Back to Curves....

I have a really healthy dose of self-loathing! I have for a while... over a year to be exact! I always gain a LOT of weight when I am pregnant, but in the past, I just had to get it in my mind to lose weight and I would. Until Nate! That child has done more to my mind and body than I can even begin to comprehend or express!!! :) He has worn me out! I spent almost a full year not ever sleeping for fear that if I went to sleep, he wouldn't wake up. Months went by where I dozed at night while he slept on my chest, or waking up several times a night to make sure the monitor was working... or the monitor going off and me getting up to make sure he was okay. I'm not sure my body even knows how to sleep anymore! My thyroid is messed up, my adrenal system is just shot, my hormones are messed up and I am just plain fat! It took me a lot of years to not have an anorexic mentality anyway... there were times I couldn't convince myself that I was skinny enough, even when you could count my ribs... but now I am the opposite and I HATE it! I hate how I feel. I hate how I look. I have felt myself sinking into a depression that I want to avoid at all costs. Yesterday talking to my mom was when it hit me... she was upset about how her blood pressure meds made her feel and I said, "Mom...it's time you get busy and get off them!" And I knew it was time for me too! I loved Curves. I loved it so much I worked there on and off very part time for many years. And that is saying a lot since I have always committed to being a stay at home mom. It was only a few hours a week, but I saw Curves change the lives of women and I loved being part of it. It changed my life! I started going after Kalli was born and it was a fun, quick way to lose weight and get back in shape. I worked there all through my pregnancy with Hyrum and my back never hurt! After Hyrum I lost 50lbs and 47 inches and I felt great! I signed up again last year after Nate was born but then he got sick. I started going again and miscarried... but it's time! I went back today and it felt GREAT! I am so out of shape. But I am going to do this again!!!! I realized how much I missed it! Yeah for Curves!