Just minutes away...

Just minutes away from it being May 29th... the day that Tallin graduates from high school! It seems so strange. I know that 4 other kids have gone before him, but for some reason this feels very strange. Tallin has always seemed like my little boy, like everyone else grew up but he stayed my little boy. He did grow up... but my heart is just not accepting it. Every time I had a new baby, I grew a new heart. I don't love my kids with just what is left over after loving all of the others... I love each one completely... with a heart all their own. And my little Tally Bop is so special to me, so amazing when I think of all that I felt for him before he was much more than a thought to me. We had gone through some really crazy times before I got pregnant with him. In fact as much as I wanted to have another baby, we knew it wouldn't be a good idea since we were living in motels (with 4 babies 3 years old and under) and didn't know from day to day if the contract jobs Thayne was working would be done... yet I found out I was pregnant and as much as I was afraid, I also was thrilled. We moved from Utah to Wyoming for work and again was living in a motel... and as luck always seemed to be ours, Thayne worked nights while I tried to figure out how to entertain 4 babies everyday while he slept. And then I started bleeding. And it went on...and on... and on. 10 days of heavy bleeding a doctor said there was no way I was still pregnant and just wait out the miscarriage. It looked like I lost a twin with him, but I still felt like I was still pregnant.... and I felt HIM... my son! We prayed a LOT. I finally asked Thayne to just give me a Priesthood blessing so I could get it over with since they told me I had no hope. That blessing told me that this child needed to come to our home at that time... and while the Lord understood all that we had been through, and understood our circumstances, if we had faith He would bless us in ways that we couldn't understand fully at the time. We had just had in a years time, two very sick babies, hospital bills threatening to drown us and we didn't know if this baby would have complications also. The job finished, we had no more work and didn't even have a home to call our own. We finally decided that we would go to Milwaukee where Thayne was promised a job as soon as they went back to work (the union was on strike at the time) Somewhere in Iowa I stopped the car and Thayne pulled up behind me in the truck and asked what was wrong. I asked him what we were doing. He just smiled and said it felt right. Weeks turned into months without the job coming. Finally Thayne said if we haven't heard from them by December 7th we were moving back to Utah. That morning he was getting ready to leave to pick up a U-Haul when the phone rang asking if he could be at work at 2pm... that afternoon! Over the next few months I had some serious ups and downs with the pregnancy. I had mono, pneumonia and was so sick. I went to one doctor after another without finding one that was any good. I was so worried. Finally my best friend told me to try her doctor. She said he was usually really full and you had to wait weeks to get in, but maybe they could work something out. I called, and they told me they had an unexpected opening that day and could I come in! 6 weeks before he was due. Our insurance hadn't picked up yet so we told them we didn't know what insurance we would have yet but they weren't concerned. Within minutes the doctor told me I was a strep carrier and that my other kids had probably had strep when they were born and that was why they had gotten sick. Within days, our insurance started, and my doctor was on the list if I were an existing patient! Because I had gotten in to him 2 weeks earlier I could use that HMO and my entire pregnancy would be covered 100%. He was my only completely natural delivery. The others I had been somewhat forced to have an epidural because they thought I would need c-sections with them each time. This time I was started on pictocin and was doing really well, until we couldn't get him turned right. After over 2 hours of pushing pains while I was on hands and knees breathing through the pain, I told the nurse I wanted an epidural or I was going home. She laughed and told us that anyone that could laugh through transition was not going to get anything for pain...and that she knew I could handle it. To be fair, I WAS laughing during transition but only because Thayne is so entertaining. Finally I told the doctor that I was pushing that kid out right then, or I was going to get up and go home until he turned the way he was supposed to on his home. 2 pushes later this adorable boy stole our hearts forever. He was so adorable. All 9lbs 9oz and 22 1/2 inches of him! He had his eyes opened wide and just looked around and took in the world! He was so precious. So calm, so unassuming... just there, and happy to be!

Tallin has worked hard for this day. There were times we were afraid it wouldn't happen. Tallin is so smart, but school work has never really come easy for him and he had a lot to accomplish to make it through this year. The last few weeks have been nerve wracking and scary... but he pulled it all together and showed us what an incredible young man he is and is becoming! He and his friend Tiffany will be the 3rd ones stepping onto the stage and getting their diplomas! I guess that is even worth the $113 I had to write the check for today to pay for the missing book! And Saturday will be his graduation party at the house... lots of family and friends here to celebrate this amazing day with him. He is such a great kid and I am so blessed to be his mom! What a day... soon he graduates and then next week he turns 18... what a great and exciting time... he's ready to soar!!!

Love you so much Tally!!!