord has an expected end for all of us and that He

wants us to have joy...

Joy, even in pain! Seems like an oxymoron doesn't it?

Because the world tells us we need everything our way in order to have joy!

Joy comes in living life with the faith, and yes HOPE

that come what may we can have peace even as our empty arms ache...

Hope that can overcome depression

even if it doesn't happen today... or tomorrow...

But knowing that I can give the Lord the only real thing that I have to give...

my will.

I can show my kids that I have hope even when everything seems

hopeless.

I can have peace when my world is falling apart.

I can rejoice in a new life without feeling bitter...

because how could I be bitter about that new life?

Just because my path was different than I thought it would be

or even wanted it to be

doesn't mean there isn't a plan set perfectly in place for me,

and for my family.

The struggles make us stronger and more able to mourn with those who mourn

or share the joy of another.

My pain is no worse than another person's pain.

My hope is no more or less valuable.

Isn't it funny that we seem to compete when it comes to our pain?

We sometimes try to tell ourselves that nobody knows or understands

our pain. As if our pain is more special, more real?

My dreams are not ignored.

Even when the answer is no it is for my best...

even if I don't understand why.

I just have to know that things will be okay eventually

but for here and now the Lord can save me.

Elder D. Todd Christofferson said,

In times of distress, let your covenants be paramount and let your obedience be exact.

He goes on to say,

Then you can ask in faith, nothing wavering, according to your need, and God will answer.

The thing I have to remember is that His goal is to make me stronger and

more like Him. His thoughts are not mine.

So I cannot assume to know His will without asking.

And I cannot assume to know that I know what is best for me.

Because being human, I would take away the opportunity for growth.

Like I sometimes want to do with my children.

I don't want them to 'suffer' and yet often in suffering comes the greatest growth.

So tonight I will go to bed with hope...

Hope that tomorrow I will remember the peace I felt as I looked into the faces

of the newborn babies,

and know that all things will be made right in time.

And remember if I allow depression to rule my life I will be showing

my kids by my actions something that my heart doesn't believe...

that I haven't got faith to keep walking

even when I am bogged down in the sand.

I will trust that just for today I will be able to endure.

And as I keep up the enduring

I will become what I want to be...

that I will tell myself, and KNOW that I am enough

to all of the people that I love. I cannot let the fear of change

control my life.

I can have joy even in the midst of chaos and pain.