The more you love...

I read a quote, "The more you judge the less you love." So I figured the opposite is true too. The more you love, the less you judge! Judging... that thought has been on my mind a lot recently because of... well, because of several reasons. Reasons like a sweet girl struggling with her feelings of self doubt because her mom often judges her and leaves her doubting who she is and what her worth is. Or teen girls being judged by grown women acting like teenagers, or teenagers judging because they think that they must conform in order to be accepted and when others aren't willing to conform they treat them badly. Or a neighbor who finds offense that someone won't reach out to them, but is not willing to reach out either. Or the leader who isn't willing to deal with her own issues and takes it out on the kids who were doing nothing wrong except being there. I have read that when you judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical. It seems like those that are always screaming "judgement" are the ones that judge the most and are the most quick to think the worst of others. Why is that? Why are we so often afraid of others succeeding? Do we think that if others succeed it somehow takes away from our eternal worth? If we think the best of somebody does it make us somehow less? I read an article on forgiving and have often thought of this statement, "How presumptuous of us to feel that we have the right and the ability to judge another's motives, the intent of his heart, and to know all the events of his life that have influenced his way of thinking and behaving. How can we presume to have the right to judge and to decide who is and who is not deserving of our forgiveness?" Why do we often expect more of others than we demand of ourselves? We are the neighbor who finds offense that someone didn't walk across the street with an outstretched hand, but never walks out of our own yard to do the same? Simply because I believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ does not mean that I have perfected my life...nor do I believe I am perfect, and in fact am my harshest judge.... of myself! Because you choose to live your life differently, or the same, or somewhere in between, does not mean I am judging you for your choices. That is not how I choose to live my life. More often than not I don't even see your shortcomings, while mine are magnified to myself. I remember talking to one of my dearest friends after her husband was murdered. She talked of a church leader telling her that she must forgive, and if she didn't forgive she was guilty of the greater sin. She told me she was angry at first. But then she learned the secret, just like we all must learn the secret.... forgiving others of their sins, their shortcomings, even their abuse or their sins against us does nothing for the other person, but it makes us free! I remember watching this friend on the stand, telling the man who destroyed her world that she forgave him. And she did! She meant it. Because she had too much pain in her life to carry the pain of hate and judgement towards this man. She gave it to the One that could carry it, and who would carry out perfect judgement, and it showed in her countenance. It's like the story of the wolf... if you feed the bad, the bad grows and consumes you. If you feed the good, the good grows and consumes you. I find it sad when people spend their lives looking to be offended. I remember being told that I would be a fool to take offense where none is intended, and an even bigger fool to be offended when offense WAS intended. That isn't always easy. But truly, it isn't worth allowing offense to canker my soul. It makes me someone I don't like. It makes me someone that I don't want to be around. And since I always have to be with me... it just isn't worth being offended. When we find offense, we allow ourselves to become victims. We lose power and when we turn over our power we give permisson for others to hurt us. And that is a terrible feeling because we cannot change another person. We cannot make them want to see the best in us. It doesn't matter what the truth is... the real truth is that it is none of our business what other people think about us. It's not our burden to carry. Because if they think badly of us, it is apparent that they haven't realized they do not know us well enough to judge us. There are people that are just going to be mean. We have to love them anyway. When I was talking to the sweet girl who's mom continues to hurt her and make her doubt her worth the only thing I could really tell her is to ask the Lord to see her mom through His eyes. It works. I know this, because that very experience has changed my life. And when this same woman called a bunch of young girls names, as a mom all I could do is tell my girls to smile, to laugh it off because sadly there must be something in her life that makes her sad, and bitter and it is our responsibility to continue to love her... despite her words, or her actions. And pray that one day she sees that she also has worth and value in the Lord's eyes. We wouldn't behave that way if we understood who we are. It is sometimes hard to not be hurt. It is sometimes hard to hear that others are judging you falsely.... thinking that you think something that you do not, thinking that you are something that you are not... thinking that they don't have to reach out but expecting you to do what they will not. But that is where true joy comes in. There is only One that really has the right to judge.... and He will judge righteously. So... to my kids.... smile when you are hurting, forgive instantly, and don't assume to know why somebody is the way they are. Sometimes people are mean because they don't have enough assurance in their own lives and they still think that if someone is happy it is going to take away from them somehow. It won't. I promise! Being bitter takes so much more work than being happy. Bitterness makes you shrivel up on the inside.... it takes away from beauty and goodness. Look for the good in others. Sometimes you have to look deep, but it is there. Everyone started out the same...as a baby, who only knew good. Life sometimes causes pain and sometimes people hold onto that pain and lashes out when what they really need is love and acceptance. And if nothing else, forgive your enemies... nothing annoys them more! :) Remember... when you are judging, you are not truly loving. If we look for the best, we will find it. In the same article it said, "Every day we choose our own quality of life. Benjamin Disraeli said it beautifully: “Life is too short to be little. There are too many worthwhile causes to serve, too many great books, lectures, musicals, trips, friends, loved ones to help — too much to be little — grumbling over past painful experiences, brooding over injuries, conjuring up ways to get even, smarting over grievances until we cannot sleep. Life is too short." Life is too short to hold onto bitterness and to be judgemental... we just can't know enough to judge right. And we will be too unhappy if we try! That is why my most favorite quote is, "In all living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." When we forgive instantly, and see the best in others we will be happy! Truly happy!